Welcome to the Mad House
by My Purple Skies
Summary: Amber is a new nurse at Arkham Asylum who has no idea what she's getting herself into! When she meets the inhabitants of the asylum it is nothing but absolute chaos! Filled with hilarious mayhem, schemes, refereeing the rogues, and getting caught singing and dancing down the hallways by your boss. "Welcome to the Mad House, Miss Amber! We're gonna have so much fun with you!"
1. Welcome to the Mad House

**(Hello everyone! My Purple Skies here; I've been working on this story for a while and have finally decided it was time to start posting it on here. I hope to get several laughs out of this humorous story which was started by me asking a simple question; "What would happen if my friends were put into Arkham Asylum as patients and met the Batman villains?" You're about to find out. This story is not exactly tied in with my other stories, but there are a few things in it that I took from the Chaos stories. I do not own Batman or any of the Batman characters; but I do own Amber and Tommy Tetch. The other characters, Katherine and Chelsea are friends of mine that have given me permission to use them shamelessly as people in this story. I suggest the first song to listen to for this chapter would be Mad House by Rihanna or Disturbia by Rihanna.)**

Chapter One

Welcome to the Mad House

Doctor Arkham stood up from his desk and extended his hand out to the new nurse. "Welcome to Arkham Asylum, Miss Amber," he said.

The young woman grasped his hand and also stood. "Thank you, doctor. I hope to be of some help." She smiled politely at her new boss.

He looked at her eyes and his smile faltered for a moment. "Oh dear," he said aloud.

"What?" Amber asked.

"You have green eyes," he told her.

Amber wrinkled her brow. "What's wrong with me having green eyes?"

The doctor opened his mouth as if to say something but suddenly changed his mind. "Nothing; nothing at all. Um…," he glanced at the clock, "it should be close to lunch time for the patients. You can start by supervising them," he suggested. Amber nodded and headed for the door. Doctor Arkham called out to her when she was just stepping out. "Oh, and Miss Amber?" She paused and looked back. "Good luck," he told her. Amber smiled and closed the door behind her. Doctor Arkham sighed and sat down in his chair. "You're gonna need it," he sing-songed.

….

Over in the cafeteria, two groups sat at tables on opposite sides of the room. These two groups consisted of people who were well known in the asylum. The other patients tried to sit as far away as possible from the groups because of the feud that went on between the two leaders. One leader was the Joker; his team members were Harley Quinn, Tommy Tetch, Jervis Tetch (aka the Mad Hatter), Oswald Cobblepot (the Penguin), Waylon Jones (Killer Croc), and Arnold Wesker (the Ventriloquist) with his puppet, Scarface. The Joker had a hard time convincing them to join his 'team', except for both the Tetchs and Harley, but in the end they'd accepted; mostly because he was the most feared patient in Arkham.

Today, the patients were allowed to wear whatever they wanted, but had to have bright orange plastic wrist bands. It was a new idea of Dr. Jeremiah Arkham. He figured that by allowing them a bit of freedom in their choice of clothes it might somehow reach the patients and bring about a sense of belonging. Most of the staff had disagreed but in the end, Dr. Arkham had won.

The Joker was lounging in his seat, lazily twirling a fork in his hand; ideas were running through his head about how to destroy the leader of the other team. That leader was Edward Nigma aka The Riddler. His team consisted of Echo and Query, Jonathan Crane (the Scarecrow), Pamela Isley (Poison Ivy), and Harvey Dent (Two-Face).

"Has he put down the fork yet?" Nigma asked.

Echo leaned out and looked over at the Joker's table across the cafeteria. "Negative," she replied. The Riddler clenched his teeth.

"It's just a fork, what can he do with a fork," Query asked.

Nigma looked at Query and started to twirl his cane. Oh he'd had quite a time trying to get the staff to let him have it back in his hands, even after they made sure that it was disarmed. "I've seen what he can do with a pencil; I can only imagine what he can do with a fork," he told her. Query raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

"Why don't we just go and kill 'em now and be done with it," Dent growled, his deformed lips curling into a snarl.

"Be my guest, but don't say I didn't warn you," Nigma said off handedly. Two- Face Dent looked over at the Joker's table, undecided. He grumbled as he flipped his coin. Looking at its outcome, he glared and stayed seated.

The Joker and his team occasionally glanced over at the Riddler and his members. The Joker continued to twirl the fork in his hand, keeping his back to the opposite side. "Hatter, has he put his cane down yet," he asked.

Jervis looked over his shoulder. "Never without it, sir," he replied.

The Joker clenched his teeth and looked over at the Riddler. "Drop. The. Cane!" he hiss-whispered and turned back around to face Harley.

The Riddler turned to look at the Joker. "Drop. The. Fork!" he hiss-whispered and faced his group again. "Either he puts the fork down soon or I need to come up with a better plan." Both leaders looked at each other at the same time and raised their hands in a half-wave with fake grins plastered on their faces. "Heeey," they said at once. They began to turn their backs on each other, both saying, "I hate your guts," still with a smile on their scheming faces.

The Penguin adjusted his eye monocle and sighed. "Joker, this waiting is getting very tiresome."

The Joker glared at him. "How is this 'tiresome'? You're doing nothing!" He flicked the fork away in disgust, grumbling at how lazy the man was.

Nigma saw this and leapt to his feet. "He dropped the fork! Attack!" he shouted, extending his cane out like a sword drawn for battle. The group began to run across the room towards the surprisingly oblivious enemy. The Joker still sat with his back to the Riddler's team, so he couldn't see the mob of villains behind him. He sighed as he reached inside the inner pocket of his coat and brought out a pencil. The Riddler stopped dead in his tracks with his arms extended out, stopping his team. "He's got a pencil! Retreat," he cried. They ran back to their table.

Ivy glared at him. "Why did we retreat?" she asked.

Nigma adjusted his green bowler hat. "We were not retreating. We were advancing, to a future victory," he explained.

"Really? Cause it looks to me like we 'advanced' _back_ a few feet," she hissed.

The Riddler pointed at her sternly. "Do not question my methods, Ivy!"

Ivy shrugged. "I just think we should advance _forward_."

The Riddler switched from pointing at Ivy to himself. "That's why _I'm_ the leader, and _you're_ not." Ivy clenched her teeth, folded her arms, and turned her back on him. Nigma also turned away from her and plopped down in his seat. "Stupid, feminist, tree-hugger," he muttered under his breath.

"I'm getting tired of waiting," Crane complained.

"How can you be tired by waiting?" Query asked, frustrated.

"It's possible," Crane insisted.

"Oh, stuff it, Scarecrow," Echo snapped.

….

Over at the other table, Harley was massaging the Joker's shoulders. "He's just jealous of you, that's what," she said, "jealous that he can't use everyday materials as weapons and can only use a cane." She glanced over at the Riddler. "A very cool cane," she whispered. "Hey Riddler, what can that baby do," she called out. Harley felt the Joker's shoulders tense under her hands. He slowly turned his head to face her. She gave a nervous laugh. "You're so much better, Puddin'," she squeaked.

"Yeah, _Puddin'_," Scarface mocked.

The Joker grabbed his fork and pointed it at the puppet. "You want me to throw you into a tub of termites, cuz I will?" he threatened.

"You're cold," Scarface mumbled.

"We could throw rocks at them," Croc offered.

"Such a Neanderthal," Penguin sniffed.

The Joker rolled his eyes. "Really; is that your answer to everything, Croc," he asked.

"Huh?"

"When Batman runs after you; you throw a rock at him. The police are on your trail; you throw a rock at them. A bird won't stop tweet-tweeting at your window; you throw a stone. What's your world domination plan, hm? Rain rocks down on the White House?"

"Aw, calm down, Puddin'. It's not Croc's fault that he doesn't have brains like you," Harley purred as she scratched the Joker's chin. He slapped her hand away. Harley pouted and looked back at Nigma. He had stood up with his back facing her and she couldn't stop the words from coming out of her mouth. "Oooh! He's got a cute butt!" The Joker snapped his head in her direction. "I mean-! Not as cute as yours! Yours is cute too! Yours and his are different types of cuteness," she blubbered. He continued to drill her with his piercing gaze. She made the motion of zipping her lips.

"Do you really think that's going to help you?"

Harley gave a pathetic shrug. "Maybe?"

The Joker jerked his thumb over his shoulder. "Why don't you go and join Mr. Puzzles then?" he asked sarcastically.

Harley straightened herself and looked uncaring. "Maybe I will." She began to walk towards the Riddler's table. She was halfway there when she glanced back at the Joker and her shoulders slumped. "I miss him already," she whimpered and continued to walk to the Riddler. She tapped him on the shoulder and he bent his neck backwards to view Harley upside down. She wiggled her fingers at him and smiled. "Hi," she greeted.

The Riddler cocked an eyebrow. "May I help you?"

Harley tilted her head to the side to at least try to look at him right side up. "Uh…yeah, uh, can I join your team?"

….

At the other table, Scarface's wooden mouth hung open. "Your gal is actually switching sides!" he exclaimed.

"Not so loud please," Arnold, the Ventriloquist, asked softly while adjusting his glasses.

"Don't 'Sh' me, you little worm!" Scarface shouted. Arnold remained silent.

The Penguin removed his eye monocle and proceeded to clean it. "Very sorry, Joker chap," he said.

"Shut up, Fat Boy!" the Joker shouted. Penguin paused in his cleaning before continuing his task.

….

Echo and Query took one look at Harley and shook their heads 'no' while Dent and Crane nodded like bobble heads. Nigma looked over Harley and put a hand to his chin. _"Hm…,"_ he thought.

….

"Say 'no'," the Joker muttered as he watched.

"I thought you didn't like her?" Jervis Tetch asked curiously.

"I don't, but I'll be the laughing stock of Arkham if my female side kick switches sides!"

"I thought you want to make people laugh?"

"Not at me, you idiot!"

Scarface chuckled. "You don't have much luck with girls, huh?"

The Joker stood up from his seat. "Shut up, Pinocchio!"

"Don't get yourself so worked up," Arnold advised as the Joker sat back down. The clown turned his head slightly to keep an eye on his enemy.

….

Nigma sighed. "Well, I have more than enough room for you to join." Harley let out a high-pitched squeal and wrapped her arms around his neck.

….

The Joker's body went completely still except for his thumb which bent his fork in half. Tommy Tetch stood up and saluted his Boss. "I'll get you another one, sir," he said quickly and started to run off.

"Bring me the whole box," the Joker yelled. Tommy saluted again and kept running.

Penguin leaned forward towards Scarface. "So, Scarface-," he began.

The Joker turned to face him, eyes blazing. "What did you just call me?"

Penguin jumped and looked at him in surprise. "What? No; I meant the puppet."

Scarface's head spun around. "Who you callin' a puppet, bud," he demanded. Laughter from the other side of the room stopped their arguing. The Joker snapped his head in their direction and saw Harley in the middle of a full blown laughing fit. The Joker's eye twitched and his hands balled into fists.

Tommy came back with a box of forks and held them out to him. "Here ya go, sir," he said happily. The Joker grabbed a handful of forks so quickly it caused Tommy to drop the box, spilling the utensils on the floor. "Look what you did."

"I'm sorry, sir."

"Pick them up!"

"Yes sir, right away sir!" Tommy dropped to his knees and began to pick up the forks. When he picked them up, he stood to his feet and smiled.

"You missed a spot," a female's voice said. Tommy looked to his right to see a girl holding a fork in her hand. She was very tall, probably 5'12" ft. Her thin body accentuated her tall figure. She had pale skin that made her blue, grey eyes stand out. Her straight, dark brown hair stopped exactly where her shoulders began.

Tommy took the fork from her. "Thanks, Katherine."

The Joker raised his eyebrows when he saw her and bushed his hair back. "Well hello beautiful," he greeted.

Katherine fixed an icy glare at him. "Are you just asking for me to kill you, clown boy," she hissed. The Joker grinned and gave a short laugh.

Jervis, the Mad Hatter, pointed at Katherine. "I say, aren't you the sister of that patient who freaks out every time he hears the word 'bat'? What's his name? Ca-?"

"Caleb? Yeah; I use to torture him when I was little by using a toy bat…It didn't exactly turn out how I thought." She sat down on the next seat next to the Joker. "So you can imagine how I feel, knowing that there's a guy dressed up as a bat out there."

"Guilty?" Arnold asked.

Katherine gave a confused look. "What? No! I'm laughing my head off! I think it's funny."

The Joker raised an eyebrow and slid next to her. "Funny, huh?" he asked with a smile. Katherine lifted her eyebrow as well when he put an arm around her shoulder.

"Yeeeaaaah…," she shoved his arm off with obvious disgust. "Not even going there," she told him. He frowned when she turned away from him.

"So what are ya in for?" Scarface asked.

"Just some misunderstanding about terrorizing two radio talk show hosts who didn't play the music I wanted. I ask you, is that a crime?" Tommy shook his head. "Thank you," Katherine said with a smile.

….

Harley tried not to stare but….. it was hard not to when her Puddin' was hitting on some brunette! "Harl, are you okay," Ivy asked her best friend.

"I'm fine, Red."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Then stop grinding your teeth and glaring like that! You're scaring the other patients!"

…

Katherine looked across the room to see the other team and her blue-grey eyes widened. "Is that the Riddler?"

"Yes," the Joker grumbled.

"Oh my gosh, I love him! He is so funny!"

The Joker stiffened at her words then gave a small chuckle and a grin. "Uh, funny? No, no, no, no. You must have him confused with _me_; lots of people do that."

"No, I know you. You're the Joker, although I don't know how you got that name since you're about as funny as a dead parrot."

The Joker's jaw dropped. Tommy held out a fork to him. "Do you want this, Boss?" he asked.

The Joker licked his lips and forced a smile to appear. "No, Tommy Boy; that won't be necessary," he said through clenched teeth. But Katherine seemed bound and determined to get on his bad side.

"What kind of a criminal calls himself 'The Clown Prince of Crime'? That's just idiotic! And you wear make-up!'"

"It's face paint!"

"It's make-up no matter what you say."

The Joker slammed a purple gloved fist onto the table. "I've had enough of this," he shouted and stood up. He grabbed Katherine by the arm and began to walk to the Riddler's table.

Nigma looked up and waited for him to speak. Harley smiled smugly. "Miss me already," she asked.

The Joker ignored her remark and kept his eyes on his enemy. "I propose a trade," he suggested.

"I second that," Katherine said. She didn't know exactly who she'd be traded with, but as long as she ended up on the Riddler's side, she had nothing to complain about.

"I second that too!" Harley squealed.

"Don't you mean third?" Katherine scoffed and muttered, "Dumb blond."

Harley smirked and leaned back in her seat. "You think I'm some dumb, blond, bimbo; well ha ha! The joke's on you! I'm not even a real blond."

The Riddler gasped in shock. "You're not a real blond?"

"No."

Nigma turned to the Joker. "I agree to the trade," he announced. As soon as the Joker released Katherine, she ran over to the Riddler and wrapped her arms around his neck while rubbing her face against his cheek.

Harley started to skip back to her Mistah J. "Ah-ta-ta-ta-tah; no," the Joker said.

"Aw; that's so cute," Katherine exclaimed, which drew a few stares but she ignored them.

Harley looked at the Joker with a perplexed expression on her face. "But, Puddin'-," she began until he cut her off.

"You are a traitor and I don't want traitors on my team."

"But you said 'trade'."

"I didn't say I wanted to trade for _you_, did I?"

Harley's mouth dropped open. The Riddler pushed Katherine's face away. "Who do you want then?"

The Joker pointed at Query. "You; are you Echo or Query?"

Query batted her eyelashes. "Which one do you want me to be?" she asked.

"Hey," Nigma barked and jerked her over to his side.

The Joker sighed. "Okay, fine." He scanned the faces at the table. "You," he said, pointing at a girl with chocolate brown skin and short black hair.

She looked around to make sure he was addressing her. "Me?" she asked uncertainly.

"Yes you; the one I'm looking at and talking to. What's your name?" he snapped.

"Chelsea."

"Chelsea, I pick you. You're on my team."

Chelsea shot up from her seat and threw her hands above her head. "Woohoo! Yes!" She fist-pumped the air and ran over, pushing Ivy aside and jumped to the Joker. She gripped his hand and shook it energetically. "Thank you, thank you! I am a _big_ fan!"

The Joker smirked at Nigma. "Well…I have a _fan," _he teased.

The Riddler grinned back and patted Katherine's head. "So do I."

The smirk vanished from the clown's face. "Come on," he ordered Chelsea. She followed him to the table and sat down. "Everyone, this is Chelsea; say 'hi'."

"Hello Chelsea," the group chorused.

"Hey," she greeted back.

"So what are ya in for?" Scarface asked.

"Well, I guess you could say that I'm _very _obsessive. The last guy I obsessed over went insane. Now I'm obsessive over someone else."

"Who?"

Chelsea gave a big grin and looked up adoringly at the Joker.

"You sure know how to pick 'em," Scarface hooted. The Joker frowned at the puppet. Scarface's mouth snapped shut.

…

Katherine ran her fingers through the Riddler's red hair. "I've been dying to ask you, Mr. Riddler…are you a natural red-head?"

"Of course I'm a natural red-head."

Katherine gave Ivy a sidelong glance. "I bet she isn't a real red-head," she whispered to him.

He chuckled and sighed as he leaned back against a wall. "Well, at least I'm a natural…unlike _some_," he emphasized as he looked at Harley.

Harley stuck out her tongue and turned her back on them. She sighed and faced Ivy. "Gee Red, I'm starting to think that switching sides wasn't the best idea."

Ivy rolled her eyes. "Listen Harl, you did good. You left that purple-clad pig."

"He's not a pig; he's a clown."

"You're missing the point."

"I am?"

"You stood up for yourself and came to the right side. Sure it may be led by an overly pompous leprechaun in a green suit-," the Riddler threw her a glare, "but it's still the right side," Ivy finished.

"I don't know Red…," Harley said sadly.

"Oh forget it; you're hopeless!"

Katherine gazed at the green bowler hat that sat atop Nigma's head. "Can I wear your hat?"

He gave her a charming smile. "Why not," he said and plopped it on her head.

"Yea!" she squealed. "This is the happiest day of my mentally unstable life!"

…

Meanwhile, the Joker and his team were gathered around their table plotting…well…trying to plot. "Can I wear your coat, Mr. Joker?" Chelsea asked.

"No," he snapped and tried to carry on his scheming with his fellow criminals.

"But Katherine got to wear the Riddler's hat."

"Am I the Riddler? No! Do I have a hat? No; I have a coat and the coat stays on me. 'kay?" He gave Chelsea a pat on the cheek and grinned, turning back to the others. Chelsea was motionless for a moment before she tried to snatch the coat off of him. "Hey," the Joker barked. He grabbed her hands and pushed them away. "What did I just tell you?"

"No."

"And what does that mean?"

"It means 'yes'."

"What-? Where did you get that idea?"

"It's Opposite Day! 'No' means 'yes'!"

The Joker stared at her, slack-jawed. "What planet are you from?"

"My own," Chelsea answered calmly.

The Joker's eye twitched along with the skin near his nose as he stared down at Chelsea. "….. SWITCH," the Joker shouted, running back to the other table with Chelsea in tow.

The Riddler looked at hm lazily and glanced at his team. "Nope…I'm good with what I've got," he said.

The Joker clenched his teeth. "Do you realize what I'm going through, Riddler? This girl is…is…" He looked down at her. She gazed up at him with big brown eyes as she clutched onto his arm. She nuzzled her head against his forearm. That's when he realized how small she was compared to him. Chelsea didn't even come up to his shoulder, but she was definitely in her late teens. _"Great…I'm being harassed by a mouse," _he thought to himself. He returned his attention back to Nigma. "Take her off my hands!"

The Riddler shook his head. "Dreadfully sorry, but I would be very much aggrieved if I lost a member of my team now."

The Joker glared at him and them at Harley. "This is all your fault," he said and turned on his heel, walking back to his table. Chelsea was practically dragged all the way since she was unable to keep up with his pace.

"So no luck, eh?" Scarface asked.

The Joker rolled his eyes and stopped when his gaze landed on a young woman with long, golden brown hair, a tall, slender figure, and an invisible sign above her head that said, "I'M NEW!" She was wearing white scrubs and white converse shoes. A name tag was pinned to her uniform but he couldn't make out the letters.

"Ah; fresh meat, boys," he snickered to the other patients. Their heads turned in the new nurse's direction and watched as she moved to a spot that had a good view of the entire cafeteria and leaned against a wall. The Joker rubbed his hands together with glee. "This is going to be fun," he said excitedly.

"Down boy," Scarface cautioned with a slight chuckle. "Remember what happened with the last new nurse you tried to harass?"

"How was I supposed to know she had a tazor? She wasn't even supposed to have one in the first place!"

"This one does not look like the sort to have a weapon concealed on her," the Penguin said, observing her through his eye monocle. Of course his observation only made the Joker even more excited.

"Aaaw, poor thing; nothing to defend herself with against the Clown Prince of Crime," he said in a mockingly sympathetic voice. He stood up from the table and felt the air leave his lungs when a force encircled his abdomen. He looked down to see Chelsea's arms wrapped around him tightly like a boa constrictor.

"What if she does have a weapon on her? What if she hurts you, or worse; what if she messes up your amazing coat?" she cried.

The Joker patted her awkwardly on the head. "I'm touched by your concern, but harassing a new Arkham employee is my job. It's my little way of welcoming them." He pried the girl's arms off and stumbled away. He quickly regained his balance and stood tall. "Croc; hold her back! If she tries to escape-."

"Hit her with a rock?" Croc asked hopefully.

The Joker sighed and nodded. "Yes, but let it be a small rock; we don't want a mess like last time." He blew Chelsea a teasing kiss and skipped his way over to the young woman leaning against the wall. He eased over to where he was leaning on the wall right beside the nurse, without her noticing. "Sooo, you're the newbie, eh?" he said loud enough to get her attention.

The nurse flinched at the suddenness of a voice beside her and turned to face him. She drew in a breath and her eyes widened. _"How the heck did he get there?"_ she wondered.

The Joker glanced down at her name tag first; Amber, then looked up to meet her eyes. A big grin spread along his scarred mouth when he noticed the color. Green! He let out a high pitched laugh. "Hi there, Amber! Welcome to the mad house! We're gonna have so much fun with you!"

Nurse Amber backed away from the laughing maniac. "Oh _heck_ no," she said firmly. Her first day on the job and she was already being the victim of the _Joker's_ unwanted attention.

"Oh, do I detect a little nervousness in you?"

"Back off!"

"Or what?"

"I'll, uh, I'll, I'll tazor you!"

The Joker hesitated for a moment only because he had experienced a situation like that before. He glanced at her hands; she wasn't reaching for a concealed weapon, so that was a tell-tale sign she had no weapon. "Liar."

Amber bit her bottom lip. _"Crap! The clown can read minds! Oh dear; can he smell fear too? Please no! Please no!" _

"Are those contact lenses?"

Amber's panicking thoughts were interrupted. She wrinkled her brow at the question. "Huh?"

He took a step closer to Amber every few seconds and she took a step back. The Joker tapped the corner of his eye. "Are your eyes really that color or are they contact lenses?" he asked, still grinning.

"Why do you want to know?"

"I'm a curious guy." He glanced over Amber's shoulder and his grin widened, revealing slightly yellow but perfectly straight teeth. "You might want to stop backing up," he suggested.

"What? Wha-ah!" Amber stepped on spilt ice cubes and went tumbling backwards. She bumped into a trashcan, the motion sent her legs up into the air and she fell into the can. Laughter erupted throughout the entire cafeteria at the sight of Amber's legs sticking out of the trash can. She began to kick her legs around, hoping to tip the container over so she could wiggle out and get the trash can off of her. "You're in big trouble mister!" she shouted.

Amber succeeded in tipping over but someone decided it would be funny to roll the new nurse in the trash can across the cafeteria floor, out of the room and release her to continue rolling down the hall. "Aaaaaaaah!" a voice screamed from inside the container. She came to a sudden halt when the can rammed into the wall at the end of the hall. Nurse Amber got on her hands and knees and slowly backed out, rear-end first. She paused when her view was no longer obstructed by the garbage bin.

Doctor Arkham was standing frozen in place, clip board in hand and in mid-scan of his notes. He had been interrupted by the sight of a black trash can rolling down the hall with two legs spinning around inside of it. Now he was watching Amber crawl out with a shocked and confused look on his face.

Amber slowly eased out of the can and sat on the back of her calves without taking her eyes off of him. She gave him a curt nod, which caused a large salad leaf to fall from her head. "Doctor Arkham," she acknowledged.

He tilted his head back. "Nurse Amber… I see you found your way to the cafeteria."

Amber sighed and flicked a slice of tomato off her shoulder. "Yes indeed."

**(Well, I hope you liked this first chapter. It gets funnier as it goes along. Leave me a review to let me know what you thought!)**


	2. The Tourist & The Guide

**(Hello again! I'm glad that I got some reviews that were positive about the first chapter. And because of that, I've decided to be really nice and upload the second chapter today! I do not own the Batman characters except for Tommy Tetch, Gatsby, Caleb, and Amber. Katherine, Katlyn, and Chelsea are my friends that have allowed me to use them in my story and cause chaos.)**

Chapter Two

The Tourist and the Guide

The rest of her day didn't get any better; more little incidents occurred. Since she still had cafeteria duty, she was told to continue supervising even after her mishap in the garbage can. That was when she had a run in with the lunatic who called himself the Condiment King. He squirted a bottle of ketchup and mustard on her before security took him away. "All will cower in fear of the Condiment King," he screamed the entire time he was dragged away.

A guard took a look at Amber's stained uniform and chuckled. "First day, huh," he guessed. Amber smiled and grabbed a handful of napkins. Doctor Arkham had told her the asylum was a bit short on staff, so she'd have a very hectic schedule. Her paycheck amount helped her to agree to it, but now she was beginning to wonder if it was worth it.

Amber went into the employees' bathroom and wet the napkins under faucet. "You're out of your mind." She started to try getting the stains out of her clothes, watching her motions in the mirror. "Absolutely crazy, that's what you are."

The door to a stall opened and Amber jumped as she turned to look. A black woman in a doctor's uniform was looking back at her. "No you're not crazy, but talking to yourself out loud does draw some stares," she said. The woman walked to the sink next to Amber and washed her hands. "I'm Dr. Joan Leeland by the way."

"Amber Johnson."

"New, huh?"

"Is it that obvious?"

Joan took in the stains on Amber's uniform and gave a small that said, "Very."

"Is it always like this," Amber asked.

Joan took her time with drying the water off of her hands as she came up with an answer. "Sometimes," she said slowly, "other times it can be worse. And then there are days when nothing happens." She tossed the paper towels in the trash bin and shrugged. "But this is an asylum for the criminally insane; anyone who expects it to be a cake walk should just leave."

"I just didn't expect it to be this hectic on my first day."

"With our patients you have to expect the unexpected and react as soon as possible." Joan gave her a smile. "I hope to see you again, but if not, I understand. This place can kinda get under your skin." And with that, she left.

Amber didn't wait; she flew after Joan. "Wait! I need your guidance!" she cried. Joan turned around to look at the new nurse; an expression of curiosity and confusion on her face. Amber took a deep breath. "Let me explain; I need someone who knows this place and can tell me the ways of the asylum."

Joan cocked her head to the side. "So basically you want me to be your Jedi Master and you be the Padiwon ?"

"Something like that; please?"

"I don't know if I'd have the time to-."

Amber fell to her knees and hugged Joan's legs. "PLEASE! I've been harassed by the Joker, thrown into the trash can, rolled down the hall in said trash can, snickered at by the guards, been the victim of the Condiment King, and it hasn't even been an hour! Please!" She looked up at Joan with pitiful green eyes and sniffed.

"_Oh dear; green eyes," _Joan thought to herself. _"No wonder the Joker harassed her." _Joan looked at the ceiling, sighed, and lowered her gaze back down at Amber who had now developed the watery eyes look. "Okay; I'll help!" Joan said, defeated.

Amber leapt to her feet and did a fist pump. "Yes!"

Joan cleared her throat. "I'll only help you out for a month. That's as long as I can go, I'm a very busy doctor."

Amber nodded her head vigorously to show she understood. "Uh-huh, one month. Got it! Thank you, thank you, thank you! You have no idea how much this will help me out!" Joan couldn't help but smile at her eagerness.

She took Amber by the wrist and began to walk, pulling her along. "C'mon, there are a few people you need to know about if you're going to work here." They made their way back to the cafeteria and took a small table where the staff sat to eat their lunch. Joan glanced at the clock on the wall and checked her wrist watch. "The Head Security Guard should be here at 12:30." The moment the clock turned from 12:29 to 12:30 a man walked through the double doors. "There he is," Joan said.

Amber's jaw fell open. The man was huge! Not in a fat, bulky sense, but in muscle! His neck had to be as big around as her thigh and his arms could break you in two without a sweat. He had a square jaw and a thin line of a mouth which had probably never smiled since the day of his birth. His black hair was in the classic army buzz cut. He wore his uniform in perfect accordance to the dress code and kept a hand close to his baton.

Amber slowly closed her open mouth and gulped uneasily. "That's the Head Security Guard?"

Joan nodded. "Yep. Don't let him catch you staring. He hates that. Oh, and he can smell fear." Amber's head snapped around in Joan's direction. Her eyes were wide with panic. Joan let out a laugh. "I'm joking!" Amber sighed with relief. "Except for the staring part." Amber tensed up again. "His name is Lyle Bolton. He used to be the head of security at Alcatraz before it closed down."

"Alcatraz the prison?"

"No, Alcatraz the Island Paradise Resort; of course the prison! How many Alcatrazs are there?"

"Don't make me hurt you."

"Ha ha."

Amber looked at Bolton and then back at Joan. "So basically I have to get on his good side?"

Joan had a look on her face that said he didn't have a good side. She stood up and smoothed out her black skirt. "Time for you to meet Gatsby."

….

Joan had brought Amber to the Art Therapy room and found a man putting away art supplies. "Gatsby," Joan called. He turned and beamed at her.

"Ah, my sweet, sweet Joan! How are you?" he asked cheerfully; too cheerfully for Amber's taste. He took Joan's hand and planted a kiss on it.

"I'm fine, Gatsby," Joan answered.

"Good, good, good, good." His smile completely vanished when his eyes fell on Amber. "Who are you?" he asked with no cheerfulness.

Joan put a hand on Amber's shoulder. "This is Amber Johnson, our new nurse. I'm showing her around for a while," she explained.

The pearly white smile reappeared. "Oh fine, fine, fine, fine. Hello Miss Amber, I'm Gatsby; it's very very good of you to come work here."

"Gatsby's the art instructor."

"Yes, yes, yes; I feel that art can help these patients heal whatever hurt they feel and break through their barriers so they can express themselves!"

"_Did the man really just pose? Oh no, he's looking at me! Smile, woman!"_ Amber slapped on a polite smile. Gatsby crossed her personal space boundary and was nearly nose to nose with her. He studied her face and shook his head.

"My, my, my, my, my, you have green eyes. Keep away from the Joker, Miss Amber."

"Too late," she muttered. Gatsby let out a loud, high pitched, giggle. _"He's a fruit loop!" _Amber's mind yelled.

Gatsby stared at her again for a moment, his hand stroking the black goatee on his chin. "You know, I think I might want to paint you," he said suddenly.

"Wha?"

"I'll do a portrait of you! It's been a while since I've had someone new to test my artistic abilities! What do you say?"

The man was practically bouncing on his toes! The word 'NO' was the first thing that came to Amber's mind. Instead, Joan intervened. "Thanks, but no thanks, Gatsby. We have a lot of things to see today."

Gatsby's bouncing stopped. "Oh very well, very well. Some other time then?"

"We'll see," amber lied.

"Till we meet again, my dears!" he sang and returned to his art supplies.

As soon as they were out of earshot, Amber gripped Joan by the arm. "Was that man a former patient here at any point in his life?" she asked.

"You're not the first person to ask that," Joan chuckled. "On with the tour."

"_I don't think I can take much more today,"_ Amber thought.

…

Later that night, when all the patients had been taken to their cells and it was nearing lights out, the topic was about the 'new nurse'.

"So what did you think of that new nurse…uh, uh, Amy? Amanda? Amberly?"

"Amber," Crane corrected the Clown Prince of Crime.

The Joker snapped his fingers. "That's it! Aaaamber! Yeah, what did you think of her?"

Crane sighed and closed the book he had been trying to read. He stood up from his bed and walked to his glass wall to look across the hall into the Joker's cell. "I think her to be too soft to work in a place like this," he answered.

"She'd be fun to mess with though," the Joker chuckled.

Crane went back to his bed and sat Indian-style with his book. "For you perhaps."

"She has green eyes, did you notice that?"

A loud 'ugh' of annoyance was heard from the cell directly in front of the Joker. Katherine sat up in bed and glared at him. "Would you shut up? Some people are trying to sleep! So stop talking about her eyes! What is it with you and green eyes? Do you have some sort of a green eye fetish?"

The Joker stared at her with a look of utter confusion. "How long have you had the cell in front of me?" he asked.

Crane looked back up from his book and adjusted his glasses. "She's been in Arkham for a year but she's had the cell directly across from you since Batman last put you in here eight months ago."

"Bats!"

Katherine pounded her fist on the cells left wall which was next to Crane's. "Hey, Scarecrow, stop saying that word! I know you did it on purpose!" she scolded. Crane was lucky the walls were solid and not glass so she couldn't see his little smirk.

The Joker frowned. "Back on the subject people and mutated Plant lady!" Poison Ivy had the cell to his right and did not appreciate the remark. "What about the new nurse? We could use her to our advantage."

"Like what? Lie and say the guards will let us have cookies past our bed times?" the Riddler sniffed.

The Joker craned his neck, trying to get a glimpse of the occupant of the cell on his left. "No Question Mark Man, like something bigger. Something like-." He was interrupted by the sound of the guards dragging in a straitjacketed girl who was probably an inch shorter than Chelsea.

Katherine pressed her face against the glass, creating a squeak. "Katlyn! They finally let you out of solitary confinement," she cheered.

Katlyn was put in the cell to the right of Crane. He groaned in disappointment. Why did the powers that be decide for him to be the one stuck in the cell in the middle of them two girls?

Katlyn struggled to sit up, still in her straitjacket, and frowned at the guards. "Hey; don't forget to take this thing off of me!" she shouted.

"Don't do it! Munchkins are dangerous," the Joker teased.

The guards took off Katlyn's straitjacket and locked the glass wall behind them. She stretched her arms and bounced on her bed. "As much as I like hugs, I don't exactly like hugging myself for six days straight."

"Try eighteen," the Joker muttered under his breath. Only the Riddler heard his remark and sighed sadly. Those had been the best eighteen Joker free nights of peaceful sleep he had ever gotten….Now they were gone.

"So what did I miss?" Katlyn asked.

"Not much. Victor Fries aka Mister Freeze, froze the cook yesterday because his ice cream was melting too fast," Katherine informed her.

"And we got a new nurse," Chelsea burst.

Katherine glared at the girl next to Ivy's cell. "Hey; no interrupting! I'm the one who was supposed to tell her!"

Chelsea hid under her blankets. "Sorry!"

"We have a new nurse?"

"Yes, very new. She just started today in fact," Crane sighed. He put aside his book. It was hopeless to read any further tonight.

Soon a guard came by and bellowed, "Alright, no more talking! Lights out!" The lights went out and the only illumination provided was the dim bed lamps in their cells of course, due to an incident involving the Joker and his use of the bed lamp as a weapon, the asylum had the patients' bed lamps replaced with new ones. Ones that were bolted to their night stand, which was also bolted to the floor. The guard flicked on his flashlight and shined it in on their cells for a final checkup. He checked the left side cells first; Caleb, Nigma, Joker, Ivy, Chelsea, the next one was empty due to the fact its last occupant had been moved to permanent isolation in the lower levels of the building, and the last cell was Harvey Dent. The guard switched to checking the right side; Katlyn, Crane, Katherine, Harley Quinn, Jervis Tetch, and Tommy Tetch.

He finished his checkup and high tailed it out of there. After he was gone, a few moments of pure silence followed. It did _not_ last long.

"I go loo-oo-ooony as a light bulb battered bug, simply loo-oo-ooony, sometimes foam and chew the rug-!"

Everyone groaned at the sound of the Joker's voice as he sang the song he claimed to have come up with all on his own.

"Puddin'! Please stop! I need to sleep!"

"I'm sorry but I don't listen to traitors!"

"Puddin'!"

"Mister, life is swell, it'll chase those blues away, You can trade your gloom for a rubber room, and injections twice a day!"

"Shut up," Two-Face shouted.

"Oh live a little, Harvey! Come on, join me! You know you want to!"

Harvey paused before he yelled back and looked down at his coin. "Don't you dare flip that coin," Katherine and Katlyn shouted as one.

"I wasn't going to flip my coin," Harvey lied.

"You were thinkin' it," they said together. Sometimes it creeped the other patients out when they did that.

"Just go loo-oo-ooony, like an acid casualty, or a moo-oo-nie, or a preacher on TV!"

"Riddle me this! What is-?"

"Loud, obnoxious, and vile," Ivy hissed out, interrupting Nigma.

The Riddler's bottom lip protruded a bit. "That's not the question at all," he mumbled.

"When the human race wears an anxious face, When the bomb hangs over head, When your kid turns blue, It won't worry you, You can smile and nod instead!"

Chelsea sighed dreamily. "Mr. Joker, you're so clever with words."

"Don't encourage him," Crane told her.

Only the Tetchs didn't seem to be bothered by the singing. In fact, they hadn't said a word. Harley pounded her fist on the wall that was next to Jervis. "Hey Hatter!'

Jervis shot up in bed when he felt the wall his back was pressed to vibrate. He gave a startled snort and rubbed his eyes. "Huh? What?" he slurred.

"How can you sleep with this going on?" Harley asked.

Jervis pulled out a pair of ear plugs from his ears and looked around. "Was someone trying to call me?" he asked with some confusion.

"He has ear plugs!" Ivy screeched.

"Where did he get those?" Nigma asked angrily.

"Tell us where you got them, Tetch, or I may or may not seriously hurt you; depending on which side my coin lands!"

Nigma rolled his eyes. What kind of threat was that? His ear perked up when he realized that out of all the voices shouting at the moment, the one who had started the mess was absent. He looked across the hall into Crane's cell and searched for a mirror. Lucky guy; he was one of the few patients allowed to have a mirror in his cell. Nigma suspected it had something to do with Crane having been a former psychiatrist to the asylum.

The Riddler found the mirror and moved to where he could look at it and see into the Joker's cell. His jaw dropped and his anger flared. That sick clown was asleep! He should have known he would do something like this!

Nigma stomped over to his bed, got under the covers and pulled the pillow over his head; hoping it would muffle the arguing voices around him. "You'll pay for this clown…"

**(I hope you got a few more laughs out of this. And what could possibly be roaming around in the Joker's head? Please leave me reviews! Oh and also, if there are any Batman villains that you'd like to see make an appearance in this story, please feel free to tell me! Which means you'd have to leave a review. Hint hint.)**


	3. On Her Own

**(I'm so happy that I've gotten the people who've read this to laugh out loud. Weeeeell, now I have some bad news for you. Yeah; something that with put a damper on the consistency of my stories' updates; I've not only got to perform in a musical nearly every night for the past for weeks, but I'm also going to be going into training for a new job. That's good news for me, bad for you. I'm gonna try my hardest though to keep up with updating but I can't make any promises because I'm not sure if I could keep them. Being a person of their word is the Joker's job. So, without further ado; I present to you the next chapter of this hilarious story! *applauds*) **

Chapter Three

On Her Own

Exactly a month later, Amber was well trained in the ways of the Asylum. Joan told her that she was ready to take on the patients herself…hopefully. Of course there had been months where Joan wasn't sure if Amber would be ready…_ever_, but she pulled it off.

On the first day of the following month, Amber walked into the building with her IPod's earphones in her ears and music jammin'. She did a few little dance steps down the empty hall, singing aloud to one of her favorite songs. "_**Party crasher, panty snatcher; call me up if you a gangster; don't be fancy, just get dancy; why so serious? So raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways, all my underdogs, we will never be, never be, anything but loud and nitty-gritty, dirty little freaks! So won't you come on an', come on an' raise your glass! Won't you come on an', come on an' raise your glass!"**_

A throat cleared rather loudly behind her. Amber's green eyes widened and she sucked in her lips before slowly turning. Her stomach flopped when she saw Doctor Arkham standing in the adjoining hall, watching her. He inclined his head. "Nurse Amber…"

"Doctor Arkham…"

He sighed and continued on his way, leaving a very red Amber. She quickly clicked her IPod off and went to go clock in. She ran into Joan while she slid her card and alerted the front desk she was there. "Ready for your first day without me?" she asked. Amber gave a nervous smile that made Joan laugh. "Well, good luck."

"Thanks, Joan." Amber looked at her wrist watch and found it was time to go to the cafeteria to supervise breakfast. The moment she entered the cafeteria a loud voice called out to her.

"Weeeeeeell, look who's here without her mentor!"

Amber looked to see the Joker across the cafeteria smiling broadly at her. By his side were Harley and Chelsea, both grinning stupidly at him. Apparently the Joker had let Harley join him again. He and the girls were carrying breakfast trays as they walked towards Amber. _"Why are they coming towards me?" _Amber wondered nervously. She looked to her left to see that the Joker's 'group' was seated at the table by her.

"Hi-ya, toots," Scarface greeted.

Amber gave a meek wave. One of Joan's lessons came flooding back to her. _"Don't be meek or nervous. Hold yourself up confidently and speak like you have authority. Let them think you know what's going on…even if you don't have a clue." _

"Good morning, Nurse Amber," the Mad Hatter, Jervis Tetch, said with a sweep of his tall hat.

"Good morning to you too, Mr. Jervis," she replied.

The Joker sat in the seat reserved for him, which left one empty seat by his side. Chelsea and Harley looked at one another and in the blink of an eye, rushed for it. Everyone at the table seemed to be oblivious to the pull-and-shove game going on over the seat. The Joker calmly ate breakfast as Chelsea pulled Harley back by the collar of her shirt while balancing her tray in the other hand. She seemed to have a clear shot until Harley came from the side and shoved her with her shoulder. Chelsea retaliated by sticking her foot out and tripping Harley.

Harley took a big fall and her milk carton went flying into the air; landing nicely on the Joker's tray. He blinked at it and looked up at the ceiling curiously. He shrugged and opened the milk carton, downing it in one swig. Harley picked herself off the floor and saw Chelsea's butt was about to sit in the seat. She stretched out her arm and held a fork up. When Chelsea's rear made contact with the prongs, she shot up and moved away from the seat so she could walk the pain off. "Aw! Ouch! Ah!" she howled.

Harley quickly sat down in the seat and grinned triumphantly at no one in particular. She happened to look up at Nurse Amber to see her eyebrow lifted and lips pursed in disapproval. Harley smiled cheesily at her and went to attending to her Puddin's every whim.

At about that time the Riddler, Katherine, and Katlyn began to pass by the group. Nigma's original two hench girls, Echo and Query, had recently been shipped to Black Gate Prison much to the delight of Katherine and Katlyn. The two of them had easily become the loyal subjects of Nigma and practically adored him.

"Well if it isn't the Clown Prince of Crime and his little Bottle-Blond friend," Katherine said.

Harley frowned. "Hey, I happen to look better as a blond than as a-!"

"Please don't say your natural hair color. You'll insult all women with that type of hair."

Harley's frown deepened. "Puddin'!"

The Joker sighed and delivered a saying he had to say over and over again to get Harley to do what he wanted or shut her up. "Don't listen to her, pooh, you're my one of a kind Harlequin." Harley squealed and gave him a death like squeeze of a hug. "Harley! Eek! Release," the Joker wheezed.

"Sorry, Puddin'," she apologized. Harley stuck her tongue out at Katherine and waited for a reaction.

Katlyn looked up at her tall friend. _"What'cha gonna say now?"_ she wondered.

Katherine smirked at Harley. "Did you know that there's a _shrimp_ out there called a _Harlequin _shrimp? It's really ugly too."

Harley pursed her lips at Katherine and lifted her nose in the air. "I'm gonna ignore that comment," she said haughtily. Katherine shrugged. "Whatever you say, _shrimp_."

Harley slammed both hands on the table and pushed herself up. "All right; that's it!" she cried.

Amber was there in a flash. "Harley, sit down! Katherine, keep moving!" she ordered in a voice none of them expected. Everyone stared at her in surprise and silence.

The Joker looked at everyone's faces and licked his lips. "Well you heard the lady," he said.

Harley turned her head to look at him. "But Mistah J-!"

"Harley," he warned.

The Riddler put a hand on Katherine's shoulder. "Come along, Katherine."

Katherine smiled sweetly at him and went stone faced at Harley. "I've got my eyes on you, Quinn," she hissed. She walked with Nigma to another table. Katlyn lingered behind and glanced at Harley. She two fingers to point at her eyes and then at Harley. Katlyn scampered off to catch up with Nigma and Katherine.

"Man, that little Munchkin gives me the creeps," Harley said with a shiver.

"Nurse Amber?"

Amber turned to find an orderly holding a clipboard in his hand. "Yes?" Amber said curiously.

"You're assigned to medication duty today," he told her. Amber took the clipboard from him and looked at the list of people she had to give medication to. "After breakfast we'll be sending the patients who take their meds in the morning back to their cells. Those are the ones you take care of for today." He turned and left without another word.

"Rude," Amber mumbled. She turned her attention back to the list and scanned the names more carefully. When she got to the Js she froze. "No!" her mind yelled. That's why the guy left in a hurry. He didn't want to be around when she found out that the Joker was on the list.

She hoped that giving patients A-I their meds would take forever. She hoped one of them would have an epic mental break down while she tried to give them their pills; that way they'd send someone else to continue while she took care of the problem. But as luck would have it, no one did. _Phft. Figures._

She paused in front of the Joker's cell and peered inside, hoping he had tried to escape during transitions but instead found him lying in bed with his hands behind his head. Upon seeing Amber, he pulled an arm away from his head and wiggled his fingers at her. She sighed and entered the code to open the glass door. She was very much grateful for the guard assigned to watch over her while she went about her task. "Time to take your pills."

"Ah, Amber, it's been a long time since we talked one on one."

Amber hoped he wouldn't give her any trouble and just take the pills. One look at the mischievous gleam in his eyes and she knew that wouldn't happen. *sigh* She needed to stop hoping and start praying.

Amber held out the plastic cup that held his meds and waited for him to take it. But he never did. "You know, Amber-."

"That's **Nurse** Amber to you."

"Nurse Amber, you kinda surprised us during breakfast with that little outburst."

"Just take your meds, Joker."

The Joker wet his lips and pretended to think about it. "Uuuuuh…No," he answered.

Amber's eyebrows lowered and she set her jaw. She stared the Joker down and he stared right back. "You will take your medication, or I will _make_ you," she seethed.

"And, uh, how do you plan on doing that, hm? Pin me down?" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Amber folded her arms. "You really think that's going to work on me?" she scoffed.

"Maaaaaaybe," he drawled and bit his lip to hold in a snicker.

"Take your meds." She handed him the plastic cup that held his pills.

The Joker sighed like he was defeated and took the cup from her. "Geez, Amber, are you always this up tight?" he asked.

"**Nurse** Amber," she reminded him while folding her arms.

"_Nurse _Amber, right, right, right; listen," he wet his lips, "I feel like we should get on a first name basis with each other. What do ya say?" He gave her his most winning smile.

Amber tapped her index finger on her forearm. "I say you need to get over yourself." She promptly turned on her heel and left the cell.

The Joker waited until she was out of sight before tossing the pills in the sink and waving them good bye. "I happen to like the voices in my head," he joked. He leapt onto his bed and waited for the guard who would escort him to his next destination of the day. He closed his eyes as he started thinking of some devious little ideas.

….

The _clack, clack, clack_ of shoes made him open his eyes to see three guards ready to escort him. "Finally," the Joker cried, jumping up from his bed and frowning at them. "I've been waiting for hours!"

"It's been ten minutes."

"Oh…has it really? Oh well, take me away, gentlemen!" The Joker put his hands out theatrically for them to place the handcuffs on him. The guards grabbed him by the arms and shoved him against the wall while twisting his arms behind his back. "Oof! What part of _gentleman_ did you miss?" he grumbled.

"Shut it, Clown!"

"That's Clown of Prince of Crime to you, Tubby." The guard self-consciously looked at his belly that overlapped his pants' waist belt and glared at the Joker. "Strawberry filled donuts can get to ya, can't they?" the Joker asked mockingly.

"You're gonna eat those words!"

"It appears you already have."

"GAAAAH!"

The guard reached out to grab his neck but was stopped by his two fellow men. "It's not worth it, Jeff; it's not worth it. Let's just take him to musical therapy, okay?"

Jeff muttered under his breath the entire time they walked the Joker to musical therapy. They uncuffed hm with the other occupants in the room. He looked to see…uh…Nigma. _"Who else is here?"_ Crane, Harley, Tommy Tetch, Katherine and her loyal minion, Katlyn. There were others, but he didn't know them; nor did he care. He went to the chair next to Harley and glared at the person occupying the seat. The patient turned his head to look fearfully up at the Joker. "Move." The man jumped out of the seat and snatched an empty chair next to Crane.

Crane fixed him with an icy blue stare which made the patient whimper. "Are you afraid of me?" Crane asked.

"Crane, heel," the Riddler said.

Crane sighed as the music teacher stood in the middle of their circle. "Now, I'm sure all of you have heard of the healing power of music, right?" No one answered. "Well, I'm going to show you how music can help you through the confusion that you are facing and introduce you to the uplifting light that music brings! How does that sound?"

The Joker imitated the sound of a snore. Harley elbowed him in the ribs. The teacher went up to the black board and grabbed a piece of chalk. She began to write her name in that fancy, girly, way that her type usually did. "Show off," someone muttered.

"As you can see on the board, my name is Mrs. Melody," she stated.

"There's a shock," the Joker said in a bored tone. He received a glare from her.

"The first thing we'll be learning is how to express yourself by using your voice by singing," she informed them.

"You should know that, Joker," Nigma whispered loudly. His chuckles were cut off when the Joker yawned and stretched his arms which whacked Nigma in the back of the head. "Aw!"

"What did he mean by that, Puddin'?"

"Nothing; I have no idea."

"You know very well what I'm talking about!" Nigma insisted.

"I can assure you I do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

Katherine clamped her hands over her ears. "My gosh! It never ends!" she yelled in a frustrated voice.

"Do too, too, too, too!"

"Do not, not, not, not infinity!"

"Do too infinity!"

"I already used that Nigma; you can't use it after it's already been used!"

The sudden ear shattering screech of nails being dragged across the black board made everyone cry out and cover their ears. Mrs. Melody waited until she saw everyone's mouths clamped shut in pain before she stopped. "Now, if you two would be so good as to explain what all the fuss is about?"

The Riddler pointed at the Joker like a toddler who was about to tattle-tale. "The Clown sings like a canary!"

"Squealer," the Joker hissed.

Harley let out a giggle. "Eddie's joking, Mrs. Melody. We've both heard him sing before and as much as I love my Puddin', singing is not his forte."

"That's because you haven't heard him _really_ sing…," Nigma said mysteriously.

Tommy's head perked up. "You can sing, Boss?"

"No," the Joker said quickly.

"Oooh don't be so modest," Edward teased. He faced the teacher and the rest of the group, a big smirk on his face. "I came across him yesterday morning singing like he was in a Broadway musical. He didn't know I was there until he turned around and saw me." Nigma looked back at the Joker whose cheeks were becoming very red underneath the clown make-up. "By the way, the look on your face was priceless; I never knew your eyes could get so big."

"Shut up, Nigma."

"You know, you don't strike me as the type who would sing, 'Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You.'"

Mrs. Melody positively it up. "That's what he was singing?" she squealed. "I love that song! It takes a very talented voice that song!"

The Joker cut his eyes at Edward with a death glare. Mrs. Melody couldn't stop gushing out ideas. "Oh! I could ask Dr. Arkham to help sponsor a choir group and we could have you as the lead singer!"

The Joker's neck nearly snapped from how fast he turned his head to look at her. "The heck you will," he shouted angrily.

"Oh why not, Puddin'? And how come you never told me you can sing?"

"Because he knew how insanely jealous you'd become if you saw all the women who'd throw themselves at him because of his _golden voice_," the Riddler taunted.

The Joker's eye twitched. "You can talk; you've never had a girl throw herself at you in yer life!"

Katherine scoffed. "Hey, I take offense to that!"

"You're not a girl, you're more like an It," the Joker said, off-handedly.

Katlyn stood up from her chair, a finger lifted in the air. "She takes even greater offense to that!"

"Katlyn, I can handle this," Katherine told her friend while having her sit down.

"Oh, okay," Katlyn mumbled.

"Thank you." Katherine pointed at the Joker. "I take even greater offense to that remark!" The Joker rolled his eyes and ignored her.

Crane adjusted his glasses. "Joker, do you have a fear of letting people know you can sing?" he asked.

"Oh wouldn't you like to know," the Joker scoffed back.

Nigma folded his arms over his chest. "What gives you the idea I've never had a girlfriend?"

The Joker tilted his head at him. "Dude, you're a nerd; I'm the bad boy. Bad boys get the girls, nerds don't. It's Nature's Law. You probably weren't even able to get a _friend_ to go with you to prom!"

Edward's jaw snapped shut and he fixed the Joker with a glare. Tommy and Harley 'ooohed' at the insult. Edward stood from his chair and walked to the door. "Hey, you can't leave," Mrs. Melody hollered. Edward kept going. "Alright, alright; fine. You better go straight to your cell, mister!"

Edward turned to face her just as he reached the door. "Yes, Mrs. Melody," he replied darkly.

Mrs. Melody was frozen by his tone. The Riddler stared at her, unmoving. "Um, alright, uh, I do believe some of you have Art therapy next," she stuttered, finally looking away. The Riddler grinned and went through the door.

….

Nurse Amber had been assigned to go into the high-level security ward to check up on the inmates' cells while they were occupied with their activities. It was a routine search of every cell to make sure the patient wasn't hiding anything dangerous or illegal in the asylum. She had already checked Harvey Dent, Chelsea, Poison Ivy, and the Joker's cell and the only thing she found was a pair of colorfully wacky socks the Joker had hidden under the bed, wedged between the beams holding the mattress. After she checked to make sure nothing bad was possibly inside of them, she put them back and decided to let him keep it.

She got a shock in the next cell. Instead of finding it empty, she found the Riddler sitting on his bed. He was hunched over, clutching his head, with his elbows resting on his knees. He either didn't hear her come in or he chose to ignore her, because he didn't move.

"What are you doing here?" Amber asked. Edward lifted his head from his hands and looked up at her, but he said nothing. "Why aren't you with your group?" she questioned.

"Oh stop fretting, it's not like I'm escaping. I decided to take leave of Mrs. Melody's music class and come back here to the solitude of my cell," Edward explained in a board tone of voice.

Amber leaned against the wall and gazed at him. "Who escorted you back?"

"Me, myself, and I," he snapped.

"You know you can't just leave when you want! Do you think this is some summer camp and you can-…." She drifted off when she got a good look at the walls of his cell. Recently painted green question marks of all designs covered the surfaces. Some still had small lines of paint sliding from the design and down the wall. "Edward… what is this?" Amber asked while pointing at the question marks.

Edward gave a fleeting glance at the marks and looked away. "Nothing," he replied quickly.

"Really? Because they look like question marks to me."

Edward glanced at the wall again and studied them as if for the first time. "Why yes, it appears that way, doesn't it?"

"Mmmh-hmm. Did you draw these?"

"No."

"Did you _paint_ these?"

Edward paused. "You may be correct in assuming that…," he said slowly.

"Edwaaaard-."

"I'm sorry, but the walls needed to be decorated! I abhor these plain white walls!"

Amber arched an eyebrow at him. "Abhor?" she repeated.

Edward folded his arms and lifted his chin at her. "Oh, excuse me for using a word above your vocabulary," he said haughtily.

Amber's jaw dropped. "_**Excuse me**_?" she scoffed.

Edward immediately regretted his words and decided to tell her the real problem. _"She hasn't called the guards yet…," _he thought to himself."I'm sorry but I'm in a bad mood! The Joker was picking on me again!" He slightly stuck out his lower lip without even realizing it, making him look like a little boy pouting.

Amber softened up and smiled sympathetically as she sat next to him on the bed. She put a hand on his shoulder. "He's just jealous of you," she said.

"He already gets all the girls, what has he got to be jealous over me about?" Edward asked sulkily.

Amber wrinkled her nose. "What?"

"The Joker told me that n high school I was a bit of a freakish nerd and didn't get any girls, but Bad-Boy Joker got all of them. The thing is…I can't exactly remember if it's true of not. I've been diagnosed with a memory problem and the Joker knows it! He knows that the thing that bothers me the most is when I can't remember!"

Amber was strangely still with a smile frozen on her face. "Do you know where the Joker is at this moment?" she asked sweetly.

"I think he's in Art Therapy right now," Edward mumbled.

"Thank you."

She gave him a pat on the back and stood up from the bed. "Stay here, make yourself comfortable," she told him while locking his cell.

Edward sighed and stretched himself out on the bed with his hands behind his head. "Sure; why not? I'm not going anywhere at the moment."

Amber turned and the smile vanished from her face as a glare replaced it. She left the room and stormed down the hall to the double doors with **Art Therapy** painted above them. The doors flew open and slammed closed behind her. **"Joker!"**

The Joker froze; hand in mid-air because he was in the middle of painting the walls with smiley faces, HA HAs, 'Batman Must Die!', and other little scribbles. The other patients in the room looked up from working on their canvases. Poison Ivy, Crane, Caleb, the Mad Hatter, Chelsea, Harvey 'Two-Face' Dent, Katherine, and Katlyn were among them.

The Joker slowly turned to face the owner of the voice that had called him so angrily. A grin appeared when he realized who it was. "Amberrrr! Baby," he said smoothly as she marched her way over to him.

"_Oh he did not just call me baby,"_ Amber thought furiously.

"It's so good to see you,' he greeted.

Amber pointed at him sternly. "Don't start! Now answer me this; why did you tell Edward lies about his past?"

The Joker cocked his head to the side. "Which lies would that be?"

"The ones about him never getting any girls."

The Joker took a moment to think. His face suddenly lit up. "Ah! That one! What about it?"

"You lied to him!"

"He doesn't know that."

"He believes it!"

"Good for him."

"He has no self-confidence now!"

The Joker giggled. Amber frowned and looked at a stool nearby. A bucket of green paint sat on it within hands reach. She looked back up at him and seemed to study his hair. "You know Joker, your hair is starting to lose its greenish tint," she said.

The Joker reached up and touched the top of his head. "Really?" he asked.

"Yeah; let me help ya get it back."

The next thing he knew, globs of wet, green paint covered his head as Amber shoved the bucket onto his head. It hid his face from the bridge of his nose and up. Amber smiled smugly as paint oozed down his face, uniform, and the floor; the whole class 'ooohed' at once. The Joker slowly reached up and lifted the bucket to where it no longer hid his eyes. A smile crept onto his face as he stared at Amber. "Oh I am so turned on right now," he said devilishly.

"Whoa! TMI," Katherine shouted.

"My ears," Katlyn screeched.

Amber let out a frustrated yell and turned on her heel, walking away from the Joker.

"See ya later, Pretty Girl," he called out.

Katherine shook her head. "You _really_ think you're a ladies man, don't you?" she asked.

"Of course I do; it says so in my song."

"Your song?"

"Yeah, 'The Joker' by Steve Miller Band. It clearly says, '_**Some call me the gangster of love'**_."

"They must have been referring to another Joker, 'cause obviously-."

"Hey," the Joker snapped.

Katherine shrugged and went on with her painting. "I'm just saying, you're no Casanova."

The Joker frowned and took a step towards her. His foot slipped on the paint covering the floor, causing him to fall on his back. The bucket once again fell over his eyes. the patients erupted into laughter as he propped himself up with one elbow and slightly lifted the bucket to glare at them. The sounds of their laughter brought the art instructor, Gatsby, hurrying from the supply room, fearing the worst.

When his eyes landed on the Joker, he huffed and folded his arms over his chest. "Mr. Joker; clean up this mess you made," he ordered.

The Joker's eyebrows shot up. "You think I would put a paint bucket on my head?"

"Yes; yes, I do."

"Look, Gassy-."

"Gatsby!"

"Whatever. I may be crazy, but honestly! Why would I put a paint bucket on my head?"

"I expect this mess to be cleaned up now."

The Joker carefully stood to his feet, paint still dripping from the bucket adorning his head. "I didn't do this!" He looked at Ivy and back at Gatsby. "Ivy! Ivy will tell you what happened! Tell 'im, Ivy."

The art instructor turned his eyes on Ivy and waited. Ivy put her paintbrush down and met his stare. "It was the strangest thing, one second he's painting the walls, the next he starts talking to himself and puts a bucket over his head."

Gatsby turned to look at the Joker and found that his right eye was twitching. The clown pointed at Ivy. "Traitor," he hissed, "whatever happened to villains sticking with villains, huh?"

"I believe I'm what you call a villainess, and in case it escaped your attention; I don't like you!" Ivy resumed her painting while Katherine and Katlyn tried to smother their giggles. Chelsea glared at them but it only increased their mirth.

The Joker heard them and fixed his glare on the two girls. "Hey; Squirt! Munchkin! Shut it," he demanded.

Katherine only laughed louder and fell off her stool. "I'm sorry; I can't take you seriously with that bucket on your head, dude," she wheezed between laughs.

The Joker looked at Gatsby to see he too was holding back a chuckle. "Your time will come," he whispered forebodingly. He spun around and headed for the bathroom to clean himself up.

"Hey, hey, hey, hey! You cannot leave this room without an escort," Gatsby burst.

"Do you reeeally want to tell me what I can and cannot do right now?"

Gatsby took one look at the expression on the Joker's face and seemed to shrink. "No…," he squeaked.

The Joker walked out of the room and the sounds of guards' voices shouting could be heard.

"It's the Joker!"

"He's escaping!"

"Get a tazor on him, now!"

"What? No! I'm not escaping!"

"Lower your weapon, now!"

"It's a paint bucket! What am I gonna do with a paint bucket?"

"I said put the weapon down!"

"Paint bucket! GAH!"

The slight crackling of electricity was heard and the sound of a body collapsing followed. Gatsby sighed. Now that he was gone, maybe things would be a little more peaceful.

"Hey, Caleb," Katherine called cheerfully. "Look what I painted!" She turned her canvas around to show Caleb. Bats were painted all over its surface.

"BATS," Caleb screeched.

Gatsby groaned. "Never a dull moment in Arkham Asylum. Never ever ever."

….

The Joker was barely conscious as the guards dragged him down the hall to his cell. His shoes made the occasional squeak as they scrapped against the floor. He was able to make out that they had just passed Nurse Amber and she paused in whatever she was doing to stare at hm in confusion. He gave her what he thought was a seductive grin but n his present state he looked drunk. "Hey; how you doin'?" he slurred.

Amber shook her head and walked away. The Joker craned his neck around to look up at the guards. "I think ya might have tazered me a little too much, eh?" he snickered. They ignored him the entire walk to his cell and threw him inside. He spent a few minutes giggling to himself before finally collapsing onto his bed.

"_**Just go loo-oo-ny, like an acid causality, or a moo-oo-nie-!"**_

"oh my freakin' gosh! Stop it!"

The Joker lifted his head and looked at his right wall. "Is that you, Eddie?' he asked.

"…Are you drunk?"

Apparently he still sounded strange. "Yeah, sure; I'm running a freakin' speak easy under my bed. We have parties every night at 10:00; feel free to drop in."

"…You must have been tazered."

"Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner!"

"I guess I won't be getting my nap any time soon," Nigma sighed mournfully.

The Joker grunted as he shifted onto his side. "Oh, don't be a baby; I'm getting a nap too. Just as soon as I change into my more comfortable socks."

He extended his arm out to reach under the cot when the Riddler said, "That is, if they're still there." The arm froze.

"What?" the Joker asked.

"Nurse Amber was here earlier doing the room check. She's a very thorough searcher. I watched her go through a cell and she's not a half-doer like the others."

The Joker rolled off his bed and stuck most of his upper body underneath it, searching for his precious socks. They were where he left them, but obviously had been moved. He grabbed them and crawled out from under the bed. The Joker sat on his mattress and stared at the socks. She let him keep the socks? He had lost many a pair of colorful socks to Arkham's staff. So why did she let him keep them?

"Joker?"

His ears perked up at the sound of Nigma's voice. He was curious as to why the Joker hadn't said a word yet. "She didn't take them," the Joker said.

The Riddler was quiet for a moment. "Hm…odd," he commented.

"What? The socks?"

"No, I mean, _she's_ odd."

"How so?"

"She didn't call the guards when she found me in here and learned I didn't have an escort with me."

"…really?"

Edward looked in the direction the Joker's voice was being heard. He recognized that hint in his tone. The Joker had an idea. He moved to his glass wall and looked at Crane's mirror into the Joker's cell. The Joker had moved to lean against his glass wall, his body turned to Nigma's cell.

"Nigma…how would you like to have thing a little…easier around here?"

Edward quirked an eyebrow. "How?" he asked slowly with suspicion.

"We have to write those letters to Arkham tonight, right?"

"Yes, and?"

"I'll tell everyone my idea then," he added with a mischievous grin.

Edward watched as he went back to bed, grinning like a fool.

**(Please review!)**


	4. My, How the Tables Have Turned

**(Sooo, I'm back with another chapter for this story! The few people who have watched my videos 'Batman & Coffee' and 'Joker and Batman Catfight' on YouTube should recognize the character that shows up next. I do not own the Batman characters or Katherine, Katlyn, Katelynn, or Chelsea. But I do own Amber, Caleb, Gatsby, and Tommy Tetch. What does the Joker have in store for our nurse, Amber? Read on to find out! Hope you enjoy it!)**

Chapter Four

My, How the Tables Have Turned

The next morning, Dr. Arkham had called for Nurse Amber to his office.

"_He must be going to fire me because of the paint bucket incident,"_ she thought.

Nervously, she knocked on his door.

"Come in," he called.

Amber pushed the door open and found the back of his chair facing her. It swiveled around to reveal Arkham with his hands together and fingertips pressed to his lips. A very grave look was on his face.

"I've been waiting for twenty minutes," he told her.

"I'm sorry, sir; but one of the patients I was giving medicine to thought he was a banana and I was a monkey…things got rough," Amber explained.

Arkham motioned for her to take a seat, which she did immediately. He eyed her for a moment before speaking.

"I wanted to talk to you about your performance here. You've been with us for a month now, right?"

"A month and one day. Two days if you're counting today."

Arkham nodded. "Which is why it surprises me to have heard the things I have from others concerning you."

Amber shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "Like what?"

"Things that make me question if I made the right decision about having you as a spare nurse. Nurse Amber, by reading these reports, it is quite clear to me that you can no longer be a spare nurse."

Amber closed her eyes. "_Here it comes. The words every person dreads to hear on 'The Apprentice'; you're fired."_

"Nurse Amber, you're being promoted to a higher position of nursing here. You'll be given assigned patients to take care of; you'll no longer do the jobs that get thrown at you."

Amber's eyes flew open. _ Huh? _"Really?"

Arkham nodded, smiling. "You'll be assigned to some of the residents in the High Level Criminally Insane Ward."

Amber wasn't silent for very long. She leapt to her feet. "Why do I have to be assigned with the most dangerous criminals in the asylum?" she burst. "I'm not even a year old! I've only been here for a month!"

"And one day."

"Two days!"

"Sorry; two days. But a months and two days is like two years in Arkham Asylum years. Not very many of our staff stays this long."

Amber plopped back into the chair and her bottom lip protruded out a bit. "But why me?"

"Because they like you," Dr. Arkham told her.

Amber stared at him, brow furrowed, mouth slightly open. She blinked a few times before closing her mouth and swallowing. "Come again?" she asked, uncertain if she had heard him correctly.

The doctor pulled out a file and flipped t open. "According to the patients' letters-."

Amber's green eyes looked up from the file to Arkham's face. "Letters?" she repeated.

He looked over the rims of his glasses at the young nurse. "Every now and then, we have the patients write letters to me and I look over them with the Board to see what techniques are working and what is not."

He picked up a small stack of letters and held them up for him to read. "In their letters, they practically praise you and condemn the rest of the staff. They say, and I'm telling you what the patients themselves wrote; Pamela Isely and Harleen Quinzel say you're like the sister they never had. Jervis Tetch says that you're absolutely charming and you seem to actually care. Jonathan Crane thinks you're an angel, Katherine and Caleb say you're like a mother, Edward Nigma says…," he paused and squinted to make sure he was reading correctly.

He shrugged and continued. "Nigma says you are like the nice ex-girlfriend who actually stayed friends. The Joker said you're like the nagging wife who means well that the husband loves all the same, and Harvey Dent couldn't decide what to call you, flipped his coin and decided not to tell us."

Amber was silent as she soaked in all the information. _"They _sad that?" she asked in disbelief.

"Indeed. I don't want you to think I'm dumping them on you, but I'm trying to do what I think is best for the rest of the staff. With the other nurses and orderlies, these patients have harassed them, assaulted them, and yes, some have even been killed."

Amber's eyes snapped up to meet his but she said nothing.

"They may have harassed you, but not in the extreme measures they have done to others. If I place them with a nurse that they like, I'm sure it will be beneficial to them and the rest of the asylum."

Amber sighed and ran a hand through her golden-brown hair. "I don't know, Dr. Arkham. I mean, I have no experience for this kind of thing and-."

"I'll give you a raise in your pay."

"I'll do it."

…

They had been gathered into one of the group therapy rooms and been told Dr. Arkham had an announcement for them.

The Joker and the Riddler sat on the front row of seats that had been set up for them, facing the front of the room. The Joker twisted his neck around to see who was inside. Harley sat beside him to his left, the Riddler to his right; Crane sat directly behind him. Katherine was by the Riddler and Katlyn by her. Chelsea, Caleb, Tommy, Jervis, Ivy, and Dent were there as well.

The Joker grinned and turned back to the front.

He felt a finger tap his shoulder and Crane leaned forward to whisper in his ear. "Remind me again, Clown, why I had to write that sappy letter that was a perfume scented marker away from being a love letter?"

The Joker's grin widened and he lazily slouched in his seat. "Because it wouldn't have worked unless we all pitched in," he answered.

"Why must we have Nurse Amber as our assigned nurse?"

"How many nurses in this asylum are like Amber? Hm? None. She gives more freedom than anyone else and she doesn't even realize it. Like you said, Crane, she's soft."

"…This is about the socks, isn't it?"

"No! The socks are symbolic for other things we could do if we have her as our personal nurse."

"Who's to say it even worked?"

The Joker and Nigma exchanged a glance with each other then turned their eyes forward. "It will," the Joker assured him.

Crane sighed heavily and sat back in his seat.

The door opened and Dr. Arkham came in along with Amber. The Joker gave her a little wave when she glanced his way and he received an elbow to the ribs from Harley. Dr. Arkham's unease about speaking to the group without the safety of them being in their cells was evident in the number of guards he had in the room. The man stood at the front of the room with Amber by his side.

"What's up, Doc?" Katherine said loudly. That earned a few chuckles even from the guards.

The Joker turned his thin body around to glare at her. "I'm the funny one; remember?" he warned in a low voice.

Katherine merely rolled her eyes as Katlyn stuck out her tongue.

"Ahem."

Everyone faced the front at the sound of Arkham clearing his throat. He shifted his weight back and forth from the balls of his feet to his toes which made him sway.

"I've gathered you all here to inform you that you will no longer have various orderlies and nurses attending to you. Instead you will have one main nurse. You are now under the charge of Nurse Amber Johnson."

The Joker and Nigma put aside their differences for a brief moment and fist bumped each other quietly without looking away from Dr. Arkham.

"You got lucky," Crane whispered.

"Ugh; what is that awful buzzing in my ear?" the Joker asked, feigning an annoyed voice. He stuck a finger in his ear and jimmied it around a bit. "It's so annoying."

"Is it a fly, Puddin'?" Harley asked, oblivious.

"No, it's more like a _bird_; a _Crane_ to be exact."

Crane frowned and sat back in his chair again, arms folded across his chest.

Amber stepped up and clasped her hands together. "Well, I thought that for our first day together we could go outside to the courtyard," she suggested.

Katlyn jumped up from her seat with a fist raised in the air. "Yes!" she shouted.

"Katlyn," Amber called in a warning tone. Katlyn blushed and sat down.

Arkham patted Amber on the shoulder and smiled. "Good luck." He gave her shoulder a squeeze and hurried out of the room.

Amber was very much aware that everyone was staring at her. She faced them and gave a cheesy smile. "Weeeell, if everyone would get in line at the door, we could head out to the courtyard.

Katlyn was out of her chair so fast it toppled over in her wake to get to the door. She bounced on her toes excitedly, waiting for the others.

Katherine looked at the empty chair beside her and up at Katlyn. "How'd you get over there so fast?" she asked.

Everyone else slowly moved out of their seats and lined up behind Katlyn.

Amber smiled down at Katlyn. "You can be our leader, I guess," she told her.

"Fat chance."

A hand clamped onto the top of Katlyn's head and pushed her aside. The Joker stood at the front and smiled smugly at Amber. "No Munchkin is going to lead this group." He chuckled.

Amber sighed and led them outside along with the guards.

….

Five minutes had not even passed by before Katherine and Katlyn started to harass the two silent guards who stood at the doors leading back into the asylum.

"Hey, Katherine, look at this! They're like those British guards outside of the Queen's palace; watch!"

Katlyn proceeded to make all sorts of faces at them, poke their arms, call them unflattering names, and other things. Katherine looked around to see if Amber was watching and saw she was busy trying to calm Caleb down from another panic attack brought on by Crane.

She picked up a long stick and held it like a British guard held their guns. Katherine marched up to the guards, saluted, and marched to stand by their side. She set her face into a hard stare, mimicking their expressions. A few seconds passed and Katherine grew tired of her game.

"Woo-hoo! Guard One and Guard Two! Anyone home?" She poked Guard One in the chest with her stick. "Move; dang it!"

Motionless. Katlyn waved her arms around but they only blinked…or was it her blinking?

"Katherine; stop poking the guards!" Amber shouted.

Katherine's shoulders slumped. "Yes, mother," she muttered. She looked at her stick and tried to twirl it like a baton but it slipped out of her grasp and it flew into the air. "Oops," Katherine said as she followed its flight, which was heading towards Nigma.

The Riddler reached up and grabbed it before the stick hit him. He twirled it around to get a better grip and rest the top on his shoulder.

Katherine stared, slack-jawed. "Dude…That. Was. Awesome! Teach me your ways, oh Great and Beautiful One!" she cried while dropping to her knees and clasping her hands together.

Nigma chuckled. "I would, but due to a certain incident involving my cane, it was taken from me. Just like our privileges to were our normal clothes," he said sadly.

Katherine pouted and looked up at the sky. "Oh cruel Fate! Why did you bestow upon us such tragedy?" she cried.

The Riddler sighed and felt an idea spring into his head. He glanced back at Nurse Amber, the stick, then back at her. A smile worked its way onto his lips. "Oh Nurse Aaaaaaambeeeeer," he sang out.

…

After assuring her several times that all he would do with his cane would be to teach Katherine some tricks and after crossing his heart and something about sticking a needle in his eye, Amber finally went to her supervisors to ask for the release of Nigma's cane for the day. He doubted he'd have been able to get it if any other nurse had requested for the cane. Maybe the clown was right about having Amber for a nurse after all?

Nigma held his golden question mark cane in his right hand while the top rested on his shoulder. He marched back and forth in front of Katherine as she stood at attention like a soldier.

"To master the art of cane handling, you must be willing and eager to learn!" he informed his pupil. "Are you willing?"

"I'm willing!"

"Are you eager?"

"I am eager!"

"What was that soldier?"

"I. Am. Willing!"

Nigma stopped in front of her and brought the end of his cane down to the concrete with a loud 'clack!' "Good; let's begin!"

At the far end of the court yard, Nurse Amber stood with her charges while keeping a wary eye on the Riddler and Katherine.

"This cannot go well," she muttered to herself.

"This could be funny," the Joker said, smiling.

Amber rolled her eyes and sighed. _"Why him? Why did he have to be assigned to me?" _she wondered.

Dr. Arkham took it as a good sign that the Joker let her live. He just thought she was fun to mess with.

Amber mentally counted how many patients she had. Twelve! Twelve patients! No other nurse had twelve charges to look after!

Amber pushed aside her frustration and watched the two patients in the center of the court yard.

"Move your hands like this and rotate your wrists in this motion; do you see?" Nigma asked his pupil.

Katherine watched closely and nodded.

"Okay. Now you try."

She succeeded in twirling her stick and ramming the end of it against Edward's nose.

"Ah! I'm _**so**_ sorry, Mr. Riddler! I didn't mean to! I-!" She moved to help him but he extended his cane out and stopped her.

"No; no, thank you! I'm quite alright."

He groaned and bent over as he tried to ignore the insane laughter coming from the other end of the courtyard.

Amber gave the Joker a punch in the shoulder without thinking about who it was she was hitting. "Shut it! He could really be hurt!"

"All the better!" he cackled.

Amber grabbed him by the shirt's collar and brought his '6'1 ft. self to be eye level with her '5'9 ft. self.

"You're not gonna kiss me, are you?" he asked with a giggle.

"Ugh!" she shoved hm away and he fell on his butt, laughing.

Amber checked to make sure a guard was watching the group before she made her way to Nigma.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

Edward turned to reveal his nose had begun to bleed. "Do I look okay?" he retorted.

She looked at the two girls who had been silent the whole time. One look from her and Katlyn broke down.

She pointed at Katherine and screeched, "She did it!"

Katherine looked aghast. "Traitor!" she exclaimed.

"Girls, I'm not asking who did it."

The two friends blinked. Katherine eyed Katlyn. "You sold me out before finding out what she was going to ask; you weakling!"

Katlyn looked down sheepishly.

Just then, a static filled squawk was heard from the walkie-talkie clipped to Amber's hip. She heard her name being called and she brought it to her lips.

"This is Nurse Amber," she answered.

"We've got another patient for you."

Amber's thumb hit the respond button with full force. "You're joking?" she exclaimed.

"Nope; meet us in the recreation room."

"But-!"

"Over and out." _Shkrrr._

Amber stood there, slack-jawed as she stared at the walkie-talkie in her hand. She snapped herself out of it and clipped the device back to its place on her hip.

"Another psycho to join our insanity?"

"AAH!"

Amber jumped four feet in the air and whirled around to find the Joker grinning at her.

"I love the effect I have on people," he sighed happily.

"Hey, don't mind me; just bleeding from the nose," Nigma said sarcastically, a hand cupped under his nose to catch the blood dripping from his nostrils.

Amber face-palmed herself. "I'm sorry, Edward!" she apologized. She motioned for them to follow and joined the rest of their group. "Alright people, we're gonna have to cut this short and go back inside due to an injury and the surprise addition to our social circle. You'll be taken to the cafeteria for lunch while I go and get Edward tended to and pick up the newbie." She clapped her hands once. "Single file, people! Now!" she ordered.

Two lines were formed. One with the Joker in the lead and one with Katherine in the lead.

Amber face palmed herself again. "Single file, single file! That means one line!"

The two lines merged together.

"That's better," she pointed ahead, "Alright! Forward, march!"

The only two who actually marched were Katlyn and Katherine. They were soon joined by six guards to take them to the cafeteria.

"Okay, Nigma, follow me," Amber told him and led the way to the medical station.

She stayed with him until she was sure the bleeding had stopped and sent him with two armed guards to escort Nigma to the cafeteria.

"Poor guy, he's probably the 'easily injured' of the group, I bet," Amber thought to herself.

She jogged to the recreation room, ignoring a group of orderlies as they tried to subdue a patient from his ranting of a 'scarecrow'. Amber pushed through the doors and immediately spotted Dr. Arkham. He and two orderlies were with a girl who looked about Katherine's age; which by Katherine's records, said she was seventeen.

The new girl was about Amber's height with sandy blond hair and crazed brown eyes. Her complexion was a bit darker than the other residents of the asylum, so she must have lived in a sunnier place than Gotham City.

She was jerking her head around to look at everything at once and a big smile was on her face for no particular reason. She seemed … excited to be there.

"Ah, Nurse Amber, there you are. This is your new patient," Dr. Arkham informed her.

Amber smiled pleasantly at the girl. "Hello, who are you?" she asked.

"Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na; Bat Katelynn!" the girl sang loudly.

Amber's eyes widened. "What?" she asked, confused.

"Oh yeah, you heard me! I am Batman… except I am a woman… So I'd be Batwoman!"

Amber turned to look up at Dr. Arkham who wore an uneasy expression on his face. "She's, uh, delusional," he explained.

"_No, duh, Sherlock! I don't need a freakin' doctorate degree to figure that one out!" _ Amber thought angrily.

Now she had another psycho on her hands. Amber noticed something was tied around Katelynn's neck. It was a black cape.

"Uh, Dr. Arkham, what's with the cape?" she asked.

"Hm?" He frowned when he saw it. "How did she get that again? I thought we took it away?"

"Na na na na na na na na; Batwoman!"

Amber took a deep breath to control herself before speaking. "Just…what _exactly_ is she delusional about?" she asked.

"She… thinks… she's Batman."

"Batman? She thinks… she's Batman?"

"Yes."

"Mh-hmm… Excuse me for a moment."

Amber walked to a supplies closet, opened it, and stepped inside. An angry yell of frustration was heard from within the closet. Amber stepped back out and smiled at Katelynn.

"Hello, Katelynn. I'm going to take you to the cafeteria now for lunch, okay? But first, we have to take the cape because t's not allowed in here," Amber explained.

Katelynn clutched the ends of her cape and went wide-eyed. "No! I have to have it with me! It's my secret identity!"

Amber lifted an eyebrow. "Honey, how can your identity be a secret if you're not covering your face?" she asked.

Katelynn wrapped the cape around her in a Dracula like fashion and held up her cloth-covered arm to hide the lower half of her face.

Amber sighed and held out her hand. "Give me the cape."

Katelynn let out a shriek. "Nooo! You can't have it! I am Batman!"

Amber looked up at the two orderlies and nodded. They nodded back to show they understood. Before Katelynn knew what was happening, the orderlies tackled her to the ground.

"GAH!" she screeched as they pulled the cape from her.

One of the orderlies handed the cape to Amber while he struggled to keep Katelynn pinned to the floor.

Amber tossed the cape to Dr. Arkham. "Go, man! Run!" she urged.

Dr. Arkham blinked at the material in his hands then glanced at the girl writhing on the floor. She let out a battle cry and that seemed to be the signal to make him move. He dashed out of the room with the cape in hand.

Katelynn thrashed about. "You don't understand! They can't know it's me!" she screamed.

Amber stared at her for a moment before telling the orderlies to release Katelynn. They stared at Amber with wide eyes.

"Are you crazy?" they shouted at once.

She quirked an eyebrow at them. They reluctantly let Katelynn go and took a giant leap back from her.

Katelynn was surprisingly still. She sat up and stared at amber, unblinking. "Where. Is. My. Cape?" she hissed.

"It's in the cafeteria. Would you like to come with me and eat some lunch; then we can look for your cape?" Amber suggested.

"Okay," Katelynn chirped and leapt to her feet.

….

When they were in the cafeteria and Amber had made sure Katelynn was seated with a tray of food, Amber went over to sit next to Joan Leeland. She collapsed in a chair and let her head hang back and her arms go limp.

Joan chuckled. "Hard day?" she asked.

Amber let out a groan.

"Apparently so."

Amber sat up and leaned forward on the table by supporting her chin in her hands. "I've been assigned thirteen patients. Thirteen!"

Joan let out a low whistle. "Tough break," she commented.

Amber let her eyes scan the faces in the room to confirm if her charges were all there, and was glad to see that they were. That happiness was short lived when she took a longer look at Katelynn.

She was sitting next to the Joker, who completely ignored her as he ate. Katelynn sat motionless and quiet. Amber was beginning to wonder if she was alive but the girl would occasionally blink, so there was still blood pumping.

She kept her eyes on Katelynn, tuning out whatever it was Joan was saying. Something was about to happen, she could feel it.

"_Great. Not even two months on the job and I'm already developing 'Arkham Nurse Senses'", _Amber thought to herself.

Suddenly Katelynn broke into song which caused the Joker to flinch. "Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na; …Batman!" she sang loudly, slightly bouncing in her seat.

"Bats!" Caleb screamed and jumped out of his seat. He collapsed onto the floor and writhed around, swatting at unseen things. "There's bats everywhere! Ah! Get 'em off! Get 'em off! Ah!"

Katelynn jumped onto the table and continued singing the little ditty. The Joker pulled his lunch tray off of the table as she started jumping up and down.

"Kid, get down! I'm eating here!" he snapped.

Katelynn didn't seem to hear hm and kept on singing.

"Batman!"

Amber looked around at all the patients in the room and cringed. Most of them had been put in Arkham Asylum because of Batman and they weren't very happy that Katelynn was singing his praises.

"Um, Amber," Joan began.

"I'm on it," Amber acknowledged, getting out of her chair. She hurried over and tried to catch the girl's attention. "Katelynn!"

"What?"

Amber looked over her shoulder to see Katherine and the **other **Katlyn. Oh no! Two of them! Amber waved away the Katlyn who was waiting for an answer. "Not you, not you," she explained.

Katherine and Katlyn exchanged looks before shrugging and sitting down at a table close by.

"Hey Katelynn, you need to sit back down, okay?"

Katelynn turned and scoffed at her. "Make me, warden." She started skipping along down the table. Amber jogged to catch up.

"Katel-!"

"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Katelynn spun around, took a running start and slid back the way she came on her socks. Amber quickly changed direction and stood behind the Joker and Harley.

"Katelynn; get down now! You are not the Batman!"

"Bats!" Caleb screeched at the top of his lungs and kicked his legs around.

Harley covered her ears and turned to Katherine. "Can't you shut him up?" she asked.

Katherine also had her ears covered. She shook her head. "I was never able to teach him that!" she replied.

Katelynn spun in a little circle on the table and started singing again.

"Katelynn! Stop it!"

"Make me!"

Amber nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt two hands pick her up by the waist and hoist her onto the table. She looked down to see the Joker.

"Get up there and stop her!" he shouted.

Amber slightly frowned at him for touching her but decided she'd deal with him later.

Katelynn faced Nurse Amber and skipped over. "Are you going to sing with me, Nurse Amber?" she asked excitedly.

"No, Katelynn, I'm-."

"Then I have nothing to say to you! Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na; Batman!"

"That's it! You've left me no choice!"

Amber pulled out a syringe and pounced on her. She uncapped the needle, checked for air bubbles, and drove it into Katelynn's arm.

"Ouch!"

Katelynn yelped.

Amber got to her feet and looked down at the girl. "There; the tranquilizer should kick in soon," she said.

Amber turned to see Nigma and crane standing by, ready to help her down from the table; their way of thanking her. Amber stood there for a few seconds, staring at them before she gave an uncertain smile and placed her hands in the hand they offered her. "Thank you, gentlemen." She cast a glare at the Joker.

"Suck ups," he muttered loud enough for Crane and Nigma to hear.

They all turned to watch Katelynn. She was even more hyper!

"Aaaaaah! I can fly!" She extended her arms out and took a flying leap, landing directly in the Joker's arms.

He looked just as surprised as she did. Katelynn laid her head against his shoulder and smiled adoringly at him. "My hero," she swooned.

The Joker dropped her.

She shot up and started dancing like she was on a sugar rush. "Gaaah!" she yelled and suddenly collapsed. Everyone stared at her in silence.

"Is she dead?" Ivy asked.

"No, just sedated," Amber answered.

She gave Katelynn's foot a nudge and leapt into the Joker's arms when Katelynn's body twitched violently. Amber watched until the twitching stopped. It suddenly dawned on her who she was clinging to. Amber slowly turned her head to look at the Joker.

"Why am I the one who always has women jump into his arms?" he asked.

Amber kicked her feet around. "Put me down!" she demanded.

The Joker rolled his eyes as he lowered her down. "Geez, pick me up, put me down, blah, blah ,blah, blah, blah; make up you're minds!" he whined.

"I thought you'd want women to jump into your arms?" Katherine asked.

"Not when I'm unprepared!" he snapped.

"Well, _**excuuuuse**_ me," she replied sarcastically.

Amber stood by and waited for two male orderlies to pick up Katelynn by the arms and start carrying her back to her cell.

"I can't believe she thinks she's Batman," Amber muttered to herself.

"BATS!" Caleb howled from behind her.

She didn't even turn. Amber looked up at the ceiling and exhaled loudly. "Caleb! If you don't calm down right now, I will paint a mural of the dead gum Batman on your cell's wall!"

Absolute silence met her ears. Amber turned to check on Caleb and found him on his knees before her.

"Please don't do this to Caleb! Caleb will stop! See? Caleb is calm! Caleb is calm!" he begged.

Of course he was anything but calm, although he did stop screaming about bats.

Amber knelt to be at his level and pushed his clasped hands down. "Alright, Caleb, alright. Now go eat your lunch."

"Caleb will go eat his lunch now." He leapt to his feet and scurried to his spot at the table.

Katherine blinked at her brother and gazed at Amber with an open mouth. "Impossible!" she shouted after a few seconds of silence.

Amber gave a mysterious smile as she walked back to join Joan.

Joan held her hand out for a high-five as she took a sip from her drink. Amber high-fived and sank into the empty chair.

**(Was this chapter just as good? What did you think of Katelynn? Who's been your favorite character so far? You can answer these questions for me by reviewing! I'd really appreciate it!) **


	5. House of Horrors

**(Hello dear readers; I'm so sorry that it's been such a long time since I've updated. Due to the high demands that college life has, I can only tell you that the time between my updates will be longer. The Joker does not appreciate this one bit. He's constantly whining about me updating so that you people can read about him. *mutters under breath* "Selfish jerk." But I've been able to find a bit of time to work on this chapter and hope that you enjoy it.) **

Chapter Five

House of Horrors

"_**Baby, baby, baby! You are my Voodoo Child - my Voodoo Child; Don't say maybe, maybe; It's Supernatural - I'm coming undone!"**_ Amber sang as she fixed her hair in front of her mirror. Earlier she had used her hair curler to make her hair wavy. She pulled it up into a pony tail as she did little dance moves.

It was Halloween night and Joan, Gatsby, and Amber were lucky enough to have the night off. Tonight would be amazing! She, Joan, and Gatsby were going to the circus that had arrived in the city a week before Halloween. People were going in costumes and Amber had convinced Joan and Gatsby to dress up as well with her.

Amber practically sang the Hallelujah chorus as she dashed down the halls of Arkham Asylum and out to the parking lot.

Amber leaned closer to her reflection and carefully applied more black eyeliner to give her green eyes an intense dramatic effect. She straightened up and was satisfied that it looked alright. She stepped back to run a critical eye over her costume.

She was dressed as a circus ring master. A long, vibrant red coat would keep her warm from the October weather. Amber adjusted the coat's collar and ran her fingers over the golden embroidery and buttons. She did a little twirl and nearly squealed at how amazing the coat made her look when the ends of it swirled around her body almost like a cape. Underneath the coat she wore a white button up shirt with the collar open a little. Over the shirt she had a black under bust corset.

Amber put her circus ticket inside her dark grey horse riding pants and grabbed her black top hat, ceremoniously placing it on her head. Black riding boots, black fingerless gloves, blood red, tear drop-shaped earrings, a black choker necklace, bright red lipstick, and black finger nail polish completed her outfit.

"Ladies and gentlemen; let the show begin!" Amber said in her best ring master voice.

The doorbell rang and Amber checked her gold pocket watch. "_8:30; that would be them."_ She ran to answer it.

"Amber, dear!" a voice called from outside the door.

Amber flung open the door and laughed when she saw the costume Gatsby was wearing. He was dressed like some kind of a French man, complete with a black beret and a fake cigarette. He wore a red and white striped shirt, a red ascot, and black pants.

Gatsby stroked his black goatee and took in Amber's costume. "Oo la la, mademoiselle! Vous look stunning; absolutely stunning," he said in a thick French accent.

"Ha ha; thanks Gatsby. Where's Joan?"

A chocolate colored hand snaked its way past the door frame and Gatsby moved over to make room for the stunning Gypsy woman that came into sight. Joan wore a creamy white, see through veil over her mouth and a flowy skirt the same color. "What do you think?" Joan asked. Amber could see her smiling through the veil's material.

"Wow, Joan; I didn't know you work out," Amber commented teasingly as she stared at Joan's bare abdomen. Joan blushed and moved to cover her belly with the flowing material that was attached to the back of her shirt and wrists.

Gatsby put an arm around her shoulder. "I've told her she looks beautiful, beautiful."

"Thank you, Gatsby," Joan replied modestly.

Amber moved past them to stand outside the door and struck a pose. "Shall we go?" she asked. Just as they were walking out, Amber's cell phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Nurse Amber; this is Doctor Arkham."

"_Hang up now, woman!" _ Amber's mind screamed, but she ignored it. "Hello, Dr. Arkham. Is there something wrong?"

"Well, I, um, I need you to come in."

"_WHAT?" _Amber thought incredulously.

"Just for a brief moment. We're having a bit of a situation up here with one of your charges. It's the Joker; he refuses to take any of his medication unless it's you who gives it to him."

"_Curse that clown straight to Hell!"_ "I'll be there soon."

"Thank you, Nurse Amber."

"You're welcome." _Shmuck _

She hung up and stared at Gatsby and Joan with her bottom lip slightly sticking out.

"My, my, my; what is the matter, dearest?" Gatsby asked.

"I have to go in to the asylum for a few minutes to give the Joker his medicine. He's being difficult."

"Ugh; that Joker," Joan grunted with annoyance.

"You two can go on to the circus and I'll meet up with you," Amber suggested.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah; go on."

Gatsby offered Joan his elbow and the two hurried out of Amber's apartment and down the stairs to Gatsby's car. As soon as they were gone, Amber turned to go and change but paused. Why should she have to change out of her costume when she'd only be there for a few minutes? Amber thought about the reactions she'd get from fellow coworkers when they saw her in her costume and laughed.

"_Why not?" _she thought.

Amber locked her door and headed for her car.

…...

Of course, second thoughts had entered her mind by the time she arrived at Arkham Asylum and parked her vehicle. She shoved her self-consciousness aside and strolled up to the entrance with her ID and badge in hand.

When a guard spotted her, he thought she was some escaped patient. "Oh no; not another one!" he groaned loudly and took out his gun. "Hands up!" he ordered.

"Wha?" Amber squeaked, throwing her hands in the air. "Officer Bradley, it's me!"

Officer Bradley paused and lowered his weapon. "Oh, Nurse Amber, it's you."

"_No, duh!"_ she thought moodily.

"What on earth are you doing in that get up?"

"It's Halloween, I had the night off, have plans, got a call to come in for a few minutes; you do the math."

Officer Bradley let her through, looking very amused at her costume. As Amber made her way through the halls of the asylum, she got many looks of surprise and curiosity from the other workers. She spotted Dr. Arkham in his office and she went over to his door. Amber rapped her knuckles against the door and waited for him to answer it.

When Arkham opened the door, the look on his face was just as priceless as the Hope Diamond. "Nurse Amber?"

"Doctor Arkham," Amber replied with a smile. "There was a little problem with one of my charges?"

"Uh, yes." Arkham scanned his eyes over her attire once more and stepped outside of his office. "This way."

Amber began to walk away before he could close the door. "I know where the Joker's cell is, Dr. Arkham. Should I even clock in?"

"Uh, well, sure. You are 'working' even if it is to give a stubborn patient his medicine."

"Alright. I'll be sure to stop by your office to let you know when I'm done and gone."

"Thank you."

Amber strolled her way to the patients' cells, thoroughly enjoying the attention her costume was getting. It nearly made her laugh out loud on several occasions but she bit her lip. When she arrived at the High Level Criminally Insane Ward, Amber wasn't so sure that coming in a costume had been such a great idea. The Joker **would not** let this pass without some kind of a comment. Amber braced herself for what was to come.

The cells in that ward were empty; all the patients were in the rec room at this time. The only living thing in sight was a security guard named Titus. He was standing in front of the Joker's cell, glowering at the Clown Prince of Crime. "For the last time, Joker; stop singing that song!" The Joker pretended not to hear him.

"_**Start wearin' purple, wearin' purple! **__**La, la, la, la, la! **_

_**Start wearin' purple for me now! **_

_**All your sanity and wits they will all vanish, I promise; it's just a matter of time!" **_

The guard groaned and banged his head against the glass wall, making the Joker laugh wildly with delight.

"Come on, sing it with me! **'Start wearin' purple, wearin' purple-!"**Amber stepped into view and the Joker immediately stopped singing. He ran his eyes over the costume and quirked an eyebrow. "Or red will do just fine," he said, amused.

Titus turned to the young nurse and didn't even register what she was wearing. He grabbed her by the shoulders, smiling like he won the lottery. "Thank God! Please do something!"

Amber gently pried his hands off of her. "Easy, Titus. Breathe. You remember how to do that, right?" She demonstrated a few deep breaths and Titus only rolled his eyes. He stepped away and let Amber enter the cell as he watched.

The plastic medicine cup was on the sink bar, untouched. Amber looked at the Joker who was grinning smugly at her. "You know, red's more of your color. I guess you don't have to wear purple. You'll be the only exception. You and Nigma that is. I don't think I'd be able to stand it if I saw my precious purple be defiled by him merely wearing it."

"Take your meds, Joker."

The Joker sat Indian style on his bed and folded his arms over his chest. "No."

"Joker."

"Nu-uh."

"Joker!"

"Nope; not gonna do it."

"**Joker; take your meds or so help me you will rue the day you ever set eyes on me!" **

The Joker's eyes widened a bit at her threat, but he didn't seem bothered. "So, where are you off to, Miss Lady in Red? Party? Club? The circus?"

"None of your business!" Amber swiped the cup off the sink and held it out to him. "Take it."

"But I don't wanna," he whined in a perfect imitation of a toddler.

"You're gonna make me late!"

The Joker's ears seemed to perk up at that. "Late for what, sweetheart?"

"Please, just take your medication?"

The Joker lifted a hand to his chin and stroked an imaginary beard. "Hmmm. Tell ya what; how about you tell me where you're going, and I'll take the pills?"

Amber silently stared him down, considering his offer. What harm could it do? "I'm going to the circus with Dr. Leeland and Gatsby."

"Ree-he-he-heally?" he hooted in a high pitched voice.

"What's so funny about that?"

"Well, you don't exactly seem like the type to go to the circus, sweetheart."

"Why not? I have to come here nearly every day."

The Joker laughed at that. "Cute, kid. Real cute."

Amber held out the plastic cup and rattled the pills around inside it. "Meds. Now."

"Yes, sunshine." He reached for the cup and took it from her hand. "I hate to think that you treat your boyfriend like this."

"If I had one he wouldn't be as stubborn as you."

The Joker paused with his hand half way to his mouth, about to swallow the pills. He stared at Amber and a sly grin spread along his face. "What was that, sweetheart?" he asked innocently.

Amber knew she'd said too much and immediately regretted it. She kept silent and the Joker popped the pills into his mouth and swallowed without water. He opened his mouth wide to show her he'd actually swallowed them, making an 'aah' sound as he did.

"I hate you," Amber said, emotionless.

The Joker chuckled. "Aww, ya say that, but you don't mean it."

Amber turned on the heel of her boot and walked out of the cell.

"_**The lady in red is dancing with me,"**_ the Joker sang, a little out of tune. He giggled when he saw Amber turned crimson and lower the brim of her hat over her eyes.

As soon as Titus and Amber were out of sight, the Joker opened his mouth and lifted his tongue. Two pills were nested under his tongue. He spat them out and dumped the pills down the sink. "Nasty little devils." He rubbed his hands with excitement. As soon as it was lights out here, he'd show Gotham some real fun on Halloween.

…**.**

**Later that Night - 9:00 pm. **

The security guard was making his rounds and didn't think anything of it when he came upon an empty cell in between the Riddler and Ivy's cells. He finished looking and began to leave the hall. A few seconds later he ran back in and skidded to a stop in front of the empty cell.

"Oh no, not again!" he moaned and rushed towards the emergency alarm. He pushed the button hard and an awful whirring and flashing of lights began to go off.

"Joker's escaped; I repeat Joker's escaped!" he shouted into his walkie-talkie.

**(I hope you liked this chapter, even though it's short and didn't really involve the other characters. Don't worry, they'll be in the next chapter! I just needed to get this part on here so I could have something in time for Halloween. Please leave a review! What do you think is gonna happen? What do you think should happen? Any suggestons?)**


	6. The Lady in Red & The Clown in Purple

**(Happy Halloween, everyone! Here's the Halloween special that I promised; I hope that it makes you laugh out loud and cause people to stare at you. During this chapter, I suggest you listen to 'Down' by Jay Sean and 'Enter the Circus' by Christina Aguilera.) **

Chapter Six

The Lady in Red & the Clown in Purple

"NO!"

"Come on, Amber; it'll be fun."

"Never!"

"Please, please, please, Amber, dear? You might enjoy it."

Amber eyed the circus ride Joan and Gatsby were begging her to get on. It was called The Fire Ball. It swung its riders high up in the air, nearly to the point of making a full cycle, and then whooshed back down to swing the other way while the part that held the riders slowly circled around. Just the mere sight of it made Amber's stomach churn.

"And maybe not!" Amber answered Gatsby.

"Amber," Joan said sternly, "Do you think I got this tough by sticking to the less exciting rides? Going on the thrilling rides that scare you is good practice for working at Arkham."

Amber gazed at The Fire Ball nervously and bit her bottom lip. "I don't know…"

"Just close your eyes," Joan told her and took Amber by the hand.

"Hey, wait a minute! I didn't say 'yes'!" Amber protested, jerking her hand back but Joan kept a firm grip on it.

"You didn't say 'no' either," Gatsby giggled as he gave her a push forward.

"No! No! No! No! A million times; No! There; I said it! Does that answer you?"

"No," Gatsby said and burst into another fit of high pitched giggles. Joan and Gatsby continued to push and pull Amber into the line for The Fire Ball.

"Help! I'm being forced into this against my own will!" Amber shouted, but no one really took her seriously when they saw it was just two friends pulling another friend towards a ride. Much to Amber's misfortune, the trios' turn came too soon. She had to leave her top hat with the ride's operator and was told she could pick it up right after the ride was over. "If I'm still alive by then," Amber muttered.

"All aboard the Fire Ball, ladies and gentlemen," a voice announced on the loud speakers and was followed by the song 'Down' by Jay Sean and Lil' Wayne.

"_**Baby, are you down, down, down, down, down?**_

_**Down, down!**_

_**Even if the sky is falling down;**_

_**Down, down!"**_

The seating arrangements were divided into six sections and four people sat in each. Amber sat in between Gatsby and Joan. As soon as they were locked into their seats, Amber immediately wrapped her hands around the bars.

Joan, who had sat in the last seat to Amber's right, laughed and gave Amber's hand a pat. "I know you like this song; so if it helps any, just sing along with it and maybe that'll calm you down. Okay?" Amber nodded and tried to separate her lips from the thin line they had formed since she sat down.

"_**You oughta know **_

_**Tonight is the night to let it go**_

_**Put on a show**_

_**I wanna see how you lose control**_

_**So leave it behind **_

'_**Cause we have a night to get away**_

_**So come on and fly with me**_

_**As we make our great escape."**_

"Ladies and gentlemen, the ride is about to start, please keep your hands and arms in at all times."

"Oh geez," Amber wheezed as she felt the ride begin to move. Her hands squeezed the bars tightly, her knuckles turning white. The ride slowly moved to the right, then to the left and spun the seats in a spinning top motion. Soon each swing was getting bigger and faster.

"_**So, baby, don't worry**_

_**You are my only,**_

_**You won't be lonely**_

_**Even if the sky is falling down,"**_

Amber closed her eyes when the motions became too much for her to handle and she focused on the lyrics of the song.

"_**You'll be my only**_

_**No need to worry,"**_

The ride made a sudden sweep to the left and Amber felt her stomach flutter. _"Start singing!"_ her mind yelled at her. She opened her mouth and quietly sung the words. _**"Baby, are you-."**_ The ride rapidly began to plummet down and swing to the right. Amber's heart leapt to her throat at the sudden drop and she screamed the lyrics at the top of her lungs. _**"DOWN, DOWN, DOWN, DOWN, DOWN! DOWN, DOWN !"**_

The ride changed directions and swung to the left, higher than before; even though Amber's eyes were closed, she could tell that she was being turned upside down! Geez, how long was this ride? Her stomach felt like it was rising and falling along with the ride and there were a couple of times when she could swear her butt lifted off the seat.

"_**Baby, are you down, down, down, down, down?  
>Down, Down!<br>Even if the sky is falling down!"**_

The ride lasted for the entire length of the song. When it came to a stop and the seats were unlocked, Amber shakily got down and stood on unsteady legs. She swayed a bit as she walked to the ride operator and got her hat back. Joan and Gatsby were waiting for her at the exit.

Joan cocked her head to the side when she got a look at Amber's face. "Are you okay?" she asked.

"I'll let you know when the world stops spinning," Amber answered. She lifted her top hat above her head and with exaggerated grandeur, placed it on her head. "Let's keep moving." She took a step forward and the ground seemed to tip out from under her. "Whoa," she muttered and down she went.

Joan and Gatsby followed her fall with their eyes and looked at one another. "I'm thinking that maybe, just maybe, the Fire Ball wasn't such a good idea," Gatsby said.

"Oh, go jump off the Eiffel Tower, Frenchie," Joan joked and pulled Gatsby's beret down over his eyes. Gatsby chuckled and adjusted his hat as the two headed over to help Amber off the ground.

….

"Are you sure you're okay?" Joan asked Amber a little later on. The trio was sitting on a park bench near the Big Top tent and enjoying some food and drinks.

Amber took a sip from the straw of her drink and nodded. "I'm fine now."

Gatsby glanced down at his wrist watch. "Well, well, well, it's almost time for the show to start. How about we head on into the tent?" As if to answer their question, a voice suddenly announced that the show would be starting in five minutes.

"I guess we should. We better hurry before the good seats are taken."

They got up from the bench and threw away their trash before they started walking towards the Big Top. As soon as they entered the tent, they headed for the front row and claimed their seats. "Alright; foot rests!" Amber joked and propped her feet up on top of the wall-like structure that separated the audience from the performance area.

"Amber," Joan scolded.

Amber took her feet off. "Just kidding."

Soon the tent was filled with people and the lights dimmed down until it was pitch black. Circus music began to play and a spotlight slowly began to illuminate a figure in the center of the ring. The figure was a middle aged man, whose outfit closely resembled Amber's costume except that his coat wasn't as long and it had tails. He stood with his head bowed and hands clasped in front of him.

Amber recognized the music that was playing through the loud speakers as 'Enter the Circus'. It seemed a bit of a creepy choice, but considering it was Halloween night, the choice was appropriate.

The Ringmaster's head suddenly jerked up and he spread his arms wide. _**"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls," **_his voice boomed out with the help of a head set microphone, _**"Step right up, step right up; come closer! You won't believe your eyes behind this curtain!"**_

The Ringmaster moved from his spot and went to one section of the audience. _**"Witness something you've never seen before, heard before, dreamt before; the most amazing show on Earth!" **_

An explosion of lights light up the tent and revealed the circus performers. Trapeze artists were swinging from one place to another, tight rope walkers walked precariously above the crowds' heads, dancers started their routines, fire breathers spewed flames, and other acts took up their music slowly began to change and blend into a slower melody.

The spotlights all moved to illuminate the upper region of the tent and revealed an aerial silk performer. Amber watched as she moved flawlessly through her routine and applauded when the act was over. Several minutes into the show, Amber noticed that a few performers, who wore masks during their act, were leaving for brief moments of time and then coming back with an entirely new attitude. She found it odd the way they stood around, as if waiting for something else besides their cue.

Her confusion was soon cleared up. All of the lights suddenly blinked out in the middle of an act and the music was cut off. The Ringmaster spoke into his microphone. "Uh, people we seem to be experiencing technical difficulties; please refrain from leaving your seats and remain seated."

As soon as he finished his announcement, the loud speakers let out a high-pitched screech and another voice was heard. "HA HAHAHA HA HA HA -cough, cough, cough … ugh… dumb flies…. Ahem… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Amber and Joan looked at one another with wide eyes. "No," Joan said, incredulously.

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen!" the voice greeted on the speakers.

"Yes," Amber groaned and glared into the darkness.

"I bet you aaaaall thought that I was in Arkham; locked up tight and not able to get out and have fun? Weeeeell… I'm _supposed _to be in Arkham…" The lights all came on and there stood the Joker in the center ring, dressed in all his purple glory and holding a microphone. "_But I'm nooooooot,"_ he sing-songed happily. The Joker let out wild peals of laughter as people began to panic at the sight of him.

The performers that Amber thought had been acting so strangely brought weapons into sight. This only caused the audience to scream in terror. Amber face palmed herself. "This isn't happening, this isn't happening," she whispered.

"And now ladies and gentlemen…" The Joker paused when he saw a little boy and girl in the front row, gaping at him. "And miniature ladies and miniature gentlemen; the real show will start!"

"You crazy clown!" the Ringmaster shouted as he strode over to him.

The Joker leaned forward and grasped the man's head set microphone. He pulled it towards himself and spoke into the mic. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me."

Amber slumped in her seat and proceeded to bang the back of her head against the chair cushion. "Why," Bang! "Me?" Bang! "Why," Bang! "Me?"

"For our first act, ladies and gentlemen; we'll have the Ringmaster shot out of a canon!"

Amber sat up straight and gasped when the goons grabbed hold of the Ringmaster and began to drag him to the brightly colored cannon. _"Somebody stop them!" _she thought, but no one was brave enough or stupid enough to try.

The Joker stood next to the cannon, one arm lazily slung atop it and watched as the Ringmaster was stuffed inside. The man wriggled and writhed around but couldn't get his broad shoulders unstuck. Clearly the cannon had been designed to hold performers much smaller than him. The Joker giggled and knocked on the man's head to get his attention. "Sticks and stones may break your bones… but what about a flying shot out of a cannon?" The Joker pulled out a zippo lighter and held it to the fuse.

BOOM!

The Ringmaster shot out of the cannon, flew across the tent, and ripped past the tent cloth, out into the open. The crowd cringed when his screams of terror came to a sudden stop after his fatal fall.

The Joker twirled around to face the audience, grinning from ear to ear. "Now that we got rid of that stiff shirt, I'll be needing a new assistant! Who would love to have that honor? Hm?" Silence engulfed the entire audience. Amber could have sworn she heard crickets chirping. "Alrighty then; I'll just have to choose a new assistant myself." He turned on his heel and dashed towards the platform that held the spot light. He clambered up the platform steps and roughly pushed the spotlight operator out of the way. "Step aside!" The Joker swerved the light onto the audience and slowly ran it over them. "Who will the lucky person be?" he asked into the microphone.

People started ducking left and right to avoid the lime light; some even crawled out of their seats and got down on the floor. Joan, Gatsby, and Amber were just about to follow their example. Joan and Gatsby laid down on their bellies, horizontally. "Move over, I have no room to lie down!" Amber told Joan.

"I can't move!" Joan replied.

"What do you mean you can't move? Just scoot your gypsy butt back!"

"I_ can't_! Gatsby's behind me and he can't move either!"

"Why can't he-?"

Amber's eyesight was suddenly blinded by a bright light and she instinctively raised her hand to shield her eyes. "Well, lookie here! Not only is this volunteer dressed for the part, but she's also raising her hand! We have ourselves a new assistant!" the Joker said with a showman's air.

Amber's heart plummeted to her stomach. _"Dear Lord, please tell me he's not talking about me,"_ Amber prayed.

"Come on down, Miss Lady in Red!"

"_Why do you hate me, Lord?" _

Amber looked down at Joan and Gatsby. Their faces were apologetic to her. She carefully stepped over their bodies and out into the aisle, the spotlight following her movement. The Joker grabbed the spotlight operator and shoved him back into his chair. "Don't get lazy on the job; got it?" The man quickly nodded. The Joker slapped him on the back. "Atta boy."

The Joker slid down the ladder and landed on the ground. He spun around to face Amber as she walked into the ring. "Ladies and gentlemen, let's give her a big round of applause!" Of course, the only hands clapping were the Joker's and the goons. The Joker jerked Amber over to him and put an arm around her shoulder. "So, Miss Lady in Red, how are you liking the show so far?"

Amber turned her gaze on the Joker. "Well, it didn't suck until the clowns came in," she dead panned. Of course the Joker laughed like it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard, but Amber did see that he had clenched his teeth at her remark.

"How marvelous, an assistant with a sense of humor; ha ha ha!" The Joker pulled Amber in like he was giving her a big side hug and used the hand grasping her shoulder to reach up and give Amber a painful flick on the ear.

"Ouch!" Amber said involuntarily.

The Joker brought the microphone up to his mouth. "Tell everyone here your name, sweetheart." He shoved the mic into Amber's face, nearly hitting her nose.

"Amber Johnson."

"Would the audience like to see Miss Amber assist me with a _magic_ trick?"

_Cricket. Cricket. Cricket…._

The Joker pulled a gun out from his back waist band and the goons aimed their weapons threateningly at the audience. "Let me hear you people!"

_[Insert the loud and obnoxious cheering of people who are being threatened if they don't obey.] _

"That's more like it!" The Joker replaced the gun behind his back. "Does anyone have a pencil?"

While the Joker's attention was engaged, Joan and Gatsby crawled on the floor, up the steps, and towards a small open flap in the wall of the tent. Those that saw them were quieted by a simple finger over the lips gesture. When they successfully slipped out of the tent, Joan and Gatsby hurried over to a hot dog cart and hid behind it. The entire fair grounds were empty due to everyone being inside the tent to see the show.

"Do you think any of the goons saw us?" Joan asked, breathlessly.

"No, no, no; I don't think so. Oh, what do we do? What do we do?"

Joan's attention was caught by a few spotlights set up near the center of the grounds. "Gatsby, I know you're an art teacher and all buuuut…"

"But what?"

"How good are you at shadow puppets?"

…...

"No one in this _entire_ crowd has a number two pencil? Are you_ joking_ me?"

If it wasn't for the fact that Amber was standing so close to the Joker, she would have laughed at his comment.

"Fine! I'll move on to something else." The Joker pulled out a pair of hand cuffs and slapped them onto Amber's left wrist and then slapped the other end onto his right wrist. The cuffs closed with a _schink._

Amber's green eyes widened and she lifted her hand up, jiggling her hand a bit. She looked at the Joker. "What the heck, man!"

"Oh, keep your shirt on; it's for my next act."

"Would that next act be 'Ways to Get a Girl Really Mad and Kill You'?"

…

Outside the tent, Joan and Gatsby had lifted one of the large spotlights onto a platform and were now lowering it down. "Okay, just ease it down, Gatsby; gently," Joan instructed.

"Yeah; gently, gently. I got it, I got it, I-Ouch! Mother Theresa!"

"Sh! What happened?"

"You've got it on top of my left foot!"

"Sh!"

"You try 'shushing' yourself up when you've got a large thing of metal crushing all your toes! Why did we even have to move it from where it was in the first place?"

"SHUSH, Gatsby! If we had turned on the light where it was then it would have cast a glow or a shadow on the inside of the tent and attracted some unwanted attention. Now, lift with me. One, two, three; shift your foot."

The spotlight was removed from off of Gatsby's foot and lowered back onto the platform floor. Gatsby hobbled over to the edge and sat down, massaging the injured foot. "Oooooh; my poor, poor foot."

…

"Joker! Take these off of me right now!" Amber ordered the Clown Prince of Crime.

The Joker tugged on the handcuffs and Amber was moved closer to him. He looked her directly in the eyes and gave a dark smile. "I do believe we're not in Arkham anymore…I don't have to listen to you."

"Why are you here?"

….

Meanwhile; Joan had switched on the spotlight and aimed it's beam high into the cloudy sky. Gatsby was manipulating his hands into all kinds of shapes, trying to find the right form.

"How about this one?" Gatsby asked Joan.

Joan cocked her head a little to the right. "Uuuh… it looks more like a bird."

"Alright, alright. How about this one?"

"Uh… butterfly."

"This one?"

"… Chicken head."

"This?"

"… What is that?"

"Never mind. How about this one?"

"More like a moth."

"Oh, for goodness sakes! How am I supposed to make a shadow look like a perfect imitation of a bat! I want to call Batman; not Mothman!" Gatsby noticed a black piece of paper was stuck to the bottom of his shoe. "Ugh! Get off, get off!" He started kicking his foot around, trying to make it unstick.

"What is it?"

Gatsby continued his little cancan dance. "It's some piece of Halloween decoration. It must have some gum on it."

"Halloween decoration?"

"Yeah, it's a bat-shaped cut out. Jeez, get off of me already! Off, off, off!"

"Gatsby."

"It's stuck really bad."

"Gatsby."

"I might as well try ignoring it and keep trying to make a bat shape with my hands."

"Gatsby!"

"What?"

"Bat-shaped cut out."

"Yeah; so?"

"Gatsby… _bat_-shaped…"

Gatsby stood silently, blinking at her for a moment, then the information began to sink in. "Oooooooh."

….

"You know, I kinda feel like sawing someone in half; what do ya say, audience? Who wants to see me saw someone in half?"

"Joker, why did you come here?"

"I don't feel like answering any questions, nurse." The Joker turned his back to Amber and faced the audience. "How about we have a little fun; hm?"

"Sounds like a good idea," said a gravelly voice from behind the Joker.

The Joker's bow wrinkled at the sound of the voice. "Geez, Nurse Amber, you should gargle some salt water for that sore throat. You know, you kinda sound like-," the Joker turned around to look at Amber and found Batman glaring at him. "Oh…"

"Hi," Batman rasped and rammed his fist in the clown's face. What escaped Batman's notice was that Amber and the Joker were handcuffed; so when the Joker went flying backwards from the impact of Batman's fist, Amber went flying with him.

"Agh!" Amber screamed as she was yanked off her feet and landed horizontally on top of the Joker's back. The end of her red coat flew up and covered her head. Amber lifted her free hand and pushed back the fabric from her eyes. _"This is just peachy,"_ she thought.

The Joker groaned loudly from underneath her. "Geeeeeeez; how … much … do you weigh?" He promptly received a jab in the back from Amber's elbow. "Ack! Watch where you stick that knife!"

Amber's anger rose at the insult. "How the heck did Harley ever fall for you?"

The Joker rolled over underneath Amber to be face up, which shifted her position to where she was lying across his stomach. "My good looks and charming personality were too much for her," the Joker answered, smiling cheesily. Amber rolled her eyes and scoffed. The two of them sat up and saw that the Joker's goons were keeping Batman busy by fighting him. Since the goons were too occupied with distracting the Batman, the audience was taking the chance to escape.

"Aaaaaaw; there goes my audience," the Joker whined.

Amber shook her hand under the Joker's nose to get his attention. The handcuffs made a loud clinking noise. "Joker, unlock these handcuffs, now!"

The Joker stared at Amber with his lips slightly formed like an 'O', and his eyebrows lifted in confusion. "You think I have the key?" he asked.

Amber's arm fell slack onto the dirt. "You don't have the key?" she shouted angrily. The Joker flashed another cheesy grin.

"Joker!" Both heads turned to see the Dark Knight running towards them.

"Aaand that's our cue to start running, sweetheart," the Joker said. He jumped to his feet and took off in the opposite direction. Amber was jerked onto her back and drug on the ground a few inches before the Joker whirled around and grabbed Amber's arm. "Come on," he urged and began running again.

Amber was nearly thrown off balance but regained her footing in time to avoid eating dirt. She dug he booted heels into the soil and pulled on the handcuffs as hard as possible. The Joker's run was brought up short and he came back like a purple yo-yo.

"What are you doing?" he asked with annoyance.

"I'm not running from Batman; are you crazy?"

The Joker gave her a look that clearly asked, "Have you forgotten who I am?"

Amber rolled her eyes. "Forget I asked," she muttered.

"Please run?"

"No." Amber folded her arms over her chest and glared.

"You leave me no choice," the Joker sighed. He quickly picked up Amber and slung her over his shoulder. The Joker glanced back at Batman and started running for the tent exit.

"Joker, put me down!"

"Not a chance!"

_Whoosh!_

The Joker felt something wrap around his legs and pull them out from under him. He hit the dirt and dropped Amber on the way down. The Joker looked at what had caused his immediate stop and saw a rope with a metal bat twisted around his ankles. "Where does he get all these toys?" the Joker wondered aloud. A tug at his arm warned him that Amber was picking herself off the ground and standing.

Amber took one quick step away from the Joker and felt the resistance pull her back. The Joker was still lying on his belly, right hand cupped under his chin, and looking up at Amber with mock curiosity. "Having issues, buttercup?" he asked.

"UGH!" Amber cried in frustration and kicked the dirt with her boot. "Get up and turn yourself in to the Batman so I don't have to suffer being in the middle of a fight between you two!"

The Joker was silent for a moment and then burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. "Turn myself in to Batsy? That's a good one!"

What the Joker didn't realize was that while he was rolling on the ground, laughing, the Batman was getting closer and closer… and he did _not_ look happy. At the sight of Batman's expression, Amber's thoughts began to flash through her mind at top speed.

_That's not a happy face! Does Batman have a happy face? No, he has mean face and angry face; and then there's really angry face! That's his really angry face! I'm gonna get hurt and all because of that stupid, purple, clown, pimp! _

Amber tugged at the small chain that kept the handcuffs together. _Break, dang it! Where's a can full of spinach when you need one?_

The Joker's laughter had subsided and he opened his eyes in time to see Batman standing over him. "Oh nuts…"

Batman grabbed a fist full of the Joker's shirt and yanked him off the ground. He lifted him up to be eye level. "I'm taking you back to Arkham!" he growled.

"Spare the innocent bystander!" Amber yelled in a panic as Batman raised his fist.

Batman paused and stared at the young woman that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere from behind the Joker. "Ma'am, please leave; you could get hurt standing this close."

"I can't do that, Mr. Dark Knight."

"…Why?"

"Because I can't find the strength to break free from the Joker," Amber explained sarcastically. The Joker whooped at her joke and went limp in Batman's grasp. Batman gazed at the handcuffs and Amber could almost see the light bulb go off over his cowled head.

"Oh," Batman replied.

…...

A few hours later, a bruised, dusty, and very much drained, Amber stood in front of her apartment complex. She climbed the stairs to her floor and dug out the keys to her door. The moment she entered the living room, Amber collapsed onto the sofa, sending a small dust cloud billowing up into the air. When she went back to work tomorrow, Amber promised that 'it was on' between her and the Joker.

"It is so freakin' on from this moment on!"

…

The Joker was thrown into his cell, slightly disoriented from being tazored. "Have a fun night, Joker?" the Riddler asked haughtily.

"Why yes I did, Quiz Boy. Lots of fun. Why? You jealous I was able to get out?"

The Riddler was silent.

"How come you didn't take me with you, Puddin'?" Harley whined.

"I, uh, I had some business I needed to attend to. That's not fun for you."

"But I thought you said you had lots of fun?" Katherine asked slyly.

The Joker glared at her from across the hall. "I only said that to make Nigma jealous!"

"Sure ya did, clown boy, sure ya did."

The Joker sent Katherine a death ray with his hand and hopped into his bed. He got under the covers and put his hands behind his head, ready for the Sandman to visit…but not until he did something first….

"_**I go loo-oo-ooony  
>As a light bulb battered bug,<br>Simply loo-oo-ooony,  
>Sometimes foam and chew the rug-!"<strong>_

"AAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

**(I hope you enjoyed this chapter; I wish I could have done more but I ran out of ideas and received only one suggestion { thank you **Evangeline Evergreen_**} **_**please leave me some reviews! I love to hear from my readers!)**


	7. A Very Arkham Christmas

**(I'm so happy that so many people are enjoying this story! So I'm even happier to present Chapter Seven!)**

Chapter Seven

A Very Arkham Christmas

The weather had grown colder over the month of November and snow began to fall during the second week of December. Amber was excited about the snow; she always loved to see the city covered in a white blanket of powdery snow.

"_**I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, Just like the ones I used to know. Where the treetops glisten, And children listen, To hear sleigh bells in the snow," **_Amber sang to herself as she hung a golden ball on the asylum's Christmas tree. The tree was located in the center of the recreation room and many of the patients were there to help decorate it. It was a very tall tree and required a ladder to reach the higher branches and to put the star on top.

Amber had asked for her charges to be among the patients who were given the privilege to help with the decorations. Only the ones who had been on very good behavior were allowed to take part. Due to the Joker's escape on Halloween, it took Dr. Arkham a lot of convincing to allow him out of solitary confinement. Now the Joker was tossing silvery tinsel at Nigma and hadn't even thanked Amber for getting him out. Not that she expected a thanks in the first place.

Amber climbed onto the next step on the ladder and placed a sparkling snowflake on the sweet smelling tree. The ornaments were not to have hooks on them, so they had fishing wire as a substitute. Amber looked down to see if her charges were behaving and saw they were being okay. "Maybe it's a Christmas miracle?" she whispered.

"Pretty colors!" Katelynn screamed as she dashed by with strings of colorful Christmas lights wrapped around her body.

"Then again…," Amber sighed.

"Joker! Stop dumping that stuff on me!" Nigma complained, shaking strands of tinsel out of his hair. He and the Joker were sitting on the floor behind Amber. She had assigned Nigma the task of untangling the strands of lights and ornaments. The Joker had been told to put tinsel on the tree, but after doing that for seven minutes, he got bored and decided putting tinsel on the Riddler would be more amusing.

"Oh, come on, Eddie! Lighten up; tis the season to be naughty."

"It's 'jolly', Joker."

"Says who?"

"Says- bleh! What did I just tell you!"

"Tis the season to be jolly? So why aren't you jolly? Why so serious? HA HA HA HA HA!"

Amber rolled her eyes as she listened to the argument going on behind her back. She carefully twisted her body around to look at the two men. "Hey, you two! Behave!"

The two criminals looked at her and pointed a finger at the other man. "He started it!"

"Then don't continue it!" Amber turned back around to face the tree.

The Joker kept an eye on Amber as he jabbed his elbow into Nigma's side. "Ouch!" Nigma yelped, struggling to keep his voice low. The Joker snickered mischievously. Nigma retaliated with a jab to the Joker's ribs. The Joker's snickers turned into a grunt. He returned the jab by shoving Nigma hard with his shoulder. Nigma did the same. Soon they were poking, shoving, and, jabbing each other frantically.

A slight movement from the corner of their eyes put an immediate stop to their childish battle and they busied themselves with the lights as Amber turned back around to climb down the ladder. "Nice to see the two of you working together," Amber commented suspiciously as she walked by to get another box of ornaments. The two men smiled at her and continued smiling until she was out of sight. The Riddler and the Joker resumed their poking war and stopped when Amber returned.

"See, it's not so hard to get along with each other," Amber told them. She turned to hang a red paper poinsettia. The Joker gave Nigma a final jab to the ribs and quickly moved away before the Riddler could hit him back. He gave a smug grin and turned on his heel to finish tinseling up the tree; only to fall smack on his face.

Amber spun around to find the Joker picking himself off the floor and clenching a strand of lights in his fist as he glared at the Riddler. Nigma merely whistled 'Oh Christmas Tree' to himself with a smug look on his face.

On the other side of the room, Crane quickly scurried to the high-backed chair next to the bolted lamp on the coffee table. He settled into the chair and pulled out the hard backed book he had smuggled into the room under his orange uniform shirt. Crane opened up the book to where he had last left off and began to read.

Crane had gotten at least four pages in when a bubbly voice violently jarred him out of his book. "Hi, Crane; what'cha doin'?"

Crane slowly lowered the book to where his blue eyes were visible as he peered over the edge at Harley Quinn. The blond smiled happily at him, bent over with her hands on her knees. "I'm reading," Crane answered stiffly and lifted the book back in place.

"Ooooh… What'cha readin'?"

The book was lowered again. "Dracula." The book rose.

"Dracula, the vampire?"

This time the book didn't move. An audible sigh was heard from behind the novel. "Is there any other Dracula?" he asked sarcastically.

Harley shrugged and straightened her position. "I don't think so."

"Yes; I am reading about Dracula, the vampire."

"Oh."

Since Crane's vision was impaired by the book blocking out any other images, he felt more than he saw Harley sit on the floor and brush against his right pants leg. There were a few minutes of silence and then… "So, is the book good?"

"…Yes, it is."

"How much have you read?"

Crane snapped the book closed with one hand and pinched the bridge of his nose with the other. "Miss Quinn, isn't there someone else you could talk to? Poison Ivy, perhaps?"

"Red's busy helping out with the decorating. I wanna talk to you."

"Lucky me," Crane murmured.

Harley tilted her head to the side, blond pigtails moving with the motion. "How come you don't wanna help us decorate the tree?" she asked.

"I would prefer reading." Crane positioned his hand to hold up his head by placing his index finger against the side of his head and the middle finger and thumb to be under his chin, supporting his head's weight.

"That's it?"

"That's it."

"But Nurse Amber went through a lot to get us out here. Don't ya wanna… I don't know… help?"

Crane blinked at Harley and then chuckled, letting his head roll back against the seat. "Help? 'Help' she says; oooh, Harley. The last time I 'helped' anyone, I ended up here."

Harley got to her feet and folded her arms. She stuck out her bottom lip in a mad pout. "Fine! Sit there and be a Grinch!" She stomped off towards the others.

Crane sighed with relief. "At last," he breathed and picked up his novel.

"_**Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg!" **_The Joker sang out at the top of his lungs. _**"Batmobile lost a wheel-!"**_

"_**And Joker took ballet!"**_ Katherine broke in. The Joker glared at Katherine. She simply ignored it as usual.

"It's, **'And Joker got away'. **What's that mess about me taking ballet?"

"Just making up words, Joker. Can't you take a joke?"

The Joker ground his teeth and started up another song. _**"On the first day of Christmas, a psycho gave to me; An Asylum in Gotham City!" **_

Amber quirked an eyebrow at the Joker's version of the song, but said nothing. _"Let him sing what he wants."_

"_**Six guns a blazing, Five Hand Grenades! Four plain white walls, three straightjackets, two crazy clowns, and an Asylum in Gotham City!" **_

Poison Ivy moodily looked up from wrapping ribbons around wreaths. "Joker! Please; stop singing! Show a little mercy."

"Now why would I do a thing like that?"

Meanwhile, Katherine and Katlyn were tip-toeing over to the Riddler. Katlyn held a cardboard box of decorations that Amber had assigned for them to work on. Katherine tapped Nigma's shoulder and smiled when he turned to look at them. "Yes?" he asked.

"Me and my minion have made a discovery that will bring great cheer to the two of us," Katherine informed him.

Edward eyed the looks on their faces. "So why do you both look so…devious?"

"Oh, no reason," Katlyn said in a sing-song voice.

"There must be a reason." Edward glanced at the box. "What's in the box?"

Katherine and Katlyn's eyes lit up. "We're so glad you asked! Now, Katlyn!"

Katlyn whipped out something green from the box and held it over Nigma's head; before he could respond, both girls had launched themselves at him and were kissing him on each cheek. Nigma was knocked over from his sitting position. "What are you doing?" he cried, desperately clawing the air to sit back up.

Both girls drew back from him, giant grins etched on their faces. "Fulfilling a Christmas wish," Katherine stated happily.

Nigma sat up and ran a hand through his disheveled hair. "What was that thing you pulled out of the box?"

Katlyn held it up for Nigma to see. "Mistletoe. Strong stuff."

"I'll say," Edward muttered. "Is there any more of that hanging around the asylum?"

"There were three of them."

"Where are they?" Nigma asked nervously. Sure he didn't mind being kissed by girls, but he didn't want to be unknowingly caught under the mistletoe with a man!

"Over there," Katlyn said, pointing at a door way, "and -."

"Puuuuuddiiiiiin'!" Harley sang out. "I'm under the mistletoe; ya better come and kiss me quick before somebody else does!" Harley had found the mistletoe that was located under the doorway and was grinning from ear to ear.

The Joker rolled his eyes and groaned.

"Oh, Joker," Amber sing-songed.

"What?"

"It looks like your girlfriend s attracting some attention."

The Joker lazily glanced over at Harley and instantly went rigid at what he saw. A patient was spritzing his throat with breath mint spray and eyeing Harley eagerly. _"He wouldn't dare,"_ the Joker thought. The patient took two steps towards Harley. "GAH!" the Joker choked. "Hey!" The patient stopped in his tracks and looked like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. "Get away from my woman!" the Joker shouted.

The patient ran away as the Joker marched over to Harley. He grabbed her by the forearms, spun her around, dipped her down low and locked lips with her. Harley practically melted in the Joker's arms. "Eeew." Katherine squirmed and looked away from the sight of the two clowns making out.

Amber shook her head good humoredly and went back to decorating the tree. Those two clowns had such a fickle relationship; she didn't even _want_ to try to understand it.

Nigma stared at the Joker and Harley with a perturbed expression on his face. "That is mildly disturbing." He turned his attention to Katherine and Katlyn. "Where's the third mistletoe?"

Katherine twisted her head around and pointed in the direction of the mistletoe. "It's right over ther…oh, that's interesting."

"What is?" Nigma asked, failing to see what was making the devious light shine back in Katherine's eyes.

"The last batch of mistletoe is hanging right over _there._" Katherine pointed directly at the location and Nigma couldn't help but grin when he saw who was, unknowingly, standing under the plant. "Excuse us, Mr. Riddler; but my minion and I have a diabolical plan to carry out," Katherine said as she began to walk away, leaving a confused Katlyn.

"We do?" Katlyn asked.

Katherine sighed and grabbed Katlyn by the shoulder. "Come on," she grunted.

Over at the Christmas tree, Amber was tying a red ribbon around one of the branches. The muffled sounds of giggles drew her attention. She looked down to see Katherine and Katlyn giggling at her from the foot of the ladder. "What's so funny?" Amber asked, smiling out of curiosity.

"Nurse Amber, have you ever been kissed before?" Katlyn asked, mysteriously.

Amber cocked her head to the side. "Why would you want to know a silly thing like that?"

"No reason," Katherine answered and pointed upward.

"Wha?" Amber followed the direction of their mischievous gazes. Right above her head, dangling on a long piece of red ribbon, was a small cluster of mistletoe. "What the-?" Amber began, but she didn't get far in her question.

"Nurse Amber's under the mistletoe!" Katlyn squawked.

Instantly, all heads turned in Amber's direction. It was like someone had turned on a spotlight and aimed it solely on her. "Uuuh…I better get down from here-."

"Is someone gonna kiss 'er?" Katelynn asked loudly.

"Wha-hey; hold on, no! Nobody's going to be kissing anyone!" Amber said quickly, while trying to lower her foot onto the next step without looking.

"Mistletoe, mistletoe; Amber's under the mistletoe!" Katelynn sang.

By this time, all of Amber's charges, except Crane, had made their way to where she and the three girls were standing. Amber successfully made it down the ladder and kept one hand on the bar. "Stop it, Katelynn!"

"I'm not doing anything!" whined the other Katlyn.

"Not you! Her!"

"Mistletoe! Amber's under the mistletoe! Amber's gonna be kissed!" Katelynn continued.

Amber put her free hand on her hip and smirked. "Unless it's the Invisible Man, I don't see anyone lining up to kiss me, Katelynn; so it's not going to happen."

"We'll see about that." Amber spun around to see the Joker grinning at her. "It's a tradition, sweetheart." The Joker leaned in to kiss Amber, blocking her way of escape and backing her into the ladder.

"Eep!" Amber squeaked and bumped into the ladder with so much force that it toppled over, taking her along with it. "Ah!"

The Joker's lips kissed the air and he opened an eyelid in confusion. No one was there. "Uuuh…" A clack of metal below his field of vision caught his attention. He looked down to see Amber had fallen on top of the ladder and was now trying to untangle her shoelaces from the contraption. The sight of it caused the Joker to burst out laughing.

Amber scowled at the Joker as she tugged at her shoe. "I could sue you for sexual assault!" she snapped. The Joker paid no attention to her threat and kept laughing.

"Ah-he-he-he-he-ehm," came the annoyed voice of someone clearing their throat. The Joker's laughs stopped and he turned to see Harley standing behind him, arms folded, foot tapping, and a scowl on her face. "Puddin'," she said in an overly sweet voice. "Just what _exactly_ were you doing?"

"Oh, pumpkin! I was just having some fun."

Harley stamped her foot on the floor, hands clenched in fists at her sides. "You clown Casanova!" she shouted.

The Joker instantly turned on the charm. "Honey, baby, pumkin pie; you're the only one for me," he said smoothly.

"Oh gosh, let's hope so," Katherine mumbled under her breath.

Amber grunted as she pulled her foot free from the ladder and stood up. "Freedom," she breathed. She took one step and fell face first on the floor. "Ouch!" Amber looked at her feet to see she had stepped on her darn shoelace! "Brilliant." She immediately tied her shoe and was ready to stand again when a hand was offered to her.

Amber looked up to see who the hand belonged to and saw the Riddler. "Let's not chance another mishap, shall we?" he asked. Amber placed her hand in his and let him pull her up.

Katelynn's brown eyes widened and she gasped. "They're under the mistletoe together!"

It was true; Amber, Nigma, **AND** the Joker were standing under the mistletoe. The Joker grinned. "How about a kiss on the cheek from both of us, huh?"

Both criminals closed their eyes and bent forward to plant a kiss on Amber's cheek. At the last possible second, Amber ducked down and avoided both men…they were unaware of the change. Their lips met and a loud gasp was heard from the other rogues. Nigma and the Joker opened their eyes to see what had caused the gasp and saw who they were kissing.

"**AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"** They screamed and jumped back about a mile from each other.

The Joker coughed and spit. "Harley, quick! I've been poisoned!"

Poison Ivy smirked and lifted a thin eyebrow. "Not by me," she chuckled.

The Riddler gagged and tried to wipe away the red paint from his lips that the Joker's makeup had left. "Gah! Ugh! Eew!"

Katherine and Katlyn were beside themselves. "Mr. Riddler, don't die on us!"

Amber was trying as hard as she could to keep her mouth shut and not laugh, but it was becoming more difficult by the second. Two-Face walked up to her. "Did you plan for that to happen?" he asked.

"I can assure you I did not…but man, it would have been great if I did," Amber giggled.

Two-Face grinned at her. "You know, there's more to you than meets the eye."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"You should."

Amber looked up at Two-Face and gazed at his face for a moment. Was it just her imagination, or did she and Dent just share a moment of _bonding_? Before she could figure anything else out, Dent nodded and walked away to watch the Riddler and Nigma continue to freak out.

"Caleb finds that funny," Caleb said, laughing and pointing at the Joker.

"Oh, go catch a bat," the Joker growled.

"BATS!"

From his chair, Crane lowered his novel and grinned evilly as he watched and listened to Caleb's screams. "Aaah; the sweet sounds of fear," he murmured. His brow wrinkled in confusion when he caught sight of Nigma and the Joker spitting and coughing like they had just tasted something horrible. "What on Earth is going on?" he wondered aloud.

From out of nowhere, Harley had appeared at his side. "That's what happens when you don't help decorate the tree," she sing-songed in a 'I told you so' way. Crane frowned and closed his book.

"Snoooooooooooooow!" Katelynn screamed and glued herself to the window that looked out into the asylum's recreation yard. Everyone looked to see fresh snow falling outside. Chelsea and Tommy joined Katelynn at the window, oohing and aahing at the sight.

Harley sprinted from the opposite side of the room and nearly knocked over every one at the window. "Snow! Look, Mistah J! It's snowing!"

"Whoop-de-freakin'-doo," he said in a bored tone. Now that he was sure he wouldn't die from kissing the Riddler, he was returning to his normal self.

Harley gabbed Ivy by the arm as she jumped up and down with glee. "Snow, Red, snow! We could make snow angels!"

Ivy guffawed. "Yeah, right. Look at all that snow on the ground."

"Yeah; isn't it great?"

"It's killing all the plants!"

Harley's joy went down a little, but she kept smiling. "Oh, Red; they'll come back in the spring!"

"All that ice; chilling and killing my babies…"

"Hey guys," Amber called from behind them. All turned to look at her. Amber was dressed in her white coat, gloves, and hat. She was in the process of wrapping her white scarf around her neck. "How about a little trip outside to the courtyard?" An explosion of cheers rang out from all; except for Ivy, Crane, and the Joker. "Remember, ten guards are gonna be out there with us," Amber warned.

…

The yard was nearly covered with snow. In fact, if Amber turned a certain way, she nearly blended in with the snow due to her white uniform and winter wear. Amber rubbed her hands together to get some heat circulating as she watched her charges enjoy the snow. They were easy to spot since they're winter wear matched with their bright orange patient uniforms.

Harley was trying to convince Ivy how much fun snow could be, Jervis Tetch and Tommy Tetch were building snowmen, and Katherine and Katlyn were building a …hill, a fort? Crane stood off by himself, arms wrapped around his body for warmth and merely watching everyone else. Amber made her way over to the ex-psychiatrist, her feet crunching in the snow.

"Why are you way over here by yourself?" Amber asked.

"I like it over here," Crane answered.

"You didn't want to join in decorating the Christmas tree; now you don't want to join the others in the snow?"

"I'm a fully grown man, Nurse Amber; I don't play in the snow."

Amber opened her mouth to reply but was cut off by the sound of Katherine calling her name. "Nurse Amber; heads up!" A sudden blast of cold snow exploded against the side of her head and sprayed all over Crane as well. Katherine and Katlyn cackled behind their snow hill and high-fived one another. "Direct hit!" Katherine shouted triumphantly.

"Oh no they didn't," Amber said in disbelief. She brushed the snow off and put her hands on her hips. "You stop that!"

"Fire!" Another snowball was launched into the air and hit Amber in the shoulder.

"Beautiful aim!" Katherine complimented Katlyn, who was already in the process of making more snowballs.

Amber flicked the snow off her shoulder and tugged at her scarf. "Oh, they picked the wrong girl to mess with."

"What are you going to do?" Crane asked, watching Amber bend over and gather snow in her hands.

Amber patted the snow into a ball. "I'm going to forget for the moment that I am a responsible young adult with a job who was taught to deal with things logically." Amber reared back her arm. "Eat ice!" she yelled, and threw the snowball at Katherine and Katlyn.

"Captain! Snow ball coming in!" Katlyn warned. But it was too late; the snowball hit Katherine full in the face. Katherine was knocked off balance and fell onto the snowy ground. Katlyn wiped away the snow and grasped her by the shoulders. "Katherine, speak to me! Say anything!"

"Retaliate!" Katherine shouted.

By now the other charges were making their own little snow dunes and snowballs. The Riddler chuckled evilly as he tossed his snowball into the air and caught it. "Hey, Joker!" he called. The Joker turned to look at him. "Riddle me this; what seems like a solid and breaks on contact?" Before the Joker could answer, a ball of snow collided with his face. "A snow ball!" the Riddler cried, gleefully.

Snowballs flew left and right as everyone joined in the battle. Amber ran towards a mound of snow and slid behind it like a baseball player. A snowball was in her hand as she slowly looked over the edge of the mound. The Mad Hatter's top hat was visible behind his own make-shift sanctuary. Amber aimed and threw the snowball, knocking his hat off his head. Jervis uttered a cry of surprise and dived for his hat.

Two-Face sat behind his shield, a snowball in one hand and his coin in the other. He flipped the coin and looked at its results. "Oh come on! I gotta throw a snowball at some point!" He tossed the coin again. "No! Grr!" He flipped the coin once again and gave a cheer. "Yes!" He leapt to his feet, arm in position, snow ball ready, and immediately had five snowballs fired at him. They pounded against his body and he dropped behind his shield. He held up his coin and glared at it. "Thanks a lot, traitor!" he scolded.

Harley and Ivy were huddled together behind a small brick wall that served as a miniature garden during the spring and summer. Harley held two snowballs in her hand which she quickly sent flying across the yard towards Katherine and Katlyn. "See, Red; this is fun!" she squealed.

"How can this possibly be fun?" Ivy snapped. "What's fun about having freezing ice particles thrown at you?" Harley stared blankly at her friend as she continued her tirade against snow. When Ivy was done, she gave a huff and folded her arms. "Fun in the snow, indeed," she grumbled.

Harley simply lifted her snowball and brought it down on top of Ivy's head. "Hey! Harley! You just got in deep!" Ivy yelled and began to create a snowball of her own to throw at Harley.

Harley grinned as she ran from the wall. "That's the spirit, Red!"

Amber ducked and avoided being hit by snowballs from Two-Face and Chelsea. She hid behind a tree and waited a moment before dashing towards another hill. Once behind her hill, she began to make several snowballs and peeked out to make sure no other snowballs were coming her way. "Area is clear," she said to herself.

"Or is it, sweetheart?"

Without even hesitating, Amber spun around on her knees and threw a snowball in the direction of the voice. Snow splattered against the Joker and his aim was thrown off as he released his own snowball at Amber. It hit the mound and missed Amber by a foot.

"Ha!" Amber cried triumphantly. She wasted no more time in gloating and ran from the Joker.

"Nurse Amber," a guard called. Amber stopped in the middle of the yard and was hit by thirteen snowballs from all directions. She looked up at the guard who had called her. "Time's up. They have to come in," he announced. Groans were heard from the patients as they sluggishly moved towards the asylum.

Harley paused next to Amber on her way to the door. "Do you think we could do that again?" she asked, excitedly.

Amber thought a moment and smiled. "We'll see."

Harley squealed with delight and skipped away to join the others. Amber shook snow out of her hair and stepped inside the building. "Maybe we will," she whispered to herself.

"_**I saw Joker kissin' the Riddler, underneath the mistletoe last night!"**_ sang Two-Face.

"Shut up or die!" the Joker threatened.

Amber closed the doors and sighed. "Merry Christmas, Arkham Asylum."

**(Hey, you readers! I'd really like to hear what you think; so leave a review! I'd also like to hear if you have any suggestions for this story! So leave a review! … I feel like I'm forgetting something… Oh yeah; leave a review! )**


	8. My Funny Valentine

**(Hello dear readers! Every time I post another chapter to this story I get more and more reviews and favorites and alerts! I love it! It makes me feel all toasty inside! I know that this is pretty early for a Valentine's Day chapter, but considering my busy schedule and the fact that it's a two-parter for the holiday, I thought it would be best to post this part now so I can post the second in time. Enjoy!)**

Chapter Eight

My Funny Valentine

Valentine's Day was coming and the asylum's patients were required to make a Valentine's Day card for their fellow inmates. But Katherine was not very happy about that rule.

"I'm not gonna do it! I'll make one for my brother, I'll make one for Chelsea; heck I'll even make one for Harley Quinn, but I **will not** make one for **him**!"

Amber sighed and let her eyes scan over the materials scattered all over the tables that she and Gatsby had set up in a smaller recreation room. Scraps of construction paper, bottles of glue, child proof safety scissors, and glitter were nowhere near the places that they had been set in the beginning. "Let me guess who this **him **is; the Joker?"

"Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner!" Katherine sang out.

They were interrupted by Katelynn as she threw some glitter into the air and it glided down onto her. She let out a high-pitched squeal. "Oooh! I sparkle just like Edward!" she cried happily.

This remark caused several pairs of eyes to look at Edward Nigma. "I don't sparkle!" he insisted.

"Not that Edward; Edward Cullen!" Katelynn said. The eyes looked away.

Amber focused back on Katherine. "You have to write _everyone_ a valentine. That includes the Joker," she told her.

Katherine stuck out her bottom lip. "But I can't do it!"

"Just write down, 'Happy Valentine's day from Katherine.'"

"Nurse Amber, I can't do it!"

"What do you mean you can't do it?"

"I'll pick up the pen and try to write 'Happy Valentine's Day' but that won't be what comes from that pen. Instead, it might be something like; 'I hope you have a miserable Valentine's Day and that you never find the one who makes you feel whole and that your future be full of dark days and cold lonely nights. With all the hatred in my heart, Katherine.'"

"…Oh. Well, surely there are other patients that you like enough to write a card to? Who else?"

"Let's see… I don't like Joker, I don't like Harley, I don't like Chelsea cause she likes the Joker, I don't like Katelynn-."

"But you two are best friends."

"The other Katelynn."

"Oh." _"I really need to find a way to label those two."_

"I don't like Jervis as a criminal, but I love him as a person; I'm okay with Ivy, but I don't like her cause I don't understand why she'd rather be with plants than with a guy. And up until two months ago, I liked Dent, but then he kept teasing Mr. Riddler about his mistletoe mishap with the Joker and now I don't like him. I like Crane because he's pretty, but I hate him when he sets my brother off on a screaming rampage."

"Is there anyone you **do **like?"

"Mr. Riddler, Katlyn, and Tommy."

Amber sighed and rubbed her eyes. "Just make some cards, okay?" She stared across the room at the rest of her charges. Everyone was working on their cards without much of a fuss… except… Amber saw Crane looking at Caleb. His mouth moved to form the dreaded word that would set Caleb off. He only got as far as the 'B'. "Crane!"

Crane's head shot up to face the voice that had called him so sharply. Amber narrowed her eyes at him while tapping her finger on the table. Crane hung his head in what could pass as shame if Amber didn't know that he really felt none for giving Caleb panic attacks. He went back to working on his project.

Amber stood up from the chair and began to make her rounds. Though some of her charges were adults, she still had to watch them and make sure they didn't misbehave… or have a major break down. As she passed the Joker, she glared when she saw him eyeing the child proof scissors with a devious smile on his face. She cleared her throat to get his attention. He looked up from the scissors like a child caught in the act of sneaking cookies before dinner.

"How are you're cards coming along, Joker?" Amber asked, pointedly.

The Joker licked his lips and grinned. "Just great," he replied. They stared at each other until Amber sat in the chair opposite of him and gave a forced smile.

"Please, continue," she said, motioning towards his cards.

The Joker's smile slowly melted off his face when he realized Amber was not going anywhere; she was going to baby-sit him! His expression slowly turned into a pout with a bit of anger in it. He wanted to slash that smug look off her face. He tightened his grip on the scissors and restrained himself from lashing out. He had to remind himself that Amber was the only nurse who was less strict. If he killed her; no more play time. "_Ugh! Curse you, Amber Johnson. Curse you." _And the doctors said he had no self-control? Phft!

The Joker forced a smile on his face and resumed cutting shapes. Amber's smug look toned down a bit and she glanced around to check on the others. She looked back at the Joker to find him staring at her in an unnerving way. He continued to cut the paper, his eyes on her, with surprising accuracy. After a few more seconds of this, Amber couldn't take it anymore. "Stop it!" The outburst caused a few of her charges to flinch.

The Joker licked his lips and grinned. "Aaaw. I thought pretty girls liked to be looked at," he said smoothly.

Amber folded her arms over her chest and leaned back in the seat. "Not when you're the one looking."

"Oooh! You just struck out!" Katherine teased.

"She's a tough one! She doesn't count!" the Joker objected, pointing at Amber. "She's different from other women!" He looked at Amber and cocked his head to the side. "You're not a lesbian, are you?" he asked, suspiciously.

Amber's jaw dropped. "Of course not!"

"Then why are you not blushing or giggling when I flirt with you?"

"Because I'm not Katelynn, Harley, or Chelsea." At the mention of Chelsea, a tiny giggle was heard near the Joker's feet. They both looked down to see Chelsea with her arms latched around his legs.

"It's a good thing you're not," the Joker said as he pried the girl off.

"You attract the insane, Mr. Joker, and I am not insane."

The Joker leaned forward with his hands clasped behind his back. "Well, you must be if you're still working here," he said with a grin.

Amber held up two fingers. "Two words; Fat. Paycheck."

"… Touché."

"I rest my case."

"Oh, really? Well then, while we're on the subject of cases… get off mine!"

Amber stood her ground and cocked her head to the side. "I believe, Mr. Joker, that if you're done with your cards, you should go to your cell and remain there till I think it necessary to bring you back out," she said calmly.

Crane lifted an eyebrow at her, slightly impressed. The girl had lasted in Arkham much longer than he anticipated and at the moment, she had made the Joker's remark back fire. That caused Crane to smirk at the clown. The Joker noticed and stuck out his tongue. Amber turned to see who he was making faces at and Crane slapped on a pitiful look; the innocent victim to the Joker's taunts.

Amber glared at the Joker. "Go to your cell," she ordered.

"Sir, yes, sir," the Joker muttered and turned to leave.

"Wait; you need an escort with you," Amber reminded him.

"Are you offering?" he teased. Amber frowned and he laughed. She was so much fun to mess with! "I'll, uh, take my leave," he announced with an exaggerated bow. The Joker turned on his heel and left the room. The sounds of shouting voices could be heard outside the door.

"It's the Joker!"

"He's escaping!"

"Get a tazor on him, now!"

"What? No! Not again! I'm not escaping! I repeat; I'm _**not**_ escaping!"

"Lower your weapon!"

"I don't have a weapon, you idiot!"

"He's turning aggressive! Tazor him!"

"Gyeeehaaaaaah!" The slight crackling of electricity was heard and the sound of a body collapsing followed. All the while, Amber had carried on as if she heard nothing. "I told him he needed an escort," she sing-songed.

"Ha ha ha ha! The clown got fried!" Katherine cried happily.

"Poor Puddin'," Harley whimpered.

"Burnt Puddin'! Ha ha ha ha ha ha h- ouch!"

Harley ignored the fact that her elbow had hit Katherine's head as she went to grab some paper. "Hey! Blondie! Don't hit my friend!" Katlyn yelled and pulled on one of Harley's pigtails.

"Ouch!" Harley yelped.

"Katlyn!" Amber snapped. Both Katlyn and Katelynn looked at Amber. Ugh! Why did she have to have two charges with the same name? Okay, how would she handle this?... "You," she pointed at Katlyn, "You're Katlyn 1; and you," she pointed at the other, "you're Katelynn 2. Got it?"

"How come she's number one?"

"Because I'm better!"

Amber rolled her eyes. "No! It's because she's been here longer and her name only has one 'N' and yours has two 'N's. Got it?" she explained with exasperation in her voice. She turned to see that Katherine had seemingly produced a spare t-shirt out of thin air and was putting the finishing touches on its design. She slipped it on and spun around to reveal her hand made 'Team Edward' shirt, surrounded by green question marks.

"What do you think?" Katherine asked proudly.

Katelynn 2 tilted her head to the side and blinked. "I'm thinking _Twilight_," she answered.

Katherine let out a terrified hiss and shrank back. "Why would you say such an evil thing?"

Katelynn 2 shrugged. "I like _Twilight_."

Katherine and Katlyn 1 clung to each other. "Shun her; shun her!" they cried.

"I like the _Twilight _series too," Tommy said just barely loud enough for all to hear. All heads turned in his direction and his face grew red.

Katherine opened and closed her mouth a few times before she finally spoke. "Nooo, Tommy! Nooo, not you!" she sputtered.

"Well, if we're gonna give our opinions; I like them also," Harley said.

Katherine scoffed. "Of course _you_ would."

Suddenly the room was filled with voices of people condemning or defending the _Twilight_ series. Amber went to the far corner of the room and silently banged her head against the wall.

…

The Joker hadn't gotten tazed. He had cleverly managed to grab a tazor gun and shoot it at one of the guards instead. He had finally shaken off the guards off his tail and heading towards his cell for a nice nap; might as well make the best of his punishment, but what he saw next made him stop cold. He looked at the walls of his cell and his brown eyes widened. "KATHERINE! KATLYN!" the Joker bellowed.

He stumbled out of the room and backed up against the wall beside his door. It was too horrible! Too wicked! Too evil!

….

Katherine and both Katlyn 1 and Katelynn 2 heard the Joker from the recreation room and sneaked out. Amber noticed and almost ran out after them, but remembered that she had a whole room full of charges to look after. Amber reported that she had three patients on the loose through her walkie-talkie and waited for them to be brought back.

…...

Katherine, Katlyn 1, and Katelynn 2 appeared and cocked their heads to the side at the sight of the Joker's terror stricken face. "You okay, Mr. Jay?" Katherine asked.

"What. Did. You. Do?" the Joker hissed, breathlessly.

"What are you talking about?" Katlyn 1 asked.

The Joker glared at her. "You know very well what I'm talking about, you little ankle biter!"

"I do not! It could very well be the other Katelynn!" Katlyn 1 insisted.

"That one loves me too much to do what has been done!"

Katelynn 2 had no idea what was going on. "What's been done?" she asked.

"My room! It wasn't like that when I left for breakfast this morning! What happened!"

Katherine, Katlyn 1, and Katelynn 2 peeked into the room. Katherine grinned when she saw the pink paint had dried beautifully on the Joker's walls. She and her minion had done well. Katherine wiped the grin off her face when she looked back at the Joker. "It appears that the walls have been painted pink," she stated simply.

"I know that!" the Joker snapped.

Katherine rolled her eyes. "Then why ask such an obvious question?" she scoffed.

The Joker's hand clamped around her throat and pulled her nearly nose to nose with him. "Listen, you little squirt; I know you and your loyal Munchkin of a Minion were involved behind this stunt! Now, you think this is funny? Hm? _I'm _not laughing! You better start talking fast or I'm gonna-! Why are you laughing?" he yelled, furiously.

Katherine had dissolved into a fit of laughter. She wiped a tear from her eye. "Did you know your nose twitches when you get angry?" She threw back her head and howled with laughter.

The Joker growled and suddenly yelped when a sharp pain flared up at his knee. He looked down to see Katlyn 1 frowning angrily at him. "Drop her!" she ordered.

The Joker smirked. "Very poor choice of words," he said and released Katherine. She dropped with a loud plop and groaned in pain.

"You jerk!" Katherine whined.

The Joker crouched down to be eye level with Katherine. "Brush it off, squirt; be glad I didn't do worse." He grinned and gave her cheek a pat before turning to walk away. "When I get back, that room better be pink free!" he yelled over his shoulder.

When he was gone, Katelynn 2 placed her hands on her hips and frowned at the two mischievous girls. "You heard him! Get started!" she ordered.

Katherine and Katlyn 1 looked at each other. "Get her?" Katlyn 1 asked.

"Sic 'em!" Katherine told her.

Katlyn 1 let out a battle cry and launched herself at Katelynn 2. "AH!" A cloud of dust surrounded them as the three wrestled each other.

"Hey; you three! You're supposed to be in the art room!" a guard, who had been sent to search for them, yelled. Three heads shot up and looked at him in surprise. Apparently, Nurse Amber had lost no time in alerting security about their absence.

The guard walked over to them and stopped in his tracks when he caught sight of the pink walls in the Joker's cell. He rubbed his eyes to see if they were playing tricks on him, but the color remained. The two responsible for the sabotage snickered mischievously. "I always suspected this!" Katherine said. "I mean, come on; the guy _skips_."

Katelynn 2 glared at Katherine and tackled her to the floor. "Don't you dare start spreading rumors that he's gay!"

The guard ran over and pulled them apart. "Alright, that's enough! That's enough! You three better start marching back to the art room or so help me, I will call Mr. Bolton down here to put a stop to this!" All three girls became dead silent and stared at him with pleading eyes. "Good; now march!" He led them back to the art room and saluted Amber before leaving.

"There's one good thing about us getting caught," Katherine whispered to Katlyn 1. "We didn't have to clean up the Joker's room."

"Where did he go anyway?"

Nurse Amber overheard their conversation and whirled around to face them. "The Joker wasn't in his cell?" she asked anxiously. All the girls shook their heads. "Where is he?"

"Don't know, don't care," Katherine answered.

"Crap." Amber switched on her walkie-talkie. "We have a Code Purple; repeat: Code Purple!"

…

The Joker snuck by a pair of guards who were patrolling the west hallway he was currently occupying. All he had to do was get to the employees' bathroom and crawl out the window and then… he'd think about it when he got to that point. He peeked through the small opening he made with the door and saw no one in the bathroom. The Joker slipped inside and tip-toed across the floor to the window.

Despite his height, the Joker couldn't reach the window without something to stand on, so he pushed the trash can over and flipped it upside down so he could stand on it. Once he stood on top and started to ease the window open, he heard the sound of a toilet flush. _"Oh, that's just great,"_ he thought.

The Joker tried to hurry, but the window was hard to open and slowly lifted with the pace of a sloth. "Come on, come on, come on," he whispered. It suddenly flew open, jerking his arms upwards. He grinned and started to wiggle his way through. At that moment, the stall door opened and Lyle Bolton stepped out. The Joker craned his neck to look over his shoulder and their eyes locked. For a brief moment, both of them froze, and then sprang back into action.

Bolton grabbed the Joker by his ankles and started pulling him back inside while the Joker had planted his hands on the outside window pane, struggling to push himself away from the head security guard. The Joker let out a sound of disgust. "You didn't even wash your hands! Let go of me!" Since Bolton had both hands around the Joker's ankles, he couldn't reach for his walkie-talkie to call for back up. "You'll never take me alive!" the Joker screamed.

"That can be arranged," Bolton grunted and jerked hard.

"Ouch! Let go; I bruise easily!"

"Shut up and get back in here!"

"You must be out of your mind!"

"Let go of the window, clown!"

"NEVER!"

Bolton was actually quite impressed that the Joker was able to last this long considering he was as skinny as a twig compared to Bolton. The Head of Security gave one last pull and the Joker flew back into the room; knocking Bolton down in the process. He clamped a hand around the Joker's thin arm and jerked him to his feet. "It's solitary confinement for you, bub!" he growled.

The Joker scoffed with indignation. "All I did was try to escape. I didn't kill anyone in the process this time."

"We'll take this up with your supervisor, Nurse Johnson."

"Oh, no! No!" the Joker cried with mock horror. "Not Nurse Amber!"

"Shut it! And that's Nurse _Johnson_, you ill-mannered sack of trash!" Bolton jerked on the Joker's arm, nearly pulling it out of socket, and dragged him out of the bathroom and down the hall.

…

"The Boss is back!" Tommy sang and flew across the room to the Joker. He was joined by Chelsea, Harley, and Katelynn 2. The three girls wrapped their arms around him and squeezed tight.

"I. Can't. Breathe!" he wheezed. They released him, reluctantly.

Harley glared at the Joker and slapped him. "How dare you try to escape without me… again!" she yelled.

The Joker gave her his most charming grin and slid up behind Harley. He placed his hands on her shoulders and began to massage them. "But Haaarley, I was gonna come back for you."

Harley beamed and threw herself into his arms. "Oh, Puddin'! How could I have ever doubted ya?"

Katherine gave a soft scoff. "Sap."

Amber rubbed her eyes with her thumb and index finger while sighing, heavily. "Does everyone have their cards finished?" she asked. Everyone but the Joker, Crane, Two-Face, and Tommy raised their hands. "Alright; those of you who are done can pile your cards on the table and wait for the orderlies to take you to the Music Room. I'll stay with the others until you're finished."

When the majority of the group was gone, Amber stood and watched the men as they worked. She noticed Two-Face Dent seemed to be having some difficulty. He glanced back and forth at the card and his coin. Amber walked over and smiled, gently. "Having some trouble, Mr. Dent?" she asked.

"I can't decide if I want the heart with laces on the front of the card or the fluffy kitty!" he shouted hopelessly.

"Well… who's the card for?"

Harvey shook his head. "I'm not telling."

"Well, how can I help you out if you won't tell me?"

"Just… don't! I have my coin."

Amber's temper got the best of her. "Your _coin_ happens to be an inanimate object, devoid of thought, with no ability to make decisions for anyone; _but_ _if_ said coin had a life, it would be a man since it has the image of a man's head, and still incapable of helping you make this decision because men have no idea what a woman likes! So tell me who the freakin' card is for!"

Everyone was silent as they stared at Amber in surprise. Crane slowly leaned over to whisper at Dent. "If you value your life, I suggest you tell her."

Harvey hung his head low and mumbled incomprehensively. "Who?" Amber asked, straining her ears.

"Pamela…Isely."

"Who's that?" Tommy asked.

"Poison Ivy! Where have you been?" the Joker yelled at Tommy. Tommy hung his head low, making Amber feel sorry for him.

Crane scoffed. "I knew it; I knew it! I knew it all along! I knew it the moment you tried to explain that you tripped over your shoelaces after looking at her and fell flat on your face!" he cried.

"So? What's that got to do with anything?" Dent asked sulkily.

"Our shoes have no laces!"

Dent turned red in the face from embarrassment. "Oh," he muttered.

The Joker keeled over from his chair and fell on his back, laughing. "HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" he wrapped both arms around is stomach and kicked his legs in the air.

Amber rolled her eyes. "Okay, Joker; sit in your chair, now," she told him in an even tone.

"HA HA HA HA HEE HEE HEE HA HA HA HEE AH HA!" the Joker continued loudly.

"Joker… "

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA- !"

"Joker…"

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA- !"

"Joker !"

"HA HA HA HA- !"Amber grabbed him by the ear and hauled the Joker to his chair. "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!" he yelped.

"Oh shut it; you're supposed to be a masochist!"

"I can choose when I want to be one!" the Joker retorted and plopped into his char.

"Finish your cards!"

"Okeydokey, Amber," the clown said with a sly grin.

Amber's face was a dead pan expression as she said, "If I had a paint bucket, it would be on your head by now."

The Joker snorted, licked his lips, and went back to work on his cards project. All he had to do was write some words, but what would he write? He touched the corner of his mouth with his tongue and glanced around. Crane's card was nearby and open. The Joker picked up a purple coloring pencil and pretended to be in deep thought while casting his eyes at the words. He soon began to copy them to his own card.

Crane placed his next finished card on top of the one the Joker was copying, and started working on another. The Joker blinked at the card that blocked his view and used the tip of his coloring pencil to slowly nudge it aside to uncover the words. Crane noticed movement out of the corner of his eye and turned to look. The Joker froze with his hand still extended towards the card. Their eyes locked and both were silent.

"Are you… _copying_ my Valentine card?" Crane asked, incredulously.

"I most certainly am not!" The Joker retorted with indignation. Crane snatched up the clown's card. "Hey! Give that back!" He reached out to grab it but Crane's long arms kept it out of his grasp.

Crane's blue eyes scanned over the words and a frown appeared on his face. "You are too copying me!"

"So what?" The Joker finally managed to grab the card back and huddled over it so Crane wouldn't be able to swipe it again.

"Copy cat!"

"Potato Head!"

Amber pushed her way in the middle. "That is enough!" She pointed at Crane. "Crane, stop calling the Joker names." She turned to the Joker. "Joker, stop copying Crane's card. And all of you, for goodness sakes, Finish. Your. Cards!"

All four men immediately ceased all mischief and began to work on their cards. Tommy leaned over to the Joker. "I think you'll do good on whatever you write, Boss," he whispered. The Joker rolled his eyes and pushed him off his chair.

"Joker!"

**(I'll be posting a chapter on Valentine's Day, so be on the lookout for that! I'm constantly surprised at how many people are following this story. Feel free to make some suggestions and throw some ideas at me. Let me know what ya think about this chapter or the whole story in general and where you think it's going. Please leave a review! ;)**


	9. Love Knocked Me Off My Feet

**(Here it is! The Valentine's Day Special! Yea! … I feel like a TV announcer… 0.o … *shrugs* Oh, well. Things are gonna start getting very interesting in this chapter; mystery, drama, mischief, oh my!  
>Joker: "Knock it off, Dorothy."<br>Me: "Whatever you say, Toto."  
>Joker: -_-<br>Me: "Any who, enjoy this chapter!"  
>Joker: "Toto?"<br>Me: "Oh, get over it!"**

Chapter Nine

Love Knocked Me Off My Feet

The next day, during lunch, the patients of Arkham were passing out their Valentine's Day cards. Even the staff was giving each other gifts. Amber stood off to the side, keeping a watchful eye over her charges.

"Oh, Puddin'; I love it!" Harley squealed childishly after reading a card the Joker gave her.

"What does it say, Harl?" Ivy asked.

Harley opened the card and cleared her throat to read aloud. The Joker suddenly clamped a hand over her mouth. "No, Harley!"

"But, Puddiiiin'," Harley whined once the Joker removed his hand from her mouth.

"No! Stuff like that should only be shared between the two of us; not the whole asylum."

"Aaaw, Mr. J, we didn't realize you were sensitive," Chelsea giggled.

Of course he wasn't; but let them think what they will. The Joker was not going to let anyone else know what was on the card. He had only written it cause he had to, but still, it was embarrassing.

Ivy leaned over towards Harley and whispered, "Wait till he's gone, then tell me what he wrote." Harley gave her an overly exaggerated wink in agreement; earning a smile from Ivy.

Katherine opened up a card addressed to her and began reading the sweetest poem she'd ever read in her life. She normally hated poems, all that rhyming and symbolism, and rhyming, and mushy stuff, and rhyming, especially the rhyming; but this one was sweet. She looked down at the bottom of the card to see who had written it. She had no doubt it was the Riddler, but she might as well see how nicely he wrote his name and … Katherine blinked and double checked the name. Then screamed.

Katlyn 1 came rushing to her friend's rescue. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"The Joker! It's from the Joker!" Katherine wailed.

"What is?"

"This card! He's just doing this to make me feel bad!"

"Is it working?"

Both girls looked over at the Joker to see him leaning back in his seat; feet propped up on the table, back against the wall, hands behind his head, and a smug smile on his face. He waved at them. Katherine's shoulders slumped as she faced Katlyn 1. "A little bit," she admitted.

"Whoa; that must be a really good poem. Can I-?" Katherine shoved the card in her friend's hands before she could finish the sentence. Katlyn 1 read it and then smiled. "Aaaw! That's so cute!"

Katherine's eyes glared at her from the side. "Who's side are you on?" she demanded.

"I'm just saying-."

"Be quiet."

"Okay."

The two girls looked back at the trouble making clown. His attention was focused on something else. Katherine followed his gaze to see he and Amber seemed to be having a staring contest. A few seconds passed and an idea came into Katherine's head. "Light bulb!" She bent down to whisper her plan to Katlyn 1. When she was done explaining, the two smiled mischievously.

…

Joan stood next to Amber and held out an open chocolate box she had received as a Valentine. "Want one?" she asked. Amber picked out a sweet and popped it into her mouth.

"So, what did you get?" a red-headed nurse asked the two of them.

"Chocolates, a Hershey kisses rose, a couple of cards, and a new pen set," Joan answered.

"And what about you?" the nurse asked Amber.

"Huh? Oh, I uh, I haven't gotten anything yet," Amber answered absent-mindedly. She was too busy trying to figure out why Katherine and Katlyn 1 were smiling so evilly. _"What are those two up to?" _

The red-headed nurse's face suddenly became sad. "Oooh dear; I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to depress you on the most romantic day of the year by reminding you that you have no one!" she said a little too loudly.

Amber quirked an eyebrow at her. "Um, no, I never said I was depressed or single-," she began.

The nurse's face lit up. "Ooh! So you_ do_ have a boyfriend; how nice!"

"Uh, no. I don't-."

"Oh, dear; I'm sorry, you poor, poor, poor, lonely, romance deprived, thing."

"I'm sorry, but I don't think I even welcomed you to discuss the topic of my date life or even suggested that I wanted your opinion," Amber said, coolly.

The nurse blinked in surprise at Amber. Then she turned up her nose. "Well, I can see why you're still single," she humphed and stormed off.

"Is she in any way related to Gatsby?" Amber asked Joan. Joan burst out laughing and handed Amber another chocolate.

…

Katherine and Katlyn 1 had gotten the Joker away from Harley. They were smiling too broadly for his liking. After all, _he _was supposed to be the one whose smiles made people uncomfortable. He finally found out the reason for their smiles when Katlyn 1 blurted out, "You and Nurse Amber would make such an adorable couple!"

"_**DO WHAT?" **_the Joker choked.

"Nice going, Katlyn. We were supposed to _ease_ him into the idea," Katherine scolded.

"That's about as gently as it goes for me," Katlyn 1 responded and turned her attention back to the Joker.

"What makes you think that we'd make a good couple?"

"Think about it! You're always arguing with each other; so it's only natural that it's because you like each other a lot!" Katherine explained.

"You and Harley argue," the Joker pointed out.

Katherine waved away the remark. "That's different. What counts is that you two were _made _for each other!"

"I thought _I _was the one with the sick mind?" the Joker muttered under his breath.

"Hey; I heard that!"

"I hope so!" The Joker looked over to see Harley skipping merrily to him. The Joker glared at Katherine and Katlyn 1. "Not one word of this to her or anyone else. Is that clear?"

"But-!"

"Not one word! If Harley hears this, she'll try to keep me in sight 24/7 and still think I'm sneaking around!"

Harley slipped her arms around the Joker's waist. "Hi, Puddin'! Happy Valentine's Day!" she squealed.

"You already said that to me."

"I wanted to say it again!"

"…Greaaaaat."

Meanwhile, Katherine and Katlyn 1 had slinked off to wish their Riddler a happy Valentine's Day… and to tell him about their diabolical plan. A scheming smile spread across his face as he glanced back at Nurse Amber and the Joker. "What an interesting thought," Nigma mused.

"So you'll help us?" Katherine asked, slightly bouncing on her toes.

The Riddler chuckled and twirled the fork he was using to eat a piece of cake. "No," he answered, simply.

The two girls' excited faces immediately changed to disappointment. "Why not?" they whined at the same time.

"Because I'm already in for it with that clown; I can only imagine what terrors he'd have in store for me if he found out I was involved in your little scheme of match making."

"But you're sooo smart! We need your amazing intelligence to ad us in our diabolical plan!" Katherine said, desperately.

The Riddler sighed and ran a hand through his red hair. "Weeell…" Hey, he was a sucker to flattery.

Both girls fell flat on their stomachs and grabbed his legs. "Please!" they begged.

"No!" Nigma covered his eyes with his hands to block out the sight.

"Mister _Nigmaaa."_

Nigma made the mistake of peeking out from between his fingers. He saw them both wearing pitiful looks on their faces. Nigma heaved a heavy sigh, hands falling away from his face. "Oh alright," he groaned.

The girls squeezed his legs tightly. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Nigma couldn't help but smile. Hey, like I said, he was a sucker.

….

Across the room, Dent was trying to work up the courage to give Poison Ivy his card. It was proving to be more difficult than he thought. Harvey dug out his coin and glanced around to make sure no one was looking. Heads; he'd give the card to Ivy. Scratched Out Head; he'd just walk away. Dent flipped the coin. Heads. _"Curses!" _ he thought.

Slowly, very slowly, Harvey took one-side step at a time towards Ivy; these movements made him resemble a sand crab. He finally made it to Ivy and stood beside her for two whole minutes without saying a word. "Hello, Ivy," he finally squeaked.

Ivy turned her head and lifted a well-defined eyebrow at Dent. "Good lord, did he just squeak?" she wondered.

Dent cleared his throat and was glad that Ivy was facing the good side of his face. He avoided looking at her and blindly stuck out his arm to give her the card. Instead, his fist collided with Ivy's face! Ivy fell backwards, head dizzy from the impact, and collapsed on the floor. Dent still had his arm extended, oblivious to what he'd done. "Here, Ivy; I made this for you. Happy Valentine's Day."

Only when he didn't have the card taken from his hand for a minute did he finally give a sideways glance where Ivy had been standing. She wasn't in sight! Was his bad eye playing tricks on him?

"Uh… Ivy?"

A groan came from the floor. He looked down and saw Ivy's unconscious form. Dent's eyes widened and his hands flew up to his mouth as he gasped. "Oh my goodness! She was so embarrassed by me giving her a card that she fainted!" he cried. He went down on his knees and began fanning her with the card.

Crane strolled over after hearing Dent's outburst and shook his head in a hopeless manner. "No, Mr. Dent. You knocked her out cold; she didn't faint," he explained.

Dent gasped again and looked at his hands. "You're conspiring against me!" he hissed at them. The hands said nothing to defend themselves.

Crane sighed and rolled his eyes. "You need help."

Dent scoffed. "Oh like you can talk, Mr. _Ex-_Psychiatrist."

Crane frowned and kneeled down beside Ivy. He lifted her up into a sitting position and leaned her against the wall. "Miss Isley? Can you hear me?" he asked. Ivy's head limply slumped forward.

Dent let out a wail. "Oh no; I've killed her!"

"Oh calm yourself, you imbecile. She's merely unconscious. I'll get the nurse; you stay and try to be some form of useful." Crane left the two rogues alone.

Dent glanced nervously at Ivy. She probably wasn't going to be happy with him when she woke up, let alone, want to accept a Valentine from him. Dent sighed and face-palmed himself. "Idiot," he muttered.

Crane was back with Nurse Amber in no time and stood back to observe how she handled the situation. "You really knock the girls off their feet, don't you, Harvey?" she joked. Dent gave her a half smile.

Soon Ivy's eyelids fluttered open and she slowly sat up. "What happened? All I remember is…" Her eyes narrowed when she caught sight of Harvey. "Dent!"

Harvey scratched the back of his neck and chuckled nervously. "Hi, Ivy." He glanced down at the card in his hand, unsure of what to do. "Here," he said in a shaky voice and set it down on the floor within reaching distance. He scampered away, leaving Ivy with Crane and Amber.

Amber put a hand on Ivy's shoulder. "Are you okay?" she asked.

Ivy had been in the middle of rubbing her head but stopped when she felt Amber's hand. She gazed at the contact for a brief second before looking away. "Yes, I'm fine," she muttered.

"Good." Amber smiled and stood up to see if she was needed elsewhere. Ivy and Crane watched as she walked away. None of the Arkham staff really touched the rogues… but Amber had.

The Joker was teasing Harvey. He gave him a slap on the back. "I never knew you had it in you! I've wanted to knock Ivy out for so long! Ha ha ha ha ha!" he cackled.

"I didn't mean to!"

"Of course you did! You just don't know it!"

"Joker, stop trying to manipulate Dent," Amber said as she passed by. She turned to look back at Harvey. "By the way, Dent, Ivy's looking at your card," she added with a smile.

Dent spun around to see Ivy reading the words inside. When he had been making the card, both sides of him wanted to write something down; so the entire inside of the card had words written on them. Ivy's green eyes looked up from the card and fell on Dent. The slightest hint of a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. Dent practically sailed into the air! "She likes it!"

The Joker put a hand on Dent's shoulder to keep him anchored to the Earth. "Whoa, boy! Heel!" he ordered. Dent calmed down just a bit.

….

Amber felt a tap on her shoulder and turned to see an orderly holding a red sheet of construction paper with lots or intricate designs on it. "This is for you from someone who wishes to be nameless," he explained and placed it in her hands. The orderly walked away, leaving Amber with a perplexed expression on her face. She looked down at the card and opened it up.

Two-Face nudged the Joker with his elbow and jerked his head in Amber's direction. "Hey, lookie-there," he said. The Joker cocked his head to the side when he saw what it was Dent wanted him to see.

The Riddler furrowed his brow and looked at Katlyn 1 and Katherine. "Did you?" he mouthed.

"No," they mouthed back.

Okay; so apparently his little followers hadn't put their match making plan into action. They looked just as curious as the rest of Amber's charges.

Crane adjusted his glasses, observing the smile that Amber gave while reading the words in the card. "Hm…," he said, thoughtfully.

Of course, the Joker was the first to ask. "What'cha got there, sweetheart?"

Amber nearly jumped out of her skin at the sudden appearance of the Joker as he leaned over her shoulder to read the card. Amber whisked it out of sight and glared at the Joker. "Nosey!" she said, annoyed.

The Joker chuckled and tried to reach for the card. "Come on; lets' see what it says, hm?" he insisted.

Amber held it away from his reach, a hand on her hip as she said, "No."

The Joker cocked an eyebrow. "Listen, Amber-."

"_Nurse _Amber!"

"**Nurse **Amber! I'm not used to people telling me no. Well, actually I am, but then I get them to change their answer pretty quickly. You get what I'm saying?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Good. Now, we can do this the easy way or the hard way."

Amber pretended to consider the Joker's options and looked at him calmly. "You're right. We can do this the easy way…or the hard way…" She inclined her head in Lyle Bolton's direction.

The Joker chewed on the inside of his cheek for a moment before turning and skulking away. "Stupid, difficult, woman; won't be a good sport about giving me a little peek at a love letter…" he muttered under his breath.

Amber looked in Joan's direction to see her giving a thumbs up. Amber released the breath she'd been holding in. Her knees felt a little wobbly. She couldn't believe she had just stood her ground like that! Man, she was definitely changing from the old, shy, Amber into something else! She looked back at her card and reread some of the words. It wasn't a proclamation of a secret love, but it was sweet and nice. In fact, it even mentioned that the sender had seen a change in her since her first day.

Amber looked up and scanned the faces of all the male staff in the room. She had been in Arkham for nearly seven months and she had an admirer? _"Nah; probably some joke the staff is pulling on the newbie," _she told herself. She met Lyle Bolton's eyes for a brief moment and he nodded his head at her in acknowledgement. What if _he _had sent her the card? Amber couldn't hold back a shiver. She sincerely hopped not! Bolton didn't seem like the kind of guy to send Valentine card to anyone, so it was probably not him.

Amber shook herself out of her thoughts and walked over to her group of charges who had all gathered at a corner table. "Alright, gang. Activity time," she announced.

Katelynn 2 flung her hands in the air. "Wheee!" she cried happily.

The Joker rolled his eyes at the girl. _"Thank insanity, she's not in my group today,"_ he thought to himself.

"Joker," Amber called.

The Joker turned his head in her direction. "Yeah?"

"I've been informed that the activity you had chosen for today is filled up and you'll have to be moved to Bingo since it's the only one available."

The Joker shrugged. "Fine with me."

Katelynn 2 wrapped her arms around the Joker. "Yea! That's my group!"

The Joker's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. "Not fine with me! Not fine with me!" he shouted as he struggled to pry Katelynn 2's arms away. He gave Amber a pleading look.

"Katelynn 2, release!" Immediately, Katelynn2 removed herself from the Joker and sat with her legs drawn in and her chin resting on her knees. She gave Amber a cheesy grin. Amber smiled back. "Good girl."

The Joker groaned and put his head in his hands. Harley was instantly by his side. "What's wrong, Puddin'?" she asked.

The Joker moaned and lifted his head to look at Harley. "Would you just leave me alone?"

"Why would she do that? After all, Mr. Joker, you're irresisti_**bl-ah**_," Amber teased, mimicking the way he talked.

The Joker's fists clenched. Then, he suddenly smiled. "You're mighty irresistible yourself," he said, calmly. Amber raised an eyebrow. The Joker gave a wicked grin before he continued. "Irresistible to ticking me off; and when I get ticked off…," he giggled, "the person who made me mad regrets it for the rest or small remaining moments or their life. Sooo… I think you better watch what you say around me."

Everyone was silent as they watched the two of them. Amber seemed to have paled a bit as the Joker continued to glare at her. The tension was electrifying. "Joker," a guard called. The Joker finally pulled his gaze away from Amber. The guard jerked his head at the Joker as a sign to follow him. The Joker looked back at Amber and smiled, sickeningly, at her. "See ya around, sweetheart," he said and walked away with Katelynn 2 to join their activity group. Amber waited until the Joker was out of sight before she finally looked down at her hands to see that they were trembling.

….

During Bingo, Katelynn 2 sat next to the Joker, humming to her favorite tune while the Joker glared at her from the corner of his eye. _**"Na na na na na na na na, Na na na na na na na na, Batman!"**_

The Joker groaned and let his head bang onto the table, making his bingo chips rattle. He lifted his head and used one hand to cradle his chin as his elbow stayed connected to the table. He was so _bored _in here! He couldn't stand listening to the orderly drone out letters and numbers anymore! The words were beginning to blend together and turn into other words.

"B Four, B Four, Bfour, Bour, Beour … Beuller… Beuller… Beuller…" _Wait; what?_

Katelynn 2 noticed the frown on the Joker's face. She grinned broadly at him. "Why so serious, Mr. J?"

The Joker sat straight up and sputtered at her. He clenched his fists. "If I had my knife…," he threatened.

"Aaaw. Are you sad without your little friend?" Katelynn 2 asked. She then broke out into song.

"_**I know, I know, you've been locked out of sight all these years  
>Like me, my friends<br>Well I've come home to find you waiting!  
>Home and we're together-!"<strong>_

The Joker shot up from his chair and covered Katelynn's mouth. "Shut up!" he shouted.

"Aggressive patient! Aggressive Patient!" a guard yelled out. Crap, he'd been spotted.

Katelynn 2 took advantage of the situation and put her hand to her forehead in a dramatic fashion. "Help! I'm being murdered; I'm too young to be murdered!"

The Joker looked around to see a swarm of guards running towards him. "What; no! This little demon is not innocent!" He released Katelynn 2 and jumped onto the table top. He started running in the opposite direction, kicking Bingo cards and chips into the air as he did so.

"Quick1 Get a tazor on him!" someone shouted.

"No! Not again!" What was with these guards and their fetish for tazors!

The Joker came to the end of the table and found two guards waiting for him. He leapt into the air and flew over their heads. He landed on the next table with a roll and sprang to his feet. The Joker cackled wildly at the surprised faces of the guards and kept running across the table.

All the commotion was making many of the patients nervous and upset. Some went into a frenzy and began to make a ruckus with the other patients and orderlies. This took the attention off the Joker as the guards went to assist orderlies with restraining patients from choking, punching, scratching, biting, and basically hurting each other.

The Joker turned to survey the damage he had done and inhaled deeply through his nose. He exhaled loudly. "Aaaah,I love the smell of Chaos in the morning," he said, grinning. A patient suddenly latched onto his ankle and attempted to pull him down from the table. "Down, Fido!" he snapped, and kicked the patient off. "Now to make my exit." He jumped off the table, gave a bow to no one in particular, and walked out of the room.

**(There's the Valentine's Day special! I hope you liked it! I'm glad that a few reviewers gave me some ideas for the story! I made a mural of the Mad House Gang on my deviantart channel (InkStainedHands518) in case anyone would like to check it out. Leave me some reviews please!)**


	10. A Close Call

**(Let's see what kind of mess our gang gets into this time!)**

Chapter Ten

A Close Call

"Maybe it was Mark?" Joan offered as a suggestion. February had passed and Amber had received another card from her nameless sender. Amber had found the card in her locker that morning and now had it lying on the table for Joan to see. She and Joan were sitting at a table in the break room.

Amber shook her head at Joan's suggestion. "Doesn't Mark have a girlfriend?" she asked.

"Oh yeah," Joan said.

They thought a little bit more until Amber shrugged. "Well, I guess I'm just going to have to keep guessing."

Joan pushed away from the table. "My break is up. I'll see you later." She walked out of the room, leaving Amber to enjoy the rest of her break.

Amber put in her iPod's earphones and began tapping her foot to the music. Since she was the only one in the break room, she started to sing the lyrics with her eyes closed. Amber bobbed her head.

"_**I'm your biggest fan  
>I'll follow you until you love me<br>Papa-paparazzi!  
>Baby, there's no other superstar<br>You know that I'll be  
>Your papa-paparazzi!<br>Promise I'll be kind  
>But I won't stop until that boy is mine;<br>Baby, you'll be famous  
>Chase ya down until you love me<br>Papa-papa-!"**_

A throat cleared loudly and Amber's eyes flew open. She froze in mid-head bob. Dr. Arkham stood in front of her, blinking. He nodded. "Nurse Amber…"

"Dr. Arkham…"

Dr. Arkham grabbed a chart from one of the boards on the wall, glanced at Amber, and then walked out. Amber's face turned crimson.

….

The Riddler was trying to stump Crane with one of his riddles. So far he was being fairly successful, which only made him annoying. "Would you like to hear another," he asked the ex-psychiatrist.

"Not really."

"Oh come on!"

"No, Nigma."

"Pleeeeeeeease!"

Crane shot him an icy blue glare. "If you ask me once again, I'll not be held responsible for the nightmares you'll have tonight," he threatened. Nigma flashed him a cheesy grin and pretended to zip up his lips. Crane smirked and held his head high. Only he knew what it took to stop him from asking those pesky riddles. There was a time when Nigma had not heeded Crane's threats and spent an entire night screaming in terror. Ever since then, Nigma had learned not to push his luck with Crane.

"I spy with my little eye… something…orange," Harley chirped.

Ivy let out a groan. They had been playing this game for ten minutes and it was getting on her last nerve; especially since there was _very _little to spy. "Harl, please, I can't do this anymore."

"Aw, come on; something orange!"

"Is it our uniforms?"

"Drat! You're good." Of course she was; the only things orange were Nigma and Ivy's hair and the uniforms!

The loud speakers clicked on and a man's worried voice spoke. "Attention Arkham staff; Victor Zsaz has escaped from his cell and is still in the building. Staff is instructed to get to safety and remain there until Zsaz is apprehended. If you are not in any safe zone, please travel in groups or pairs and never be alone. Be on your guard. Victor Zsaz is very dangerous and may be armed." The speakers squawked off and left a tense atmosphere.

The Joker banged his fist on his glass wall. "That Zsaz thinks he can escape and have all the fun? He doesn't know who he's messing with!"

Edward leaned against his own glass wall and rolled his eyes. "He's not messing with you, Joker, and it's not like you can do anything about it." A second later his brown eyes nearly popped out of their sockets when the Joker walked in front of Nigma's cell, grinning mischievously.

"Oh, can't I?" the Joker asked with an amused tone.

The Riddler flung himself against the glass, pressing his face on the surface and creating a squeak. A look of incredulity was written all over his features. "HOW?" he screeched.

The Joker leaned against the wall, supporting his weight on one hand while pretending to examine his fingernails on the other. "Elementary, my dear Nigma. The answer is simple…," he looked at Edward with a smug grin, "it's_** me**_!" The clown laughed long and hard at his joke and began to walk away.

"Puuuuuuuuddiiiiiiiin'!" The Joker came to a screeching stop, but didn't turn around. "You're not thinking of leaving me, are you?"

The Joker turned on his heel. A fake smile was plastered on his face as he walked back to Harley's cell. "Of course not, pumpkin," he lied. The Riddler chuckled maliciously and succeeded in getting a death glare from the Joker.

….

Amber had heard the announcement on her way to High Level Criminally Insane Ward. She began to panic when she realized that she was completely alone. There wasn't a single staff member or guard in sight! What would she do? Amber took a calming breath and tried to reason with herself. What were the chances that she'd run into Victor Zsaz? "_One is a million."_

**BAM!** Amber was knocked off her feet and slammed against the wall with a hand encircling her throat. Breathing became difficult and struggling did no good. Amber's eyes flew open when she saw her attacker was Victor Zsaz. _"Congratulations, Amber Johnson! You're that one in a million!" _

Zsaz held a kitchen knife to Amber's cheek. He smiled wickedly and moved the blade to her chin. "You'll be another mark," he whispered, breathlessly.

Amber went through her mental file cabinet of information she had picked up over time about all the patients in Arkham. Most of it came from what Joan, Gatsby, or her charges told her. But one piece of information leapt to the front of her mind. It was something the Joker had said to her. "_If you ever want to make Zsaz spaz out then act like you don't believe he's honest about his marks. He'll be so focused on convincing you that he won't notice anything else." _ Victor Zsaz inflicted a mark on his body to represent each of his victims. He was very proud of them. Maybe if she could just distract him long enough…?

"Another mark?" Amber asked, hoarsely.

Zsaz reacted just the way she had hoped. He removed the knife from her chin and used the tip of the blade to point at the tally-marks that adorned the skin of his forearm. "A mark for every victim, and you're next." The blade was reacquainted with Amber's face.

"You've killed that many people?" Amber hoped her voice sounded doubtful to Zsaz. It sounded more like a choking squeak to her.

"Yes, all of them…. Why? You… you don't believe me?" Zsaz took the knife away from Amber and stared at her in disbelief. "You don't think I've killed this many people? Okay, okay; so I do have _**one **_extra mark, but that person escaped me before I could finish them off! I got cocky! I'm honest about my kills! I don't cheat, unlike my sister! She probably makes marks without killing anyone just so she can gloat at me, but she'll never have more marks than me! I'm the eldest; I -!" **WHAM! **

The hand constricting Amber's throat was removed and Zsaz was whisked out of sight by an orange blur. Amber sank to the floor, gasping for breath. She massaged the sore spot on her neck where Victor's fingers had dug into her skin. She'd most likely have a few bruises in the morning.

Amber looked to her left to see the Joker pinning Zsaz to the floor, knife against his neck. "Now, now, Zsaz; that's not the way to treat the nice nurse, is it?" The Joker held the knife up to the light and smirked at him. "Tsk, tsk, tsk, Zsaz. You know weapons aren't allowed in here. And by the way, you picked a pretty pathetic knife." Zsaz only growled and thrashed around.

Amber heard a noise and turned to see all of her charges heading her way. _"How did they get out?" _

Katherine and Katlyn 1 froze when they spotted Amber and their shoulders slumped. "Busted," Katherine muttered.

Harley stepped forward from the group and eyed the scene before them, curiously. "Uh, Puddin'; what's going on?"

"Zsaz here," the Joker said, gesturing at the mad man with the tip of the knife, "was trying to slice up our favorite nurse."

Harley glared at Zsaz and stamped her foot. "You idiot! She's the fun nurse!"

"I needed another mark! I need another mark!" Zsaz screamed.

"Oh why don't you go and be emo somewhere else?" Katherine scoffed. Katlyn 1 nodded in agreement. Zsaz howled and attempted to throw the Joker off of him in order to get at the two girls, but the Joker grabbed him by the shirt shoulders and roughly shoved him back down.

"I wouldn't do that if were you, Zsazy."

Amber shakily stood to her feet and grabbed the walkie-talkie that had been thrown from her waist clip to the other side of the hall when Zsaz collided with her. She coughed at the pain in her throat and pressed the talk button. "This is Nurse Johnson. I need security in the lower wing. I have Victor Zsaz restrained and need assistance immediately." A guard's voice came back telling Amber help was heading her way. She soon had a coughing fit from speaking too soon after her lack of air experience with Zsaz.

"Are you alright, Miss Amber?" Jervis Tetch asked. Amber nodded but continued to cough for a few minutes.

"Why didn't you tell them about us being out of our cells?" The Joker asked, not looking at Amber. Amber's coughs immediately stopped. She looked up at them and felt like slapping her forehead. She actually forgot to mention that deatail?

"You really _do _like us, don't you?" Jervis said, cheerfully.

"Well, I, uh, I-," Amber stuttered and broke into another fit of coughs.

"Of course she does!" Tommy Tetch cried, looking just as happy as his cousin. Amber felt a little torn. Her charges had helped her with Zsaz, yet they had been in the middle of escaping when they stumbled upon her. But the Joker didn't have to help… Why did he help her? Should she turn them in as attempt escapees; or should she…?

"Nurse Johnson?"

Amber turned to see three guards had shown up and were eyeing the unrestrained Joker as he held Zsaz down. "It's okay, boys; I was taking them to the Rec Room when Zsaz here tried to attack me. The Joker … actually saved me."

The guards' mouths dropped open as they stared at the Clown Prince of Crime in disbelief. He merely gave them a smug smile. "You're sure that's what happened?" One of them asked.

"Of course I'm sure! Now take Zsaz and go, will ya?"

The guards did as Amber asked and left. Amber let out a sigh and turned to face her charges. They were all staring at here in confusion. "You didn't turn us in?" Chelsea asked.

Katherine rolled her eyes. "Nah; that's kinda obvious."

"Just don't make me regret that decision, okay?" Amber muttered.

The Joker leaned on the wall next to Amber. He gave a devilish grin. "Now why would we do a thing like that?" he asked, smoothly.

"And what a surprise, I already do." Amber turned to face the Joker and held her hand out, palm up. . "Give me the knife."

The Joker feigned a look of ignorance. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Joker, give me the dead gum knife right now or so help me, I will take away your dessert privileges!"

The Joker's hand dived into his sock and took out the weapon. "Oh you mean _this_ knife?" he asked with a grin.

Amber snatched it away and turned on her heel to leave. She paused and bit her bottom lip. "Thank you."

The Joker jumped in front of Amber, blocking her exit. "Excuse me?" he asked, curiously.

"I said… thank you," she repeated, quietly.

The Joker cupped a hand to his ear and leaned close. "Come again?"

"Thank you," Amber hissed through clenched teeth.

The Joker stepped closer, thoroughly enjoying his teasing of Amber. "One more time, sweetheart, I couldn't hear you."

"Thank you! Are ya happy now?" Amber shouted.

The Joker straightened up and smirked. "Very much so," he answered.

Katherine and Katlyn 1 stood together, watching the scene between the Joker and Amber. "You know, Katlyn…. That little display the Joker put on with saving Amber could be seen as something…," Katherine said with a sly tone.

"Like what?"

"Like a certain clown taking a certain interest in the well-being of a certain nurse."

"Who are these certain people?" Katherine gave Katlyn 1 a blank stare until it finally clicked in Katlyn's mind. "Oh yeaaaaah; it could, couldn't it?"

"Mh-hmmm."

"What are we going to do?"

"We tell Mr. Riddler of our discovery and he'll help us come up with a scheme."

Katherine and Katlyn 1 hurried towards the person who was the object of their adoration and quickly filled him in. Nigma gave a smile that nearly made the girls squeal. "This could be … interesting," he said with a chuckle. …

Amber had no choice but to take her charges to the Rec Room since that's what she'd told the guards. Amber peeked inside the room to see who was around and felt relieved when she saw no one except guards and orderlies. She opened the door for her charges. "You've got the place to yourselves, guys," she told them. Amber was nearly trampled by them as they ran inside.

Amber blinked in confusion at their sudden burst of excitement. She looked back at them and found out the reason why. They were heading for the TV's remote control. All thirteen patients leapt for the control and head butted each other. The two that recovered the quickest were the Joker and Nigma. Both men grabbed the remote and began jerking and pulling back and forth on the device.

"I grabbed it first!" the Joker yelled.

"Did not! My fingers were clearly touching it before you snatched it up, so I get the remote!"

"Do not!"

"Do so!"

"Fingers don't count!"

"It stands to good reason that they do!"

"Why don't you take that good reason, Nigma, and shove it up you're a -!"

"Boys!" Amber snapped, cutting off the Clown Prince of Crime, who at this particular moment was acting more like a six year old. "You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

"Yeah, Nigma; for shame. You should know how to behave better."

"I'm the one? It takes _two _people to play tug-of-war!"

"Actually, there can be many people to play tug-of-war," Jervis interrupted.

"Stay out of this!" Nigma and the Joker shouted. The Mad Hatter practically shrank from their fierce glares. Amber couldn't help but feel sorry for Jervis.

"Here's an idea," Amber said as she walked towards them, "how about _no one_ gets the remote?" She snatched the remote out of their hands and put it away. Thirteen voices began to whine and complain. Amber rolled her eyes and put both hands on her hips. "Really guys, if you're just going to argue over the remote like that, then it can be assumed that each of you will want to watch something different. I'm just trying to avoid another argument."

"Look, Amber," the Joker began and caught the elevated eyebrow she sent in his direction. "_Nurse _Amber; since I'm the leader of this group, I might as well have the decision of what we watch."

Two-Face whipped his head around. "Who said _you're _the leader?"

"Since I said so, Mr. Double Mint Twin."

Dent growled and began to rise from his seat. "Down, boy," Amber cautioned. He threw her a pout but sat down with his arms folded over his chest. "Dent's right though, Joker. You're not the leader of this group; I am."

The Joker collapsed in a fit of laughter. "What on Earth makes you think you're our leader?" he gasped.

"Since I'm the one who's friends with a doctor who has the authority to send you to solitary confinement."

The Joker's laughter instantly ceased. "Touché," he muttered.

Amber unlocked a drawer in the corner of the wall and opened it. "We could watch a movie; how does that sound?"

"Oh boy! Movie night!" Nigma cried, giddily and leapt into the air over the top of the sofa and landed in the empty space next to Katherine. Katherine had somehow produced a bucket of popcorn from out of nowhere. Nigma bumped her elbow and made the bucket of popcorn go flying in the air. Some bits landed in the Joker's hair, the brim of Jervis' top hat, Crane's shoulders, and Chelsea's lap. Tommy reached up and ate some kernels off of his cousin's hat until Jervis slapped away his hand.

Amber leaned on the TV in front of the patients. "Sooo; what'll it be, ladies and gentlemen?"

"And Ivy," the Joker chuckled. He received an elbow to his ribs from Harley. "Ouch! What?"

"You know what, Mistah J."

Amber cleared her throat and continued. "what move would you like to watch? I've got a few DVDs that I pulled from the movie library here, and they should all be Arkham approved."

"Then they must suck," Katherine said, which got a few snickers.

Amber held a small stack of DVDs up and showed them each individually as she called out the title. "The Little Mermaid?" She looked at their faces. No response. "While You Were Sleeping?"

The Joker snickered. "Sounds kinda questionable," he said and reached across to Katherine to steal a handful of popcorn. She slapped at his hand until he withdrew it, a triumphant grin on his face.

"A Knight's Tale?"

Harley giggled. "Ya know, Puddin', there's a guy in that movie that reminds me of you."

"Labyrinth?"

"YES!" Amber jumped and looked up to see Harley, Ivy, Katherine, Katlyn 1, Katelynn 2, and Chelsea standing on their feet; their eyes gleaming wildly.

Amber blinked and held it up again. "You've seen this?" she asked in surprise.

"About 15 million times when I was younger!" Harley squealed.

The men of the group looked completely lost, but Crane was the one to voice their thoughts. "What's Labyrinth?"

Katherine's jaw nearly touched the floor. "You have never seen the awesomeness that is the Labyrinth?"

"No, he merely asked because he felt like it," the Joker muttered.

"Two words, Mr. Crane: David. Bowie," Katelynn 2 answered.

The Riddler rolled his golden brown eyes. "That's a name, genius."

"Well, here's three words with a name: David. Bowie. In. Tight. Pants!" Chelsea exclaimed.

Crane eyed the DVD case. "This is some kind of chick flik, isn't it?" he asked, suspiciously.

Harley stood with her hands on her hips. "No, Mr. Smarty Pants; it's not!"

Amber lightly traced the edge of the DVD case with her thumb as she stared at the cover thoughtfully. "She's kinda right, Crane. It's more of an adventure/ fantasy film," she replied.

Crane shook his head. "I'm not going to watch it," he answered.

"Well, it's not entirely up to you. We'll vote," Amber told him. "All those in favor?" Katherine, Katlyn 1, Katelynn 2, Chelsea, Ivy, and Harley raised their hands. "And all opposed?" Nigma, Jervis, Joker, Crane, Caleb, and Tommy raised their hands. The only person who didn't vote was Dent. Everyone looked at him. "Well, Dent, what's your decision?" Amber asked.

Sweat began to form on his forehead. "Uuuh?"

"Come on, Dent. You're the tie-breaker."

Dent pulled out his coin and flipped it. "Um… I guess we're, uh… we're watching Labyrinth," he muttered. All men groaned as the girls cheered happily.

"You and that stupid coin!" the Joker whined.

"don't insult that coin, Mistah J! It knew a good movie when it heard the title!"

"Yeah Joker, don't diss the coin," Harvey said, smugly and settled into his seat. Amber inserted the DVD and turned on the TV by using the remote control. Even though the men hadn't wanted to watch they quieted down when the film started. All through the movie the female patients were mouthing lines or singing along to the songs or squealing when David Bowie appeared on screen.

The Joker glanced over at Amber, who had dragged a chair to be next to the sofa on his side. She was watching the movie with a smile on her face. Then, as if she suddenly remembered, Amber looked away from the movie to run a checkup glance over her patients to make sure they were all there and no one had snuck off. When her eyes landed on the Joker, he lifted an eyebrow playfully at her. She rolled her eyes and looked back at the screen.

"Mistah J, do you think you'd let me fix your hair like that?"

The Joker looked at the Goblin King's wild, anime-like hair and then looked back at Harley. "Oh heck no!"

"Aw, come on, Puddin'! Pleeeeeaaase?" Harley begged.

"No!"

"Oh pwetty pwetty pweeeease?"

"No!"

"But Puddin'-!"

"I wish the goblins would come and take you away right now!" All the patients stared at the Joker. The realization of what he just said slowly came to him as he glowered at the TV. He smacked his palm against his forehead. "AAAH! This movie is poisoning my mind!" he groaned.

As the movie progressed, Amber noticed Tommy, Jervis, and Harvey seemed to be drawn into the plot and were watching the screen with rapt attention. She tried hard to contain a laughing fit when she saw the look on Harvey's face. He was wide-eyed with interest.

Harley was still trying to talk the Joker into getting some sort of Goblin King make over. "What if we trade your suit for one of his outfits?"

"Are you out of your mind?"

"Is that a trick question?" Katherine asked, sarcastically.

The movie was nearing its end and the heroine faced the Goblin King as he offered her her dreams. "Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave…"

Crane quirked his eyebrows as high as they could go. "Of all the oxymorons on Earth-! That doesn't even make any sense!"

Katherine quickly stuffed Crane's mouth with popcorn. "Sh!" Her attention was once again captured by the beautiful Goblin King. Crane glared at her but his glares went unnoticed. The film ended and Amber turned to see the Joker silently pleading with her to make Harley stop begging him to change his style. Amber got off her seat and ignored him. She took out the DVD and placed it back in the DVD cabinet.

Amber turned to see Harvey Dent wiping tears away from his good eye. "Beautiful… just… *sniff* beautiful," he whimpered. Amber smiled and rolled her eyes good naturedly.

"Alright everyone. I think it's time for you to go back to your cells." A collective groan rang out from her charges but Amber shook her head. "Nuh-uh! Go to your cells."

They began to move and soon Katherine and Katlyn 1 started to sing. _**"Dance Magic, Dance! Dance Magic, Dance! Put that magic jump on me!" **_

Crane screamed and covered his ears. "No!" he knew he'd never be able to sleep tonight since those two girls had cells on both sides of his own. The Joker was also going to lose some sleep; so would the Riddler. It was going to be a long, sleepless night.

**(So there we go! More insanity is to come, don't you worry! But I have no more full chapters written out already. The rest are scraps of ideas that I plan on using. I'd like it if any one has any ideas in mind for this story. Please leave a review. Thanks!)**


	11. Fun House

**(I'm ooberly sorry that I haven't posted a chapter in a while, but it's basically been one thing after the other. Please forgive me!)  
>[Music Advice: Listen to 'Fun House' by P!nk (I suggest the clean version), and 'Trouble' by P!nk is pretty funny to listen to during the fight scene at the end of this chapter. … Oh! Did I just mention that there's a FIGHT in this chapter? *smirks evilly* Did that grab your attention?]<strong>

Chapter Eleven  
>Fun House<p>

"_**This used to be a Fun House  
>But now it's full of evil clowns<br>It's time to start the countdown  
>I'm gonna burn it down, down, down<br>I'm gonna burn it down." **_

Amber sang to herself as she clipped on her ID badge and walkie-talkie. She paused in the middle of her song and glanced around.

Dr. Arkham usually showed up at about this time and cause her embarrassment by catching her in the act of singing. But he was nowhere in sight.

Amber grinned and continued singing.

"_**Oh; I'm crawling through the doggy door  
>My keys don't fit the lock no more<br>I've changed the drapes  
>I break the plates<br>I've found a new place  
>Let's burn this-!" <strong>_

Suddenly, without warning of any kind, Amber heard the unmistakable sound of a throat being cleared. Amber winced and slowly turned around to find her suspicions confirmed. "Dr. Arkham," she acknowledged.

He nodded back to her, now becoming accustomed to Amber's quirks. "Nurse Amber." He walked on by, attending to his duties.

Amber gave a sigh of relief. At least he didn't stare at her with that shocked expression he had on a few days before. She figured that the doctor was getting used to her.

Glancing down at her watch, Amber hurried along to the patients cells. 9:30 am. Surely that wasn't too early to go take her charges to the Fitness Room and give them a little work out?

….

_The Joker had Batman at his non-existent mercy. He held a knife to the vigilante's throat as he laughed uncontrollably. "Let's put a smile on that face," he cackled and moved the blade towards Batman's mouth. _

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE UUUUUUP, EVERYBODY! MORNING GLORIES!"

The Joker's dreams were torn away from him and he quickly sat up in bed. Whoever had woken him up was _dead_! _Dead _I tell you; _dead_!

"Gaaaah!" Katherine squawked in surprise and shock.

"IIIEEE!" Chelsea screeched, suddenly jumping in bed and falling off the mattress.

The lights flicked on above their heads and many sought to shelter themselves from the unwelcomed brightness by covering their faces with blankets or pillows.

"Bats are nocturnal!" Katelynn 2's muffled voice called out from underneath her pillow.

"BATS!" Caleb screamed and buried himself under his covers, weeping.

Amber stood at the hallway entrance, observing her charges' wake-up call reactions. She couldn't help but smile.

"Today's going to be a beautiful day."

…

Everyone stood in line facing Nurse Amber as she checked her list to see if all her charges were present. In body they were all present, but mentally… all of them were wishing they were in bed, sleeping.

The Joker hadn't stopped glowering at Amber since she had entered his line of vision. Even Harley knew better than to wake him up. The Joker woke up on his own accord. It didn't make things any better that Amber was purposefully ignoring his glares!

"_That nurse is going to get in deep with me one of these days!"_

"You can wipe that look off your face, Mr. Grumpy Gills," Amber said, passing by him as she paced in front of the line.

The Joker promptly stuck his tongue out at her.

"Real mature," she muttered, and directed her full attention to the list.

Crane leaned over towards the Joker with a smug, smirk on his face. "Now… _who _wanted her to be our nurse?"

The Joker _slowly_ twisted his neck around to look at Crane, an undeniable thirst for blood glinted in his eyes. "You will diiiiiiiiie," he hissed.

Katlyn 1's eyes were closed and she was nodding off where she stood. The sudden jerks of her head were beginning to resemble that of a bobble head on a dashboard. She soon fell face first on the floor but didn't even wake up.

"That's one hard sleeper," Harvey said to himself.

A loud, piercing, shrill whistle filled the air and all but Katlyn 1 cringed at the sound.

Amber removed the silver whistle from her lips and smiled. "Now that I've got your attention, listen up. I'm going to set you up with an exercising partner and no, you cannot switch partners. Harley and Ivy; you'll be a team. Tommy and Jervis, Katherine and Katlyn 1, Caleb and Chelsea, Crane and Dent, and the Joker will be with Nigma. Katelynn 2 will be with me."

Amber eyed the Joker and Edward. "Maybe the two of you will learn to work together."

Nigma and the Joker looked at one another, sizing the other up. Both were sending an unspoken message; a silent declaration that a contest had been set between them. It was rather ridiculous considering both men were rather thin and not much of a body builder type but that's the thing about men. No matter how different or mentally insane they are, men will turn everything into a contest.

Katelynn 2 ran over to Amber and encircled the nurse with both arms. "Yea! We're partners!"

"Yippee," Amber replied with little enthusiasm.

Katherine dragged Katlyn 1 by the foot over to the bicycles and shook her awake.

"Wake. Up. Katlyn."

Katlyn 1 moaned and curled into herself. "Look at all the pretty ponies," she cooed, sleepily.

Katherine's eyes widened in terror and she proceeded to shake her even harder. "Katlyn! Wake! Up! You're dreaming about something other than the Riddler! Wake up!"

Katherine gave her a swat on the butt and the girl's head perked up. Katlyn's eyes were half way open as she peered around at her surroundings.

"This isn't Buckingham Palace, is it?" she asked Katherine.

"Nope."

"Bummer."

Katlyn 1 sluggishly stood to her feet and rubbed her eyes as Katherine explained what they were supposed to do. The explanation was cut short when Katlyn 1 caught sight of the exercise bicycles.

She gave a high-pitched squeal. "Oooh! Bikes! Let's race, Katherine!"

Dashing over to the equipment, she hopped onto the seat and began pedaling as fast as she could. After doing this for nearly a minute and seeing her position had not changed, she scrunched up her nose and looked at Katherine.

"This bike is broken," she whined.

Katherine only shook her head and sighed.

Harley and Ivy were sitting on a pair of chairs that required the use of their legs to lift a bar that their feet were tucked under. They were having a pleasant conversation; one that didn't involve anything about their criminal acts, Batman, the Joker, or plants.

"So you really don't think red is my color?" Harley asked.

"No; I'm just saying that you should try adding more color to your wardrobe, Harl."

"Like what?"

"Well, you could always try blue. It would really bring out your eyes. But with your skin tone you'd have to be careful with what type of blue you put on because the wrong shade could make you look pale and-."

"VROOOM! VROOOM! REEEH, REEEH!"

Both women looked away to see Katlyn 1 and Katherine on the bicycles having an imaginary race, complete with race car sound effects.

"You'll never catch me alive, coppers!" Katlyn 1 shouted.

Katherine frowned but never paused in her pedaling. "Since when am I the cops? I hate being the cops. You be the police."

"But I don't wanna!"

Ivy and Harley returned their attention to one another, shrugged, and resumed their conversation.

Over at the punching bags, Tommy and Jervis Tetch were staring at the equipment with perplexed expressions on their faces. Jervis stood with one hand stroking his beardless chin and squinted his eyes, as if staring at the punching bag would reveal an answer.

"Am I to presume that I'm supposed to strike at this contraption?" Jervis Tetch asked his cousin.

Tommy poked the black bag and looked back at Jervis. "Yep."

Jervis removed his hand from his chin and examined his fists. He wasn't exactly the best well-built man in the asylum, nor was he the most physically violent. In fact, he was one of the shortest patients in the asylum and ranked in the top ten of being the scrawniest. The Scarecrow ranked number one.

"Is there a certain way that you do this?" Jervis inquired.

"Uuuuh…," Tommy stuttered. He wasn't the person to ask about punching. Sure, he was a little muscular- just a little- but that came from push-ups, not punches!

Harvey Dent overheard their dilemma and left Crane, who was busy using the treadmill. Dent made a show of cracking his knuckles in front of the two Tetchs and sauntered over to the punching bag.

"Do you need a little lesson in fight techniques?" he asked, innocently.

"Girly slapping doesn't count as a fight, Harv!" the Joker shouted at him.

"Who asked you?" Harvey yelled back.

"Would you really help us out?" Jervis asked Dent, delightedly.

Harvey shrugged his broad shoulders. "Of course."

"Pansy!"

"Shut up, Clown!"

He was doing this for three reasons: 1) to show off in front of everyone, 2) to show off in front of Ivy, and 3) to give the Tetch boys a little more macho in their step.

Harvey moved Tommy and Jervis to a punching bag of their own and he stood in the center of them, facing both men.

"Alright, Hatter, Tommy; make a fist."

Tommy balled up his hand and held it up to show Dent; Jervis positioned his thumb to be hidden inside his hand when it closed. Harvey shook his head.

"No, no, Jervis. If you punch a guy like that the only thing that will break will be your thumb."

Jervis quickly moved his thumb into the correct position. He looked at dent and got a nod of approval.

"Now hit it!"

Jervis thrust his fist out as hard as he could. The only thing wrong about this was that he closed his eyes. His fist collided with Dent's jaw, sounding out a fleshy smack. Harvey barely moved.

Jervis and Tommy were beside themselves with fear.

"I'm terribly, terribly sorry for that Mr. Dent! I-!"

"You call that a punch?"

"W,what?"

"That barely even hurt! You gotta put more force into it! Do it again, but this time hit the bag."

"O,of course."

Jervis pulled back his fist and kept his eyes open this time as he brought it forward to the bag. The piece of equipment hardly swung from the impact. In fact, it barely quivered.

Dent rubbed his good eyelid with his right thumb. "Oh, we have so much work to do."

Meanwhile, since his exercising partner had abandoned him, Crane jogged alone on the treadmill at a brisk pace. The Joker came strolling up to him with an amused expression on his painted face. Crane ignored him by continuing to stare straight ahead at the wall.

"Oh Craney Boy; I knooow you seeee me!" the clown sing-songed.

"What do you want?"

"I just wanted to know, out of curiosity, how fast you can run?"

"What?" Crane asked, nervously. He looked down too late to see the Joker messing with the machine's speed control.

"Leave that alone!" crane shouted, swatting at the Joker's hand. But it was too late. The treadmill began to move faster and Crane had to pick up his pace or be thrown off.

The Joker laughed as he trotted back to the weights, leaving Crane running like an Olympic runner.

Every time Crane tried to press the button to slow the machine down, his pace would slacken and he'd nearly fall. Crane gripped the handle bars tightly, running out of steam.

"Jokeeeeeer!" he yelled.

Crane tripped out of exhaustion and his body went flying across the room. He landed in Dent's arms and the two men blinked at one another.

Dent recovered from the surprise delivery and smirked at Jervis and Tommy. "Look what the twister dropped off; a scarecrow!"

Over at the weights, the Joker and Nigma had paused in their exercising contest to watch Amber encourage Katelynn 2 in lifting weights.

"Come on Katelynn; you can lift this thing."

Katelynn 2 folded her arms and stubbornly shook her head. "Nope."

Amber smiled as she rolled her eyes. "Oh come on."

Katelynn closed her eyes and lifted her chin defiantly. "Nuh-uh!"

"Why not?"

Katelynn 2 pointed at the weight lifting machine that Amber was currently sitting on.

"That thing is bigger that my head."

"Really?" the Joker asked, raising his voice.

Amber slowly craned her neck around so she could look over her shoulder at the Joker. She narrowed her green eyes at him.

The Joker clamped a hand over his heart, feigning a love-struck fool. "Ooh! I love it when she looks at me that way."

"One of these days Nurse Amber is going to seriously harm you and when that day comes, I'll be selling tickets to the event," Nigma said with a smug grin.

"Nah, she loves me too much. Don't 'cha, sweetheart?"

Another nasty glare fired his way.

"Oooh. I definitely felt the love in that look, Joker."

The Joker snorted and turned his attention back to the young nurse.

"How about if I go first; will that work for you?" Amber asked Katelynn 2.

"Nope."

"What if I ask the Possessions people to let you have your Batman cape back just for the day?"

"BAAAAATSSSS!"

"Oh for the love of-! Who said the B-word?" Katherine yelled in annoyance as Caleb writhed on the floor. Chelsea, his partner, stepped away from him, her unease very evident.

In answer to Katherine's question, Katelynn 2 moved to point at Amber. The nurse quickly slapped her hand away and made an effort not to look in Katherine's direction.

The Joker snickered and received another death glare.

Amber lowered her voice as she spoke to Katelynn again. "So how 'bout it? Lift the weights and I'll try to get you the Ba-… that cape for one day."

Katelynn 2 put a hand to her chin, considering it. "Hmmm…okay. But you go first."

Amber smiled and lowered herself down onto the bench, eyeing the weight above her.

"_No problem. Piece of cake," _she thought.

In high-school Amber had been able to do this stuff in gym class without much difficulty. She had even gotten to the point of being able to lift three pounds more than what girls her size normally could carry.

Amber got a firm grip on the weight bar and readied herself for the lift.

"Alright, Katelynn; spot me."

"You're right there! Spotted you! I win!" Katelynn 2 cheered.

Amber let her arms go limp and covered her eyes as she groaned. "No, Katelynn. In gym terms it means to make sure the weights don't crush me. You have to be ready to catch them at any moment."

"Ooooh. Okay." Katelynn 2 skipped over to be at Amber's head and she waved at the nurse. "Hi-yah!"

Amber chuckled at her upside down view of Katelynn. "Hi-yah." She resumed her hold on the bar. "Ready?"

"Ready!"

Katelynn 2 watched Amber prepare to lift. The young nurse seemed to be wincing and then let out a loud, audible sigh.

Katelynn 2 cocked her head to the side. "I said I'm ready. When are you going to lift the weights?"

Nurse Amber's face reddened. "I just did," she muttered.

"But it didn't move."

"I am aware of that!"

Amber tried to lift the weights once again but ended up making her arms tremble. Dang; had high-school been _that_ long ago?

Amber sensed movement from both sides of her head and she frowned as Nigma and the Joker peered down at her with grins on their faces.

"Having issues, buttercup?" the Joker trilled.

"Nothing like the ones you have," Amber replied without missing a beat.

The Joker suddenly dropped onto the bar, grasping it with both hands as he inched his face closer to Nurse Amber's.

"At least I can lift weights!" he snapped, face hovering uncomfortably near Amber's.

Nigma casually leaned against the body of the equipment and pretended to examine his cuticles.

"Hmm; Joker. Kinda invading some personal space there, aren't we? Though this isn't the first time this has occurred and one must begin to wonder why?"

The Joker slowly turned his head to look Nigma. The Prince of Puzzles was very fascinated with his fingernails at the moment, but there was a smirk on his lips.

"Just _wha__**t-ah**_ is that supposed to mean?" he asked, narrowing his eyes at Nigma.

"Oooh Joker… Must you act clueless?"

Again with that infuriating smirk! What was he smirking about! What could he possibly mean by-?...

The Joker's eyes popped at what the Riddler was insinuating. "You too! Listen String Bean-!"

"Would you stop straddling me!" Amber blurted out.

The Joker looked down to see that he was indeed straddling Nurse Amber. Any other time he would have used this opportunity to further tease Amber, but not when Nigma –"_Stupid Nigma"_ – had ruined it.

The Joker quickly jumped off of the bench and Amber scrambled to her feet.

"Pervert!"

The Joker gave an exaggerated scoff and let his mouth hang in mock surprise.

"Yeeees, Joker. It would appear that there is some sort of, uh, _chemistry_ between the two of you," Nigma purred. He might as well have sang, _"Troll lololololo!"_

Amber's face twisted with disgust. "Edward! Please! Don't make me hate you."

"You're already walking on thin ice, Quiz Boy."

Nigma continued smirking at the Joker. "I'm just voicing aloud what so many in this asylum have been thinking."

Amber marched right up to the Prince of Puzzles with a crazed look in her eyes that could have rivaled Victor Zsaz. "Who in the asylum? I want names!"

"I'm sorry, but I don't think it the best idea to divulge that information."

The Joker grabbed Nigma by the shirt. "She wants the names, pal! No, forget her! _I _want those names! Now you better squeal like a pig or so help me I will dye your hair purple!"

By now the scene had attracted everyone's attention. Katherine and Katlyn 1 jumped up and cried, "No, no! Not his hair! Anything but this gorgeous hair!"

Nigma gaped at the Joker. "You wouldn't!"

"Oh I would!"

Amber caught the attention of an orderlie and a guard standing outside of the gyms glass walls. They hurried inside and Amber quickly told them to keep an eye on the rest of the patients.

Grabbing both men by their shirt sleeves, Amber hauled the Joker and Nigma out into the hall. "You two need to calm down!" she hissed once they were out of the room.

"I'll be calm once I punch his lights out!" Edward snapped.

The Joker cackled. "And break all the bones in your fragile hand while you're at it!"

"That's it!" Nigma shouted and made to lunge at him when Amber shouldered her way in between the Riddler and the Joker.

"Stop it! Both of you!" She shoved them apart, a hand on each chest and glared at them. "You're acting ridiculous!"

**[Cue P!nk's 'Trouble'.]**

"I've had enough of this clown!" Edward yelled, glowering at the Joker over Amber's head.

"I've had enough of you too, Mr. Leprechaun!"

Nigma let out a growl and sprang at the Joker, sandwiching Amber in between the men.

"Agh!" Amber yelled. She rammed into the Joker which threw him off balance, knocking him to the floor and further enraging him. Amber tried to scramble to her feet but was pushed aside.

"Break it up!"

She jumped up and pulled on Nigma's shirt, hoping by some miracle she could pull him away. Needless to say, it didn't work. What a surprise.

….

In the Surveillance Room, three guards were watching the fight on the screens and laughing.

"Ha ha ha! Look at that!" one guard pointed at Nurse Amber as she was once again dragged back into the middle of the fight.

"Oooh! Ha ha!"

…

The Joker had Nigma in a head lock, laughing insanely while Amber tried to pry his victim away and loosen the Joker's grip at the same time. When that didn't work, she wrapped her arm around the Joker's neck and kicked the back of his knees. The clown's legs crumbled from underneath him and down he went, still holding the struggling Riddler.

"Dang it, Joker! Let go of him!"

_Who the heck was playing P!nk's song 'Trouble' ?_

….

The guards cheered.

"She's like going med-evil on him!"

"Go girl! Kick his butt!"

…

Amber tightened her hold and reached around for her radio. She brought it to her mouth and yelled breathlessly into the speaker.

"Back up! I need back up in the South Hall! Code Purple Question Marks!"

….

The walkie-talkie on the table next to the guards squawked to life. A voice was yelling indistinguishable words. The owner picked it up and frowned at it.

"Dude, switch that off; it's distracting," a fellow security guard told him.

The owner turned it off and went back to watching Nurse Amber attempt to restrain two dangerous, mentally unstable, criminals.

….

"Hello! Is anyone listening?"

"_They must not be able to hear me over this music that started playing out of nowhere."_

"I need back u-Ah!"

Amber was lifted from her feet and tossed aside by the Joker. The radio fell from her hand and skidded across the floor.

The two patients were completely ignoring Amber, their sole focus was on one another and beating the life out of each other. Amber was a mere fly that they kept swatting away.

Amber gritted her teeth and clenched her fists.

"That's it!" she growled.

The music swelled with her anger.

Amber let out a battle cry worthy of Xena the Warrior Princess and launched herself at them. The Riddler and the Joker looked up just in time to see her leap in the air.

"Oh…"

"Crap…"

…

"OOOOOOH!" the guards chorused.

"It's like Saturday Night Smack Down!"

"Cheap shot! Cheap shot!"

One guard stuck his hand into a bowl full of popcorn and scooped a handful of kernels. He stuffed them into his mouth without taking his eyes off the screen. "Is that move even legal?" he asked with a mouth full of food.

"Ah; that's gotta hurt!"

"Look at that chick go!"

"You outta do something about this."

"Break up this fight; are you kiddin'? Man, we could sell tickets!"

At that moment the Head of Security, Lyle Bolton, walked in. "What's going on?" he asked, sternly.

Popcorn went flying in all directions as the group shot up from their seats and stood at attention.

"There's a disturbance, Sir, in the South Hall. We were just about to go put a stop to it!"

"Then get to it; now!"

"Yes Sir!"

…

An hour later, a bruised, battered, and disheveled Nurse Amber Johnson stood in Dr. Arkham's office. He took in her messy pony tail, her torn uniform, and bloody lip as Amber finished telling him her story of what had happened.

"But did you really find it necessary to body slam the patients and do other moves only the security guards seems to know the names of?" he asked.

Amber attempted to blow a stray strand of hair away from her face but it didn't work. She tucked it behind her ear and tried to come up with an answer.

"If the guards had responded to my call for back up I wouldn't have had to perform such drastic measures; somehow it got lost in translation."

Arkham sighed and removed his glasses to rub his eyes.

"I suppose if the patients launch a complaint against you we could plead self-defense. I won't mark you responsible for the outcome of this fight since the guards failed to respond. You may go."

"There's something else, sir."

"Yes?"

"Well, in order for me to get Katelynn 2 to participate-."

"Wait. Who?"

"Katelynn 2. Uh… Batman wannabe."

"Oh."

"In order to get her to participate in the exercising, I kinda had to promise her that … I'd ask if she could have her Batman cape for the rest of the day?"

Amber attempted to give the man her most winning smile. It was kinda marred by the bloody lip. All her teeth were intact, so that was a win.

"You want to give a patient, who suffers from delusions of being Batman, back the very thing that encourages her delusions?"

Amber's smile went down just a fraction of an inch. "I told her she could be a hero just for one day."

Dr. Arkham raised an eyebrow. "… Did you just quote a David Bowie song?" he dead panned.

Amber pressed her lips together in a thin line and nodded. "Yes. Yes, I did."

Cricket chirps would have been a welcomed sound effect if it only got rid of the awkward silence that hung in the air as nurse and doctor stared at each other.

"I … suppose it couldn't hurt too badly as long as she stays away from Caleb," Dr. Arkham finally relented.

Amber could have fist pumped the air and whooped but she simply remained still and smiled.

"Thank you, sir."

Amber turned to go.

"Oh, uh, Miss Johnson?"

"Sir?"

"Where _did _you learn to fight like that?"

"I watched a lot of _Xena; Warrior Princess _when I was younger."

Dr. Arkham couldn't even think of a response to that.

…

Amber stepped out of the office and went into the waiting room where Lyle Bolton was keeping a close eye on the two young men sitting hand cuffed to a bench. She stopped in front of them and put her hands on her hips, taking in their appearance.

The Joker's make-up was a miserably, smeared mess, his nose was bloody, the collar of his uniform was ripped, there was a hole displaying a scraped knee in his left pants leg, and he was missing his left shoe.

The Riddler's red hair was askew, his right shirt's sleeve was completely gone, his back protested every movement he made, and he held an ice pack over a black eye.

"Are you two gonna behave?" Amber asked.

"Yes, ma'am," they replied in a child-like tone.

They looked like two little boys ashamed of being scolded by their mother. The Joker completed the mental image by scuffing his toe on the floor and keeping his face directed down.

"Let's go," Amber sighed and motioned for them to stand and follow her out.

The two slowly and stiffly rose to their feet, but it wasn't fast enough for Bolton. He grabbed the back of their shirts and hoisted them up.

"Oouch!" Nigma yelped.

The Joker giggled. "Oh suck it up, Nigma," he taunted.

"I'm not a masochist like you, freak!"

Amber clapped her hands together. "Guys!"

They stopped and looked at her.

"You can argue when we get to your cells, okay?"

"Okay," they mumbled.

Bolton escorted the men to their cells along with Nurse Amber, giving them a hard shove if they limped too slowly.

Once Nigma and the Joker were in their cells, they sat on their beds, folded their arms, and glared at the wall that separated their cells from each other. If a wall could explode by glaring at it, that wall would have blown up into tiny fragments by now.

Amber purposefully walked towards the exit and paused under the doorway. "You can start now," she announced.

Nigma and the Joker's voices immediately began to taunt, tease, yell, shout, and insult each other. Amber shook her head as she left them to their petty arguing and walked back to the gym.

**(Again I have to apologize for the long wait. Inspiration took a while to travel into my head. But don't worry, inspiration has struck again for the next upcoming chapter in this story! I don't know when I'll get to update it, but I can promise you that it will not take as long as it did for this chapter.  
>Thanks to those who sent me ideas and suggestions! They really helped!<br>Please leave a review!)**


	12. House Calls

**(Okay! Here it is! I told you I wouldn't make you wait as long as last time! Didn't I?  
>[Okay, song suggestions: <strong>_**Desert Rose **_**by Sting and **_**Telephone**_** by Lady Gaga and Beyonce. And if any offense is taken from the content in this chapter then I ask for your forgiveness. This is made purely for laughs and does not in any way mean to be mean.]**

Chapter Twelve  
>House Calls <p>

_RIIIIIIIIIING!_

_RIIIIIIIIING!_

_RIIIIIIIING!_

"Hello, this is Amber Johnson. Who is this?"

*click*

"Um… Hello?"

*dial tone*

Amber closed her cell phone and shrugged.

"_Must have been the wrong number." _

She snuggled down in the soft blanket and sofa cushions in her apartment, returning her attention to the TV.

It was her day off and Amber had spent the entire day relaxing at home. She finally finished a book that had been waiting for her for nearly five months and her 1990's music playlist had played as she attacked the little village of dust bunnies that had popped up around the apartment. Now it was seven o'clock at night and she was enjoying a suspenseful movie and popcorn.

_RRIIIIIIING!_

_RRRIIIIIIIING!_

_RRIIIIIIIIIING!_

"Hello?"

*insert creepy, heavy breathing on the other line*

"Uh… h, hello?"

*click*

Amber nervously glanced up at the TV screen. Suddenly the idea of watching a suspenseful movie wasn't so appealing.

She clicked off the TV and her gaze landed on her bookshelf. A book! Another book would be a good way to kill some hours!

Amber launched herself off the couch and skidded to a stop in front of the bookshelf she had dubbed her Mini Library. It stood against the living room wall next to the window. The shelf was five foot ten and consisted of five shelvings.

She tilted her head as she scanned the titles along the spines. _The Complete Mysteries of Sherlock Holmes_, _Inkheart_, _The Princess Bride_, _The Complete Works of Edgar Allan Poe_, _The Bride Collector_, _Piercing the Darkness_, _This Present Darkness_, _The Phantom of the Opera_, _Dracula, The Hunger Games_,_ The Looking Glass Wars _series; the list went on and on. Amber was an irreconcilable bookworm in her spare time. She collected books like she collected music on iTunes.

An irritable huff escaped from her as she continued scanning the book titles for a story she hadn't read yet.

"Come on! Call to me already!" Amber snapped at the inanimate objects. Yes. Yes; Amber was telling her books to speak to her. But that did not mean she was crazy. Nope. Not one bit.

_Pick me! Pick me! Pick me!_

Amber snatched up the second volume of _The Looking Glass Wars _series; _Seeing Redd_. "Took you long enough," she muttered, hugging it to her chest.

She took a running leap and flung herself full length onto the couch. Something jabbed itself uncomfortably against her butt and Amber hastily removed the accursed object from under her. It was the radio remote. Okay, so it wasn't so accursed after all.

Amber settled into a comfortable position and pointed the remote at the radio, clicking the play button. _Desert Rose _sung by Sting began to softly stream through the speakers. _****_

_**"I dream of rain  
>I dream of gardens in the desert sand<br>I wake in vain  
>I dream of love as time runs through my hand<br>I dream of fire  
>Those dreams are tied to a horse that will never tire<br>And in the flames  
>Her shadows play in the shape of a man's desire."<strong>_

Amber let the soothing music work its magic on her tense muscles and she let out a sigh of relief. Opening up the book to the first page, Amber started to read…. only to be interrupted.

_RIIIIIIIIIIIING!_

_RIIIIIIIIIIING!_

"_Ugh!" _Amber closed the book and stretched out an arm to pick up the phone from the coffee table set in front of the couch.

"Hello?" Amber answered, impatiently. Rule Number One in _Guide to Coercing with Bookworms_; **Never **interrupt them before they've even made it past the first chapter of a book.

"Hello, I'd like to place an order for two meat lover pizzas and-."

"Whoa, whoa! Hold on, dude," Amber chuckled. "You've got the wrong number. This is a home phone number, not a pizza delivery place. Okay?"

There was silence on the other end and then an, "Oh."

"Yeah."

Amber was about to remove the phone from her ear and hang up when the guy spoke up again.

"So, uh, … do you know the number to a pizza place?"

Amber fired off the digits and once again got ready to hang up.

"Hey," the guy started.

Amber rolled her eyes and waited for him to continue. "Hm?"

"You sound like you're cute."

Amber awkwardly cleared her throat. "Um, thank you."

"What are you wearing?"

Amber's eyes went as big as the moon. "W, w, what?" she stuttered.

"What are you wearing? Are you in your pajamas? Lingerie? … _Nude_?"

Amber's eyes could not get any bigger. There simply wouldn't have been any more room on her face. Her cheeks were bright red in shock and embarrassment.

"Um! This conversation is over!"

"Hey wait-!"

"No, creeper!"

"How the heck did you know it was me?"

Amber's jaw dropped to the floor. The Creeper! The Creeper just called her? Amber could barely keep the phone in her hands as she fumbled to press the button to disconnect the call. The phone clattered to the wooden floor and Amber stared at it like it had transformed into a rattle snake.

She sat with her legs drawn in to her chest and her arms encircling them, staring at the phone. She very nearly jumped out of her skin when it rang once more.

Amber slowly reached for the phone and pressed the button. "H, hello?"

"So listen, I was wondering if you and I could hook up-."

Oh geez, it was The Creeper again!

"DON'T CALL THIS NUMBER AGAIN!"

*click*

Amber slammed the phone back onto the coffee table and threw the blanket over her head as if it would protect her. When the phone didn't ring within the next ten seconds, she cautiously peeked out from beneath the blanket, her nose being the only thing visible. She slightly resembled a hedgehog.

The phone remained quiet. Amber sighed in relief and lay down on her back. _Seeing Redd _was laying front cover first on the floor, looking like a mistreated and forgotten friend. Picking it up, Amber cast one last glance at the phone and opened the book to the first page.

The first chapter was quickly read and so was the second. She was well on her way into the fourth chapter when the phone rang again.

Amber swiped it up in one fluid motion and pressed it to her ear. "Listen you yellow-skinned wacky man, I have no intention of hooking up with you so go get measured for a new straitjacket!"

"Um… I was calling to ask if you'd like to participate in a survey…," a timid voice replied.

Amber's anger vanished once she realized it had been misfired. "Oh… um. Geez, I'm sorry; I-!"

"I'll take you off the callers list, ma'am." *click*

Well, that was one way to get taken off a telemarketers call list.

Amber gently put the phone down and gritted her teeth with regret. "Sorry," she whispered at it, as if the person could still hear her.

It didn't take very long for Amber to resume her reading. She got through two more chapters when the phone rang.

"Stop calling me, people!" Amber shouted at the device before picking it back up.

"Hello?"

"Is Ambuh der?" asked a ghetto voice.

"Uh… this is she."

"Oh heeeey, Ambuuuuh," the voice greeted, happily. Amber was having a hard time discerning if it was a man or a woman.

"H, hi," Amber replied, trying to sound cheerful while at the same time trying to place a face with the voice. They sounded as if he or she knew her.

"Ambuh do you know who dis is?" he or she asked after hearing the confusion in Amber's voice.

"Uh, I have to say sorry, but no."

"Aw, guurl! This is yo mother!"

Amber's eyebrows lifted as high as they could go. "My mother?" she repeated, stifling a chuckle.

"Yeah, gul."

"I'm afraid you've got the wrong number and Amber, ma'am." She thought she heard some muffled snickers in the background.

"Why you say that?"

"_Uuuh; because my mother's not black," _Amber thought. Of course she wasn't going to say that to the lady. That would have just been rude.

"Well, are you calling for an Amber Johnson?"

"_That ought to straighten things out," _Amber thought to herself.

"Yeah, yeah; Ambuh Johnson."

"_Ooookaaaay; maybe not."_

"Ma'am, I'm pretty sure you have the wrong number," Amber said as politely as possible. The situation was kinda beginning to get uncomfortable.

"Dis iz the right numbah. I know it iz. Ambuh, this iz yo mother."

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but you're not."

"Ambuuuuh!"

Amber quickly disconnected the call. She felt bad. Really she did. But that woman was obviously confused and was also most likely mentally unwell if she couldn't recognize her own daughter's voice.

She brushed it aside and settled onto the couch, book reopened to the last place she had stopped.

_RIIIIIIING!_

"Don't answer it," she told herself.

_RIIIIIING!_

"Don't answer it."

_RIIIIING!_

"I'm not here."

_RIIIIIIIIIIING!_

"There is no such thing as phones…."

_!_

"Hello?"

"… Is Ambuh der?"

"No she's not!"

*click*

_!_

_RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!_

"Away from me, foul and evil thing!"

_!_

Okay. That was it. This was war.

Amber calmly got up from the sofa and grabbed the phone. She didn't answer it; she let it continue to ring. She walked to her radio and adjusted the volume to near full blast and picked just the song she wanted to play. Amber fast forwarded to the chorus and paused the song. The phone was still ringing.

"You asked for it," Amber muttered in a dark tone.

She pressed the phone button to answer the phone and placed the talk piece flush against the radio speaker just as she hit play. The music blared out, rattling the shelf the radio sat on.

"_**STOP CALLIN'  
>STOP CALLIN'<br>I DON'T WANNA THINK ANYMORE;  
>I LEFT MY HEAD AND MY HEART ON THE DANCE FLOOR!<br>STOP CALLIN'  
>STOP CALLIN'<br>I DON'T WANNA TALK ANYMORE;  
>I LEFT MY HEAD AND MY HEART ON THE DANCE FLOOR!<br>EH, EH, EH, EH, EH, EH, EH, EH, EH, EH, EH  
>STOP TELEPHONIN' ME, EH, EH, EH, EH!"<strong>_

Amber pressed the stop button on the radio at the same time she hung up on the caller. Her own ears were throbbing and she was pretty sure that if anyone had tried to speak to her at that moment she wouldn't have heard a thing.

She jimmied her pinkie finger into her left ear and grunted. "So much for a restful night."

…

Over in Arkham, the Joker, Nigma, Crane, and Harvey were gathered at a round table that had a cord phone in the employees' break room. The room was empty of staff and the Joker had broken himself and the other boys out of their cells for some In-House Fun as he called it.

And the entertainment for the night? Prank calling Nurse Amber Johnson.

The Joker was wiggling his pinkie in his ear and wincing.

"Gah! Didn't she bust her own ear drums?" he whined.

Crane, Nigma, and Harvey were too busy laughing to answer the Joker. They'd heard the music blare out from the ear piece just as clearly as if they had a radio in the room with them.

"I think she's mad now," Nigma snickered.

Crane tried to keep his composure but he too couldn't help but let a few chuckles out. "Yes, ahem," he cleared his throat. "Yes, I do believe we've given her a good reason to develop telephobia."

"Did you just make that up?" Harvey asked.

"No. It's an actual fear."

"I don't believe you."

"But it's true!"

"I think you're making it up! It's too simple of a word!"

"But it's real!" Crane said, adamantly.

"I think you just made it up! Joker, don't you think Crane's making it up?"

"What?" the Joker yelled, tugging at his deafened ears.

Harvey leaned forward and raised his voice. "Tell Crane he's making up phony terms for fears!"

"I am not!"

"Sssh! All of you!" the Riddler hissed. "You're going to wake up the guards!"

"Whaaaat?" the Joker shouted, still suffering from the after effects of loud music.

Harvey raised his voice a notch louder as he spoke to the Joker. "He said, 'that we're gonna wake the guards'!"

"Quiet!"

"Who's gonna wake what?"

Nigma let his head fall onto the table. Imbeciles; he was surrounded by imbeciles. He peeked out at Crane. As if sensing his thoughts, the former psychiatrist cocked an eyebrow at the Prince of Puzzles.

Well, except for Crane.

"Would you stop shouting?" Nigma shushed.

"But he can't hear me," Harvey stated, plainly.

"Then why not write it down on paper?" Crane offered with sarcasm dripping from his words.

Harvey got up and knocked over his chair. "SSSSHH!" Crane and Nigma hissed.

The Joker looked around as if something small had been tossed at him and he'd lost sight of it. "Is there a snake in here?" he asked.

Nigma face palmed his forehead and moaned.

Harvey headed for the supplies cabinets and noisily opened the doors, banging them against the other doors.

"Harvey, would you _please_-?"

"What?"

"Be more quiet?"

"What?"

"SIT DOWN!" Nigma shouted.

Harvey instantly sat on the floor.

"Is somebody in there?"

All four men tensed up. The door opened and Lyle Bolton walked inside, his ever present glare greeting them.

"I knew I heard somebody in here."

Nigma became the centerpiece of the Joker, Crane, and Harvey's glares. He gave an exasperated "What?" motion with his hands and rolled his eyes. It was always the last person to speak who got in trouble.

"Alright you heathens, back to your cells!" Bolton ordered.

"Whaaaaat?" the Joker squawked.

…

The next day when Amber came walking down the High Security hall, she was greeted by the Joker.

"Heeeeey! It's my favorite little pixie!"

"Heeeeey! It's everyone's most hated clown!" Amber greeted back with sarcasm to match his.

The Joker pressed his face against the glass and grinned at her. "I only have one question, Nurse Johnson."

"What is it?"

"Is Ambuh der?" the Joker cackled.

Amber's face was a spectacle to behold. Her eyes flew open wide and her mouth became unhinged. Then her face turned red.

"JOKER, IT WAS YOU THE WHOLE TIME?"

"I gotta bit of a talent at disguising my voice," the Joker boasted, polishing his fingernails against his shirt.

"And the Creeper? Was that you too? Man, that was some sick pick-up lines! And I don't mean that in the good sense!"

"Wait. What-huh? The Creeper? That act stealing plagiarist!"

"I'll take it that's a 'no'."

"First he steals my act, then tries to take Harley, and now my _nurse_? Just wait till I get out of here!"

Amber cocked her head to the side as she watched the Joker begin to throw a temper tantrum.

"_Hmm,"_ she thought. It would seem she'd already gotten her revenge on the clown. And if the Joker _did _make it out of Arkham… she wouldn't exactly be upset if The Creeper disappeared.

"Jack Ryder, you suck!"

**(And just to let you know, this phone call thing actually happened. The whole 'Is Ambuh Der' thing was an actual prank someone pulled on me and I just had to use it. I hope you found it funny just as much as the ones who pulled it on me did. Please leave a review!)**


	13. Shave and a Haircut

**(I'm very sorry that I haven't updated in a long time! College life is demanding, I had to help make costumes and be a dresser for a musical called, **_**Children of Eden**_**; I also have been moving into a new house that was built back in 1914. I'm also on the hunt for a new job that pays me better because apparently you need money to survive in this world. Crazy, right? Anyway, my spare time has been severely reduced and I wish I could say that the updates will be flowing regularly but I can't. I can't even give you a estimation of when my next update will be. I hope you enjoy this chapter though.**

Chapter 13

Shave and a Hair Cut

Less than a week after Amber's "Mother" called her, it was announced that her charges would be getting their hair cut, trimmed, or their beards trimmed or shaved. Unlike the other patients in the asylum, Amber's charges had to have eight guards in the room and the hall. That's what happens when your group happens to be considered the most dangerous of the bunch of loonies in the bin.

Of course, the day before the patients were to get their hair cut Amber happened to take a look at herself in the mirror and saw how long her hair had grown over the past few months. She'd been neglecting to get it cut because of all the insanity that had been going on.

Curiosity got the best of her and she grabbed some measuring tape from her sewing kit – she couldn't sew worth a crap but it was handy to keep around – and stood before her mirror holding the beginning of the tape against the crown of her head and marked where her hair ended. Amber took a look and nearly yelped. Twenty-two inches!

Amber gazed back at her reflection and ran her fingers through her hair in disbelief. Twenty-two inches! She had been keeping it held back in a pony-tail most of the time and the length had never occurred to her.

Amber gathered her hair together and turned so she could see her profile. "Rapunzel, Rapunzel; let down your hair!" She let her hair cascade back down over her shoulders. "Rapunzel… you're getting a haircut."

…

The next day found Amber's charges lined up against the wall, waiting outside the barber's room for their turn. Each were restrained, the Joker more so than the others.

"They're racist against clowns," he muttered.

Everyone was grumbling about having to wait standing in line. Well… everyone except Katelynn Two. She was too busy singing to really grumble or complain.

"_**Alright! You sir, how about a shave?  
>Come and visit your good friend Sweeney.<br>You sir, too sir? Welcome to the grave!**_

_**I will have vengeance.  
>I will have salvation."<strong>_

She was in mid-form of the next lyric when another voice joined her.

"_**Who sir, you sir?  
>No one's in the chair, Come on! Come on!<br>Sweeney's. Waiting. I want you bleeders."**_

And coming around the corner was Nurse Amber Johnson, singing with a very convincing British accent.

"_**You sir! Anybody!  
>Gentlemen now don't be shy!<strong>_

_**Not one man, no, nor ten men.  
>Nor a hundred can assuage me.<br>I will have you!"**_

Katelynn Two clapped her hands giddily. "You know _Sweeny Todd_?!" she squealed.

As an answer, Amber grinned and changed songs. _**"The history of the world, my love."**_

Katelynn Two jumped right in.

"_**Save a lot of graves  
>Do a lot of relatives favors."<strong>_

"_**Is those below serving those up above."**_

_**"Everybody shaves  
>So there should be plenty of flavors."<strong>_

"_**How gratifying for once to know-!"**_

Amber and Katelynn Two both finished together; _**"That those above will serve those down below!" **_

Katherine gave a sarcastic clap, the cuffs clinking as she did so. "Bravo," she said in a dead voice. She'd never been one for musicals in the first place. Especially one with Johnny Depp in it. She was _not _a Johnny Depp fan.

Jervis and Tommy on the other hand were heartily applauding. "Brava! Brava!" Jervis cheered.

The entire time though, the Joker was just staring at Amber… and staring…and staring…and staring. His lips were pursed together and his eyes were narrowed as if he were searching for something.

Amber finally noticed his staring and blinked at him a couple of times. "Can I help you?" she asked, sarcastically.

The Joker must have been _really _distracted because Amber had just given him a great opening for a comeback, but he didn't respond. Instead he said, "There's something different about you. But I can't put my finger on it."

Amber raised an eyebrow. Really? She got five inches of her hair cut and he couldn't tell?

"You're right. There is something different about her," Nigma mused, eyeing her as well.

Katherine didn't take his eyeing very well. "Hey! No ogling!"

"I'm not ogling!"

"Oh yes you were!"

"I was merely trying to discover what is so different about her."

Katherine sniffed haughtily and folded her arms over her chest. "Yeah, that's what you _would _say."

"Kathriiiiiine," The Riddler whined.

Amber shook her head. They really couldn't see that she'd had her hair cut? Phft. Men.

"Alright Crane; you're up," a guard announced. He and another guard removed him from the line and escorted him to the room.

"_**I'm the barber of Seviiiiiiiiiille!  
>Fiiiiigarooo! Fiiiigarooo! Fii-!"<strong>_

"Katelynn, I'll shove that 'figaro' down your throat if you finish it!" Katherine threatened. Katelynn instantly quieted down.

"Did you change your lipstick color?" the Joker asked Amber suddenly.

"Wha? No."

"Eyeshadow?"

"No."

"Base foundation color?"

"You're a guy and you know what that's called?"

"Helloooooo!" The Joker pointed at his own make-upped face. "You think I'm an amateur or something?"

Amber merely stared at his clown painted face and the red lipstick smeared over his mouth. By the way she pursed her lips together the Joker could tell she was holding back a laugh. "Don't answer that," he growled.

"You do realize that they're going to have to wash the make-up to shave you, right?" Amber asked.

"No, Nurse Amber, I had no idea!" he answered with heavy sarcasm. It wasn't his first trip to the barber in the asylum.

"Then why put it on?"

"Why won't you tell me what you did differently today?!"

"Joker, you're next," the same guard who escorted Crane announced.

The Joker snorted and glared at Amber. "I'm not done with you," he told her and let the guards take him out of line. If his hands had been free, Amber had no doubt that the Joker would have given her the, 'I'm Watching You' sign.

Amber leaned against the wall and tried to strike up a conversation with Chelsea. "Sooo, Chelsea, I hear your therapy sessions are going really well… like being considered to be released from Arkham well."

Chelsea grinned. "Yeah. My doctor told me he saw some real improvement in me and was going to bring it up with the board to consider my release."

"That's wonderful, darling!" Jervis cried, giddily.

"Good for you," Tommy said, smiling.

"I knew you'd be the first to leave," Katherine said, moodily. She received a sharp jab in the ribs from Katlyn 1. "Ouch! I mean… I'm happy for you." She frowned at Katlyn 1 as she rubbed the sore spot.

"When will you get an answer?" Amber asked.

"Don't know."

"Nurse Amber."

Amber turned to see one of the guards standing outside of the door.

"We need you to come in with us; the Joker's being very difficult."

Amber sighed and lazily pushed herself off the wall, stomping off to the barber room.

"How long have you been here?" Edward asked Chelsea, resuming the conversation.

"Oh, six years or so."

"Well, if you get out you'll be one of the few who did without escaping, being transferred to another prison, leaving in a body bag, or-," Katherine suddenly trailed off and she stared ahead down the hall. Her blue-grey eyes widened. "Oh sweet merciful Heavens…." She murmured. "Who is _that?" _Everyone turned their heads to look at who she was referring to.

**[*Cue song: 'You Sexy Thing' by Hot Chocolate*]**

Walking out of the room was one of the sexiest men Katherine had ever seen. Her jaw dropped and she began to fan herself. "Oh my gaaaaah!" she squealed. Katlyn 1 raised her eyebrows at her friend, but couldn't blame her. If the man looked this good from a distance, how good did he look up close?! Where did he come from anyway?

"So much for your fan girl, Edward," Harvey Dent chuckled.

"Heh heh, heh- very funny." But Edward was feeling jealous.

Suddenly Nurse Amber appeared by the sexy man's side. She looked angry. Katherine frowned at that. _"Hey! Don't be mean to that sexy beast!" _she thought.

"Joker, what the heck, man! You didn't have to shave him bald!" Amber shouted at the man.

***Record scratch***

"Whaaaaaaat?!" Katherine screeched.

The Sexy Beast- I mean- The Joker- turned to face Amber, scowling. "Because he tried to wash my face paint off! Do you know how long it takes me to put this stuff on?"

"It can't take that long."

The Joker gave her a look. "Now that's just plain insulting, honey."

Katherine covered her eyes. "Eeeeew! Eeew! Eew! Eew! That's no incredibly sexy beast! The incredibly sexy beast is a lie! Ah! My eyes! My eyes! Unclean! Unclean! Oh Mr. Riddler, please forgive my unfaithful thoughts!"

The whole group was watching Katherine's freak out session with utter amusement. "And now my fan girl's back," Edward said to Harvey.

"Ugh!" Katherine slapped herself in the face. "What has been seen cannot be unseen!"

By now Amber and the Joker's attention was drawn to Katherine. "What's wrong with her?" Amber asked Crane.

"She thought the Joker was a handsome stranger. Though her words were, 'a sexy beast.' And now I must beg you to not interrupt my observation of Androphobia."

"Andrewwhat?"

"Androphobia! The fear of attraction to men!"

"This isn't exactly a case of Androphobia, doc. This is more like scarred for life."

"It buuuuuuurns!"

The sound of a throat being cleared caused Katherine to stop in mid-freak out and look up from her fetal position on the floor. The Joker stood before her with his head cocked to the side and a raised eyebrow. Katherine gazed at him in awe.

"_Oh my gosh… he's like a sun god! No! Bad Katherine!"_ She looked up at him again and felt her jaw begin to drop. _"It should be illegal to look that hot and be so criminally insane! … But … he's sooo sexy! Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on him?"_

"Eh, Squirt? Would you mind not staring at me like that? It's really disturbing."

Katherine's smile vanished. _"Nope. Not gonna happen!" _

"Run awaaaaaaaaaay!" Katherine wailed and leapt up from her spot on the floor. But her running didn't really look like running due to the fact that both her arms and legs were restrained. It resembled something more along the lines of a penguin waddle.

Harley watched Katherine's receding figure. "Huh… She does that waddle better than Mr. Cobblepot."

Of course everyone burst into laughter after that. Amber forced herself to stop laughing and wiped a tear from her eye. A thought suddenly occurred to her. "Oh no! I better catch her before a guard does and tazors her!" Amber took off after Katherine.

"Oh let her go! The pain only lasts for a few hours! HA HA HA HA HA HEE HEE HA HOO HOO HA HA HA!" The Joker's laughter dwindled down until he was quiet. He licked his lips and cocked his head to the side as he watched her run. "Really, what is different about her?" he asked aloud.

"Maybe it's new jewelry?" Edward suggested.

"She wears the same hieroglyphic necklace and the same purity ring every day! And I've seen just about every pair of earrings the girl owns and those weren't new!"

Edward and the others were silent. "You know she wears a purity ring?" Edward commented.

The Joker rolled his eyes. "Well duh! The girl wears it every freakin' day! It's never off her finger! Of course I'm gonna notice what kind of ring it is!"

"How the heck do you know what a purity ring is?" Poison Ivy asked him.

"Does it matter?! What matters right now is that there is something different about Amber today and I can't figure it out!" the Joker huffed and pouted.

"Hmmmm. I think there's something going on herrrreee," Katlyn 1 sing-songed.

"There better not be!" Harley snapped.

"There isn't, cupcake. I promise!"

"Last time you promised me something I ended up falling out a window."

"Eeeeeh. Yeah. Sweetie pie, there is nothing going on here. Truuust meeee." The Joker flashed her a winning smile.

"Oh Puddin'!" Harley squealed. She gave him a big kiss on the cheek.

…

Amber finally caught up to Katherine and was leading her back to the others when she caught sight of Dr. Arkham talking with another man in an adjoining hall. He glanced up and saw Amber. "Oh, Nurse Amber! Please come here!" he called.

"I can't, Dr. Arkham. I've got to get Katherine back with the rest of my group and-."

"It will only take a moment. Please."

"As long as it puts off seeing Mr. Giggles a little longer," Katherine muttered.

_Amber sighed and walked with Katherine over to the two men. Upon seeing the man Dr. Arkham was_ talking with, Katherine promptly gave him a once over and nodded. "Now _he's _cute. Unlike a certain _someone_."

The man's blue eyes widened in mild surprise. "I beg your pardon?" he asked, his accent clearly British.

"I'm sorry. You'll have to excuse her, Mister….?"

"Fitz. Bernard Fitz." He extended his hand out and Amber shook it. She did have to agree with Katherine; Dr. Fitz was a cutie. Blond hair, blue-eyed, borderlining six feet tall, smooth shaven, BRITISH… yep.

"Dr. Fitz is here to supervise you and your charges for a while."

Amber's brow wrinkled. "Supervising? Am I … Am I in trouble?"

"Oh no, no, no, no, no!" Dr. Arkham hastily assured her. "He's here to merely witness and record your methods of dealing with the patients so he can report them to other asylum boards."

Dr. Fitz smiled at Amber. "Your treatment of these patients has attracted some attention, Nurse Amber. The fact that some positive results are showing in one of your patients-."

"Oh you must mean Chelsea!" Amber said with a grin.

"Er.. yes. The patient."

Amber's grin faltered a bit.

"There are also some results showing for the others patients as well in their attitudes. It's rather impressive since you're merely a nurse and not a doctor or psychiatrist."

"_Watch it, buddy. I studied in psychology too," _Amber thought, bitterly. She had picked up on the hidden meaning in Dr. Fitz's words. Dr. Fitz wasn't looking so hot anymore.

Apparently Katherine's opinion of Dr. Fitz had changed as well. She'd caught the insult too. Katherine narrowed her eyes at Fitz as if she were examining him. "Hm. I thought that the nurses were the ones who did all the work and the doctors just sit on their lazy butts."

Amber had to bite down on her bottom lip to keep from snickering. Dr. Arkham and Fitz were not very amused. "Uh, I believe you were on your way to somewhere?" Dr. Arkham remarked.

"Yes, I was."

As she and Katherine turned to go, Dr. Arkham furrowed his brow and called out to her again. "Uh, Nurse Amber?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Is something different about you today?"

"I got my hair cut."

"A HAIR CUT! That's what it is? Ha! I found out before the Joker! Yes!"

…

"AMBER GOT A HAIR CUT!" Katherine announced once the group was in sight.

"GAAAAH! Really? It was a haircut?!" The Joker whined.

"'Fraid so," Amber replied.

"Aaaand we've got a stuck up doctor checking out, Nurse Amber."

"Whoa-what?!" Amber yelped. "He was not checking me out!"

"Were you looking at him the _entire _time?"

"…No."

"See?"

"There's someone checking out Amber?" Harley repeated.

"Yep. He's cute too."

"But a complete snob. Practically insulted me to my face in front of Dr. Arkham. He's going to be observing our group and report how I attend to you guys."

"He'ssss uh, attractive?" the Joker repeated.

"Yeah. But really stuck up. Not my type at all."

"Well he sure thinks you're cute. I wouldn't be surprised if he asked you out soon."

The Joker smirked. _"We'll see about that." _


	14. Close Encounters of the Weird Kind

**(Hello, Dear Readers! This update is a bit of a birthday present to a reviewer who asked if I could possibly update another chapter on her birthday. Happy birthday The Amethyst Eyes! **

Chapter Fourteen

Close Encounters of the Weird Kind

Someone was going to die. Plain and simple. Someone was going to die. And that someone would be whoever it was that had put her in this predicament.

Amber scowled ahead, refusing to look at the man behind her. She stood with her arms crossed over her chest and her back to him. The man also had his back to her, but there was no frown on his face. Nope. He had a permanent smile. Their backs were touching each other, practically fused together. The reason for their close proximity? They were stuck in a closet. A very _small _closet.

Amber had been escorting the Joker from Art Therapy to his cell after causing a disturbance.

"What's that?" the Joker had asked, sincerely curious, when he had spotted something dangling from within an open hallway closet.

Amber and the Joker had walked over to the closet and saw a note was hanging on a string from the ceiling. Amber and the clown both stepped inside to read the note.

"Enjoy the privacy?" Amber read with confusion.

_SLAM! *click*_

Amber and the Joker's backs went stiff at the sound they'd heard come from behind them and the sudden disappearance of light. Amber blinked in the darkness. "Did the door just…"

"Yep."

"Crap."

And of course this particular closet happened to be located in a hall that hardly anyone came by. Amber shuffled around and felt for the door knob. She twisted it around but it remained locked. "Okay, whoever this is, you have about five seconds to open this door! One!… Two!…Three!...Four!…Five!" Amber tried to work the knob again but it still hadn't changed.

"Open the door!"

"Well it could be worse," the Joker chuckled.

Amber froze when she remembered who she was stuck in the closet with. Her eyes widened and she began to bang on the door. "Open up! Open up! Open up!" she cried rapidly.

Outside of the door, three people were snickering as quietly as they possibly could. Katherine and Katlyn 1 watched as The Riddler shook his head and mouthed the word, "No," as an answer to Amber's pleas.

Katherine leaned in to whisper in Katlyn 1's ear. "This should help them see their hidden feelings for each other."

"Denial is a strong thing, but it's bound to be broken eventually," Katlyn 1 whispered back.

"Hey! Get your hands off of me!"

"I didn't mean to grab you; I meant to try finding the door knob!"

"Sure you were."

"I _was_!"

"And you think _you _can open the door after I just tried?"

"Well, it's worth a shot, hon. You could just be unable to turn the knob properly."

_SMACK!_

"Ouch! What was that for?"

"For being you!"

Edward smiled and faced his two girls. "Well," he said in a low voice, "as much as I would love to stick around and see how this turns out, my wiser side tells me to leave while I still have the chance. I suggest you do the same."

The girls nodded and all three turned and ran from the closet.

….

Now it had been ten minutes and the two were facing opposite sides, backs to the other. The Joker had felt along the walls and found the light switch. The single bulb only provided a dim glow in the room, but enough for them to see.

The Joker giggled and tried to crane his neck around to look at the young nurse behind him. "Sooo, uh, I guess you weren't planning for that to happen, hm?"

Amber continued to glare ahead but she stabbed an index finger in the air to emphasize her words. "I swear if you go off on a 'People should never make plans' rant, I will strangle you with my bare hands."

The Joker pursed his lips. "You knooow… if anyone unlocks that door and sees us like this, they could get the wrong impression," he sing-songed.

Amber scoffed. "Riiiiiight. Us facing opposite directions will definitely spark rumors."

"Well then maybe we should do this the right way, huh?" The Joker immediately turned while he was still speaking and placed his hands on Amber's hips, twisting them until her body now faced his. He gave a grin and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Ew! No!" Amber yelped and beat him on the head. "Sicko!" She yanked his hands off her hips and promptly turned back around to facing the opposite direction.

"You really know how to hurt a guy," the Joker playfully whined, rubbing the top of his head.

"You're a big boy, you can handle it."

The Joker moved to roll his eyes dramatically but paused in mid-motion, his eyes fixed on the ceiling. The ceiling had an unscrewed air duct. He tongued his scars for a moment and then looked at Amber with a calculating gaze. "What size are you?" he asked.

Amber slightly turned her neck to look at him. "What?"

"What size are you?"

"Why do you want to know what size I-?"

"Oh could you just answer a question instead of repeating it for once?" The Joker sighed with frustration and placed his hands around Amber's waist. Once again, Amber began to beat him.

"What are you doing?!"

"Stop that! I'm trying to see if you're the right size!"

"The right size for what?" Amber slapped at his hands.

The Joker growled and tilted her head up to the air duct. "For that."

"Oh."

The Joker placed his hands around Amber's hips once more and whistled. "A few inches thinner and I think my hands could completely encircle your hips, Sweet Heart."

"That's enough talk about my hips."

The Joker did his best to keep the space between his hands the same as he transferred them from Amber's hips to the air duct. It looked like she'd be able to squeeze through. The Joker then did the same to himself and grinned when he also found he could fit.

"Alright, Ambs." He made a cradle with his hands and readied himself to lift Amber to the air duct. "I'll boost ya."

"Uh, no."

"What do you mean no?"

"If I go first, that means you'll be behind me."

"Yeaaaaah. So?"

"I don't want to hear comments about my backside the entire time we follow this thing to wherever it goes."

"Kind of flattering yourself there, aren't you?"

"No; it's just the sort of thing you'd do."

"Well how do I know you won't do the same if _I _go first, hm?"

"Oh _please._"

"Hey, I happen to be rather fetchy."

They argued back and forth until finally it was decided that Amber would go first anyway. Amber stepped into the foothold the Joker made with his hands and used the momentum he gave her to pull herself into the air duct.

The Joker giggled. "Well your hips don't lie," he snickered, seeing that his measuring had been correct. He used a rickety shelf as a ladder and squeezed in behind Amber. "Okaie-dokie. Onward!" he said, dramatically.

Amber and the Joker crawled practically on their bellies in the narrow passage and were about two minutes in when the Joker opened his mouth. "You know, Amber… maybe you should flatter yourself a little more often."

_SMACK!_

"Geez!"

Amber smirked. There was an upside to being in front. She could kick the Joker's face if he got too fresh.

….

"Could you speed up? You're blocking traffic," the Joker complained.

Amber grunted and held her tongue. They had been crawling for thirty minutes and she was getting tired of dragging herself at the fast pace the Joker was forcing her to do. If she slowed down, she had the unpleasant feeling of the Joker trying to crawl over her.

"Just let me rest for a second, okay. Some of us haven't escaped from Arkham by the air ventilation before and aren't used to it."

"Hey I only did that a couple of times."

"Whatever."

Amber paused to catch her breath and laid her head down on the metal. The Joker was strangely quiet. Amber tiredly shifted to be on her side and look at him. "You still back there?"

He was. But he didn't answer. He was staring at her. He was staring at her in a way that she couldn't read and that wasn't good news. "Uh… Joker?" Still nothing.

"Have you ever had a boyfriend, Nurse Amber?" he asked suddenly.

Amber literally leaned her head back in surprise at his question. This made her slightly resemble 'The Dramatic Hamster'. "Why are you asking me that?"

"That's a 'no' then."

"I didn't say that."

"No but your body did."

Amber glared and pointed a finger at him. "I told you to leave my body out of this."

"No, you said 'hips'." The Joker grinned cheesily and then went serious again. "You flinch every time I touch your hips and it's not just because it's _me_ that's touching you, it's because you're not used to that kind of touching."

Amber blinked at the Joker's correct deduction. He figured that out and he was insane? Amber narrowed her eyes at the clown. "Are you sure you're crazy or are you putting on a show?" she asked. The Joker let out a series of wild laughs that echoed throughout the air duct. Amber winced at the volume and sighed. "Nope. He's just crazy and smart," she mumbled and continued to drag herself through the passage.

….

"So this Nurse Amber Johnson is new here?" Dr. Fitz asked Dr. Arkham.

"Fairly new. She's been here for about a year now."

"And would you say that she's a valued staff member?"

"Yes, I would."

"How so?"

"She's … she's very unique. I can honestly say that we've never had someone like Amber work here before."

"She's memorable?"

"Oh yes indeed," Arkham chuckled mysteriously.

Dr. Fitz opened his mouth to ask another question when a rumbling noise was heard coming from the Break Room's air duct. Both doctors looked up at the ceiling and frowned.

"What the bloody-?"

_CRASH!_

A force collided with the screen and sprang it open as two bodies fell to the floor in a heap. Dr. Fitz and Dr. Arkham both stood to their feet in surprise. Amber groaned and tried to breathe but found it difficult to do with the Joker lying on top of her.

"Apparently not all the air ducts stay in the horizontal position," the Joker chuckled and then moaned.

Amber and the clown were oblivious to their surroundings at the moment. She lifted her head and glared at the Joker. "Would you kindly remove your skinny carcass off of my crushed carcass?"

"But I just got comfortable," the Joker whined.

"Joker!"

"Alright, fine."

The Joker stood to his feet with a huff and Amber sat up, drawing in a deep breath of air and finally noticing where she was. Her green eyes landed on the two doctors. Dr. Fitz stared at her with wide eyes and Dr. Arkham calmly sipped at his coffee. "Yep. Very memorable."

Amber got up from the floor and dusted herself off. "I want the feedback of any security cameras that's placed in the Western Hall Section Eight. I want their heads!"

"Watch out boys, she's out for blood," the Joker snickered.

Amber whirled around and jabbed her index finger close to his face. "And youuuuuu!" she continued threateningly. "If you _ever _tell the others about this, I promise there will be an unpleasant surprise in store for you! Mark my words!"

The Joker licked his lips and smiled. "Consider them marked, Sweet Heart."

"Ugh!"

Amber stomped out of the break room.

"Hey hoooooneeeeeey!" the Joker called.

"WHAT?!"

"Forgetting something?"

Amber grudgingly stomped back into the room, grabbed the Joker by his shirt sleeve and dragged him with her so she could finish the job she'd set out to do in the first place; deliver the Joker to his cell. Dr. Fitz watched all this in silence and blinked rapidly once Amber was gone. He looked at the open air duct, the screen that had come unhinged and fallen on the floor, the door where the duo had left by, and then finally at Dr. Arkham.

He pointed at the air duct and tried to form words. "Wha…? Ho…? What just…?"

"Some things concerning Nurse Amber are just better left unexplained," Arkham replied, calmly.

**(I know it was short but it was all I could get in such a short time. I hope this pleased you Amethyst! Happy Birthday again!  
>Readers; please review!)<strong>


	15. House Guest

**(Song in this chapter is 'Let's Go Crazy' by Prince.)**

Chapter Fifteen

House Guest

Dr. Fitz punched in at Arkham Asylum and smiled at the female orderlie that was next in line to punch in. "Hello," he said, softly, his British accent making the word sound even better. The orderlie turned bright pink and smiled back. "How are you this morning?" he asked her, smiling and revealing his teeth. Many a girl had been dazzled by his charming grin.

The orderlie started to answer but was interrupted by someone else's voice singing.

"_**Let's go crazy  
>Let's get nuts<br>Let's look for the purple banana  
>Until they put us in the truck, let's go!"<strong>_

Dr. Fitz looked to the doors in time to see Nurse Amber Johnson waltz in, iPod ear buds in place, and singing a Prince song. Her attention was focused on stuffing her car keys and cell phone into her messenger bag and didn't realize that she had an audience. Dr. Fitz was preoccupied with watching her and didn't see the orderlie leave.

"_**And when we do  
>What's it all for<br>You better live now  
>Before the grim reaper come knocking on your door<br>Tell me, are we gonna let the elevator bring us down?  
>Oh, no let's go!"<strong>_

She didn't have a bad voice. He'd even say that it was very good. Not a 'you should be famous with that voice' but one that could probably give her a decent singing career in small show business.

Dr. Fitz continued to listen to her and smiled when Amber's head finally lifted up from her bag and her eyes landed on him. Her singing stopped immediately; like a mute button had been pressed. Her cheeks colored a light red and she removed her ear buds. "I'm usually the only one in here at this time," she explained, sheepishly.

Dr. Fitz chuckled with amusement. "I take it you don't sing in front of people?"

"Unless you count my own reflection or animals. No. My lips zip shut." Amber mimed zipping her lips and turned to her locker.

"Pity. It's rather pretty."

Amber missed the second digit of her combination and sucked in her lips. "Hm. Thanks."

"You don't sound convinced."

"Not really, especially when it's coming from you."

Fitz physically flinched from the sharp comment that seemed to have come from nowhere. He had judged her to be a very nice girl when it came to socializing with people of sound minds. "Why is that?"

"Oh, maybe it's because you insulted me the first time we met?" Amber asked with some sarcasm creeping into her voice.

"Insulted?"

Dang that accent made him sound so sexy! Amber opened her locker and transferred her bag from her shoulder to the locker. "You commented on my position. I believe you said," she paused and spoke with a British accent, "'It's rather impressive since you're merely a nurse and not a doctor or psychiatrist.'" An envelope lying on the bottom of her locker caught her eye and she picked it up. She cast a quick glance over it and slipped it into her scrub's pants pocket.

Fitz put on his charming smile and shook his head. "I meant no disrespect. It's just that intelligent nurses are a rare find."

Amber slammed her locker door closed. "Oh, so to cover up the insult you said to me you insult the intelligence of all the other nurses to get on my good side?" she snapped.

"I meant-."

"I gotta go, Dr. Fitz. I'd say it was nice talking to ya, but…" She shrugged and walked away.

Dr. Fitz stood in the employee room alone and stunned. "Erm…. What just happened?"

…

"Ugh! Sexy, British guy. Jerk. Smug faced-pretty boy," Amber growled as she stormed down the hall. She shoved her hands into her pockets and felt the envelope. She had almost forgotten about it. Pulling it out, Amber once again glanced over the envelope to see if there was anything written but found nothing. "Hm… what if…?" It had been a few months since her last 'Mysterious Letter'. Maybe this was another one of those? Amber couldn't help but grin as she tore open the letter and began to read.

"_Amber,  
>Hard to believe this is the same girl who was trembling with fear when she first came. You've shown such improvements ever since then. It's very nice to have someone as lovely as you working in a place as dreary as Arkham. You radiate with a glow that is soothing to all you meet. I'm still watching you with, eager to see what you'll do next."<em>

Amber folded the letter in half. It was still the same. Not exactly a love letter but very nice. Although, that last bit, 'I'm still watching you,' was kinda… creepy. Amber shook it off and continued walking down the hall towards her awaiting patients.

…

"_**Let's go crazy  
>Let's get nuts<br>Let's look for the purple banana  
>Until they put us in the truck, let's go!"<strong>_

The Joker was beating invisible drums as he lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling. He was currently occupying himself by singing Prince's song, "Let's Go Crazy." It was also annoying the other patients.

"You are singing badly on purpose, Joker! I _know _you can sing decently! _I've __heard __you!_" the Riddler yelled. The Joker paused only long enough to snicker and continued singing.

"It is getting a little annoying," Chelsea said. All heads snapped in the direction of her cell.

"Did she just say what I think she said?" Two-Face asked.

"Hallelujah; she's seen the light!" Katherine cheered.

Crane adjusted his glasses and moved closer to the glass wall to see Chelsea. He looked her over and smirked. "I do believe we have someone who's recovering in our midst."

"You mean she really is getting saner?" Katherine asked.

"One less loony in the bin," Harley remarked.

"One less fan in your club, Joker!"

"I still have more than you, Eddie!"

"Shut it!"

The last remark had come from a different voice. Now all heads turned to the hall entrance. Amber was walking in. "Seriously, every time I walk in there's some sort of an argument going on. What on Earth do you guys argue about?"

"Which one of us is going to marry you," the Joker responded without missing a beat. He gave a cheesy grin when Amber looked at him to see if he was being serious. She relaxed once she saw he was joking.

"Without a doubt; Edward," Amber said with a grin.

"Whaaaaaaaa?" the Joker squawked. The Riddler couldn't help being smug but at the same time felt surprised. Katherine and Katlyn 1 looked about ready to murder Amber.

"But _baaaaby,_ I thought we had somethin' _special_," the Joker whined.

"What this 'somethin' _special_'?" Harley hissed.

"Heel, Harl. Joker's only kidding," Ivy assured.

"Kidding, joking, or whatevah; I don't like it."

"Amber marry Caleb?" Caleb asked, pressing his face against the glass of his cell.

Amber chuckled and smiled at him. "Maybe. I wanna wait a few years before I do something that big." Her answer satisfied Caleb enough. He went back to sitting on his bed and playing with the wrinkles in the bed sheets.

"Well, I can't really blame her for choosing Mr. Riddler. I mean- look at him." Katherine motioned towards the Riddler's cell. "He's a hunk." Edward's smug grin practically blinded everyone.

"Watch out, Eddie. Your head's going to get so big it'll explode," the Joker warned, snickering.

"If it ever does it'll be because you put a bomb in it."

The Joker only responded with snickers and giggles. Amber leaned against the wall as she waited for security to arrive and help her escort the patients to wherever they were scheduled to go.

"Speaking of marriage… has Dr. Ditz popped the question yet?" Katherine snickered.

"It's Dr. **F**itz; and there is nothing going on."

The Joker muttered something under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Hm? Nothing."

"it sounded like he said something like, 'Not good enough,'" Ivy said.

"Eaves Dropper," Joker snapped.

"What's not good enough, Joker?" Jervis asked.

"Nothing-nobody."

"I think he said 'He's not-,'" Ivy continued.

"Shut up, Vegan!"

"But Mistah J, what did you say?"

"Nothing! Forget I said anything!"

"Easily done," Katherine said, happily.

"Nurse Amber," a guard called from down the hall.

"Oh thank God," Amber mumbled. She pushed herself off the wall and nearly flung herself back against it when she saw that Dr. Fitz was with the guards. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to observe. Is that a problem?"

"He's a Brit?" The Joker scoffed.

"Ah, you must be the infamous Joker."

"I regret nothing."

"Do you really?"

"Yep," Amber and the Joker answered simultaneously. The Joker waggled his eyebrows at Amber. "Finally thinking on the same page as me, Sweet Heart?"

"Nope," Amber said in a teasingly sweet voice.

Dr. Fitz could only blink at their exchange of banter. Any other nurse would have been terrified or a doctor for that matter, Fitz himself was uneasy around the clown, but not Amber. She actually seemed at ease among this group of psychotic criminals.

Fitz felt a pair of eyes staring at him and he turned his head to look to the glass wall to his right. Katlyn 1 was glued to the glass, ogling him with big eyes. "What a hunk!" she exclaimed.

"Nuh-uh! No!" Katherine snapped, bagging her fist against her own glass wall as she craned her head to look at Katlyn's cell. "No! Katlyn! We don't like him!" she reminded her friend.

Katlyn 1 whined and pointed at the startled doctor. "But look at the pretty!" she wailed.

"No! That man is a No Go!"

"But Katheriiiiiine-!"

"Do you want to be banished from The Riddler Club? Do you?!"

All the while, Fitz watched Amber and the guards remove the patients from the cells and put their restraints on. Amber looked so nonchalant. How could she be like that? When it came time for Katlyn 1 to be taken out of her cell, Fitz took a nervous step behind a guard and looked at Amber. "Is it at all possible to make extra sure she can't escape?"

"Aaaw; is the Pretty Boy afraid his good looks are too much of a problem?" Amber asked in a baby voice. The Joker cackled at her jab and grinned madly at the doctor. Fitz ran a hand through his blond curly hair and looked away from the Joker.

Once all the patents had been restrained, Amber looked at their schedule and tapped her left foot to a beat only she could hear in her mind. "It says here that you guys are scheduled for some rec time outside."

"Yea! Outside!" Katlyn 1 cheered, jumping up and down and causing Fitz to be nervous at how well she was able to move in her restraints.

Amber noticed his nervousness and rolled her eyes. "Oh calm down, doctor. It's not like she's gonna jump ya."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Please, I have self-restraint," Katlyn 1 said, clearly insulted.

"It just depends on when you decide to use it," Amber chuckled. Katlyn 1 stuck out her tongue and Amber stuck out her own in friendly retaliation. "This way, people," Amber called to her patients, motioning forward.

They followed her to the outer grounds and waited to have their hands and/or feet freed. "Okay, everyone, who knows how to play Red Light, Green Light?"

The Joker scoffed. "Oh please! Everyone knows that game. You go when it's green and keep going when it's red."

"Eh, no. You stop on red."

"Well that's not how I drive."

"I figured."

Amber drew a line in the dirt with the toe of her shoe and stepped back. "This is the starting line. Everyone step up."

"Do we win a door prize if we do?" Harvey asked, sarcastically. A few others chuckled as well. Amber could tell they weren't too crazy about playing this childish game.

"Look, I know you're all mostly adults here, but you can ether play this game or Red Rover."

"Red Light it is!" Harvey answered quickly.

"Why can't we play Hide and Seek?" Harley asked.

"Oooh! That'll be fun. You girls can hide and us boys can seek," the Joker said, his tone hinting at the innuendo while he looked at Harley and threw a glance at Amber.

"You just threatened Nurse Amber!" Dr. Fitz cried out, catching the sneaked glance.

"Moi?" the Joker asked, dramatically.

"Dr. Fitz, he does that all the time," Amber told Bernard.

"Then he should be thrown into Isolation!"

"He's the Joker, Dr. Fitz. You learn what to take serious and what to brush off. Now if you would please be quiet so we can play our game?"

Dr. Fitz held his pen tightly in his hand as he fought to hold back some remarks. "Very well," he seethed.

"Line up!"

The patients stood at the start line as Amber walked out a decent distance from them. She looked at the guards to make sure they were on alert for anything that might happen. Since the patents were dangerous, Amber was going to have to forgo the rule of having her back turned during the game and face them head on.

"Alright. Are we ready?"

"Yes!"

"Okay… Red light!"

Jervis and Tommy had lunged forward and jumped back once they realized she had tricked them. "Sorry, boys, you're out."

"Aaw," Tommy whined and went to join his cousin sitting on the ground next to Guard Titus.

"Gah haha ha ha ha!" the Joker laughed.

"Be a good sport, Joker," the Riddler said.

"There's nothing good or sport-like in me, Eddie."

"So I've noticed."

"What's that supposed to me Twig Boy?"

"I outta-!"

"Green light!"

"Hold that thought, Eddie!"

Everyone dashed forward as fast as they could towards Amber. She counted silently to five and shouted, "Red light!" They all stopped on a dime. She couldn't determine if anyone had stopped too late. "Okaaaay… green light!"

The mad dash started again only to be cut short when Amber yelled out for red two seconds later. This time Chelsea didn't stop in time. "Chels, yer out."

"D'aw gone it!" She plopped to the ground with a huff next to the Tetchs.

"Green light! Red light!"

Caleb and Harvey had already pushed themselves into a run when the red light came. They stumbled and were called out. The game continued until it was only the Joker, Riddler, Katherine, and Crane. They were all about twenty feet from Amber, except the Joker and Edward; they were around fifteen feet. The next call booted Crane and Katherine from the game. Now the Joker and Edward were neck and neck and both were determined.

"…. Green light!"

The Joker and Edward sprang from their spots and nearly tripped over their feet. When they were about eight feet from Amber she called out a red. Both came to an abrupt halt, huffing and puffing for air. "Red light!" Neither moved.

"Ooooh… this just got real," Katherine whispered.

"Green light!"

_WHOMP!_

Amber didn't know how it happened. She didn't even see it coming. All she knew was that after she had blinked, there was a sudden force that propelled her back several feet and a heavy weight was on top of her. She shook her head to get rid of the dizzy vision she was experiencing and looked up into the face of the Joker. "That's one small step for Eddie, and one giant, winning leap for the Clown Prince of Crime!" he hooted. "What now, Mr. Prince of Puzzles!"

Amber was very much aware that he was practically straddling her. "Get… Off."

"What's my prize, Sweet Heart?"

"The prize is that I call off the guards so they don't tazer you!"

The Joker harrumphed and rolled off of the young nurse. "You're no fun."

"Yeah, I'm a fun sucker."

"He just assaulted you," Fitz said, narrowing his eyes at the Joker.

Amber got up and brushed some dirt off her red scrubs. "Fitz… chill."

Fitz blinked and opened his mouth as if to say something, only to have nothing come out. He sighed and jotted something down in his notebook.

"He's a bit of a spaz," Ivy whispered to Harley. Harley giggled.

"Alright, is anyone up for another round or is there a different game you guys want to play?"

"I'm still up for Hide and Seek," the Joker replied.

"Too much of a risk," Amber told him. "You have to keep ya'll in sight."

"Can't have any real fun around here," the Joker muttered.

"We could play tag?" Katelynn 2 suggested. She instantly tapped Katherine and jumped up from her sitting position. "Tag; you're it!" She took off running.

Katherine made no move to follow her. "Katherine, aren't you going to chase her?" Amber asked.

"Why would I want to chase her when she's already running from me?"

Amber made a face that said, "Oh come on."

Katherine folded her arms. "Nope."

"Hey, what's that?" Harley asked, pointing at a piece of paper on the ground. It was near the spot that Amber and the Joker had tumbled.

Amber's eyebrows raised ever so slightly. "Oh…that…um."

"Ooooh! Let's take a look!" The Joker snatched it up and was about to unfold it when Amber grabbed hold of his wrist.

"Don't."

"Why not?"

"Just give it here."

"Ooh. Amber doesn't want me to see what's written inside! How interesting!"

"Darn it, Joker; hand it over!" Amber made a grab for the paper only to have the clown whisk it away.

"What's in this letter you don't want me to see, hm?"

"Nothing that concerns you. Give it back!"

"You two act like teenagers with secret crushes on each other," Fitz scoffed. The remark earned him glares from the Joker and Amber.

"Stay out of this, Fitzy," the Joker snapped.

"Funny you should say that though," the Riddler said slyly to Dr. Fitz. He moseyed over to the doctor with Katherine and Katlyn 1 at his side. "It's obvious to us too."

"Wha-what?" Fitz stammered, swiftly glancing back and forth at Edward and Katlyn 1.

"Those two," Edward continued, pointing two fingers at the Joker and Amber, who was still trying to reclaim her letter.

"Don't make me get a tazer!" she threatened.

"How good is your aim?"

"Ugh!"

Katelynn 2 rejoined the group and saw Amber's struggle. "Are we playing Monkey in the Middle?"

"Yeah, kid, Amber's the monkey. Here!" He crumpled the letter into a ball and tossed it to Katelynn 2. She caught it and let out a whoop.

"Alright! Monkeeeeeey!"

"Katelynn 2, wait! Put that down!"

"Wheeeeeeee!" Katelynn 2 was off again, running in zigzags.

"Katelynn! Katelynn! Katel-ugh. Forget it." Amber's shoulders slumped and she let out a sigh.

Fitz signaled a guard to catch Katelynn 2. The guard had a hard time doing it, but he finally managed to corner the girl and take the paper from her. He jogged over and placed the crumpled letter in Bernard Fitz's awaiting hand. He had a smug look on his face as he gave it back to Nurse Amber. "You have to try a little bit harder, love," he told her.

Amber took the paper and refrained from making a sassy remark back. Instead she thanked him with clenched teeth.

"You should really maintain more control over the patients, Nurse Johnson. Stuff like this wouldn't happen so often if you were a bit more …," he pursed his lips –dang sexy ones too- as if in thought and then offered her a condescending smile, "knowledgeable… about how to handle these kinds of people."

Amber's hands tightened around the paper ball. "Well… they aren't your average patients."

"No. Which is why I'm still confused as to how you were given the position of such a responsibility."

Amber's nails dug into the paper and she bit her lip. "I think it's time for us to move onto your next activity, everyone," she called out.

Dr. Fitz scribbled something in his notes and smiled as he walked back to the building. "What a prick," Katherine said, suddenly appearing next to Amber.

"I couldn't agree more."

"He's a bit of a rude house guest, isn't he," Crane added.

"He's going to be watching you for how long?" the Joker asked.

Amber's shoulders tensed. "I have no idea."

"Well… we should show our 'guest' Arkham's finest hospitality," he chuckled evilly.

"I may not stop you."

"I knew you'd join our side eventually."

"There's no joining… but there might be an alliance developing."

"Have you got any ideas inside that pretty head of yours?"

"Give me a day to think about it and I'll get back to you on that."

The Joker rubbed his hands gleefully. "Oooh, this is going to be fun."

**(Hee hee hee. Got any suggestions of what could happen next? What do you think? Sent me some reviews and let me know! I love you all!)**


	16. Our House

**("It's New Year's right now and all around me neighbors are firing off fireworks close by and it sounds and smells like I'm in the middle of a war zone."  
>*hears a firework shoot into the air next to her window*<br>"TAKE COVER!" *dives off bed and lands with a thud on the floor. She peeks up. *  
>"So anyway, I took the time to write down everyone's suggestions of what they'd like to see happen in my story and I'm going to try to include them all as best I can. I will give credit to the reviewer who suggested the idea at the beginning of the chapter in which I use the idea."<br>*The Joker strolls into My Purple Skies' room.*  
>Joker: "Uuuh… kid, what are you doing on the floor?"<br>Me: "Avoiding the battle. Wanna join?"  
>Joker: "Nope. I'm good."<br>Enjoy this chapter and let me know if you got any ideas, it's always appreciated!)**

**(A special villain appearance by request of ****Someone ****and was seconded by ****Solla****. Hope you like it. I'm afraid I couldn't find very much on hm that would give me a hint as to his personality so I had to kinda 'wing' it. I hope I don't disappoint you two. **

**[The song in this chapter is 'It's Not Unusual' by Tom Jones. It's a really fun song to sing and dance around to like a goof… not that I would know about that.]  
><strong>

Chapter Sixteen

Our House

"Is there anything planned for the patients on New Year's, sir?" Amber asked Dr. Arkham two days after Christmas. She, Joan Leeland, Gatsby, Arkham, and Bernard Fitz were all in the break room enjoying their lunches.

Dr. Arkham cleared his throat after swallowing his microwave heated soup. "Well, uh, no. There isn't."

"Why not?"

"Do you really think they deserve to have anything special planned for them on New Year's?" Dr. Fitz asked.

Amber fought back the smart retort she had on the tip of her tongue. "Yes, Dr. Fitz, I do. My charges have been exceptionally well behaved for the past month and-."

Fitz gave a dry chuckle. "If you call them well behaved, I'd like to see your definition of angelic."

Amber exhaled through her nose and continued speaking. "If the asylum doesn't reward a patient's efforts at good behavior, perfect good behavior- or attempts at good behavior- then why should that patient continue to behave if there is no deference in the way that he or she is being treated? It's just like how you would reward a child for a good grade."

Everyone turned to look at Dr. Fitz to see what his response would be. At the moment, Fitz was blinking at Amber, surprised at her sound reasoning.

"I, uh, I guess I can see some sort of point in that," he finally admitted.

Amber refrained from slapping the table surface and shouting, "Boo-yah! In yo face!" Instead she shared a triumphant grin with Joan and Gatsby.

"So what do you have in mind?" Fitz asked. He pretended to be curious, but he really just wanted to stab a hole in her idea.

"Huh?"

"What ideas did you have? How can they celebrate the New Year?"

"Well obviously no alcohol," Dr. Arkham joked, easing the tension.

Amber gave him a look that said, _"Bless you, Dr. Arkham." _

"We could at least serve them some special foods instead of the normal stuff they have to eat every day. Like what we do for Christmas and Thanksgiving."

"It's not too late to call the asylum's food providers and order something special," Joan said.

"Great!"

Amber's smile was turning into an excited grin that Fitz couldn't help but find absolutely adorable. He hid his smile by covering his mouth with his hand, pretending to be stroking his newly growing stubble.

As he half-listened to the conversation of what to do for the patients on New Year's- he was mostly staring at Amber and wondering what she would look like in a cocktail dress instead of scrubs- Fitz lifted his bottle to his lips and swallowed his water. He grimaced a bit when the water tasted bitter. He looked at it to see if there was anything visible that would cause such a taste but didn't see anything. He wrote it off as the spring that the water company used and decided not to buy any more water from them; … if he'd only looked at Amber while he was checking his bottle. If he had, he would have seen her watching him from the corner of her eye, waiting for him to drink the water. She gave a victorious smile and brought her full attention back to the conversation.

….

It wasn't until Fitz was walking out of a restroom stall and going to the sink to wash his hands that he noticed something very odd about his mouth. He dried the water off his hands and leaned in to inspect his handsome reflection. He smiled at the image and then his eyes widened as he focused on his mouth. His lips, his teeth, his tongue, the gums, everything was purple! How long had it been that way!?

Fitz turned on the faucet and cupped his hands beneath the running water, bringing up handfuls to his lips and sipping a mouthful. He swished the liquid around in his mouth and spat it into the sink. His spit didn't even have leftover traces of the dye used to color his mouth and it had no fading effect!

"No!" he cried, clutching the edge of the sink. "How?" His mind went to the bitter tasting water at lunch. But how could someone have gotten to his bottled water? Well, it was left in there unsupervised until he came to drink it for lunch; anyone could have gotten to it. But only one person came to mind as Fitz glared at the purple ink staining his mouth; The Joker.

A toilet flushed and an employee came up to the left sink beside his. He glanced at him as he washed his hands, curious as to why he was just standing there and staring at his reflection. Fitz jerked his head to look at the employee, glaring. "What are you looking at?" he snarled.

The employee caught sight of the doctor's purple mouth and lifted his eyebrows. He said nothing, just finished washing up and left the bathroom. Fitz threw his own reflection a glare, growled, and stormed out.

…

Amber blinked as she remained seated at a table in the cafeteria, waiting for her patients to finish eating their lunch. But at the moment, her attention –and everybody else's for that matter- was focused on a man that was shouting at the top of his lungs and clutching a flashlight. He would dance around the orderlies who were trying to restrain him and then he'd shine the beam of the light in their eyes.

"Light, light, light! Such an attractive, hypnotizing thing! Many a moth has been drawn to their deaths by bright lights! Ha ha ha ha! But not this one! No, no, no! Not Killer Moth!"

Amber could only stare and blink, her mouth slightly hanging open and her brows drawn together in confusion. Joan slid into the seat next to her, also watching the man with the air of a seasoned asylum psychiatrist. "His name is Drury Walker. He calls himself-."

"Killer Moth," Amber finished. "Is he aware how…" she pursed her lips and then relaxed her face again, "unintimidating that title is?"

"He thinks Killer makes up for it."

"Ah." But all Amber could think of was that scene from _A Bug's Life_.

"_No, Harry; no! Don't look at the light!"_

"_Iii caaan't heeelp iiiit. It's sooo beauuutifuuuul…" *zap!* "GAAAAAAAAAH!" _

"Whoohoo! Earth to Amber," Joan called, waving a hand in front of the younger woman's face.

Amber blinked and shook her head. "Huh? Wha? Sorry, I kinda zoned out there."

"Nurse Amber!" an angry, British voice called from behind her.

Both Joan and Amber turned in their seats and saw Dr. Fitz just as he was briskly making his way around the corner of the table. He stopped in front of Amber, a very ticked off look on his sexy face. Amber had a very mysterious combination of satisfaction, amusement, and feigned innocence on her face.

"Why, Dr. Fitz, what do I owe the pleasure?"

Fitz leaned his tall frame over, palms on the table as he looked Amber in the eyes. "Listen, you little _darling_," he said in a quiet, but very annoyed, tone. "I don't know how he did it, but somehow that clown got ahold of my bottle and-."

"Dr. Fitz, what is up with your mouth?" Amber asked, a little too loudly. It caught her group of patients' attention from their seats two tables over. The Joker slightly stood from his seat to get a better view of Fitz and he grinned at his work. He had suggested poison, but Amber wouldn't agree so he had to down grade his prank on the doctor. Amber was told that the doctor would get pranked but she wasn't told when the Joker would do it so she would remain as uninvolved as possible. The only sign Amber had that the bottle Fitz drank was rigged was the purple smiley face the Joker had drawn on the plastic wrapper.

Dr. Fitz attempted to cover his mouth but gave up and lowered his head closer to Amber. He took a deep breath. "A punishment is required for this action. Now I'll leave you to try explaining to your patients that they will not be participating in the New Year celebration."

The smile that had been on Amber's face instantly vanished. "What?"

"Well," Fitz said as he straightened up and nonchalantly began to smooth the wrinkles out of his doctor's coat, "it's just like you said earlier. Rewards are for those who behave and punishments are for the others who misbehave. And the Joker misbehaved." He turned to go, casting a smug look at the table where the Joker sat. By now, everyone at his table was watching and they had all seen the smile disappear off of Amber's face. Something had change.

Amber stood up from her seat. "How do you know it was the Joker who did that to you?"

Fitz turned back to look at her. He pointed at his mouth. "How does this not say, 'Joker' to you? He practically signed his name. It's the color purple."

"Well maybe it was the only dye color I could find."

Fitz's eyes widened and Joan whipped her head around to stare at Amber. "What?' Fitz asked.

"Amber… you…did that?" Joan asked with surprise.

Amber glanced over Fitz's shoulder at her patients. They were all staring. Could they hear her and Fitz's conversation? "I did. It was just a harmless prank."

"It's down-right humiliating!" Fitz retorted, trying to keep his anger under control. "You know, I was considering asking you out for coffee this afternoon; now I'm not so sure." He had made it sound like it was a big sacrifice he was going to make. "I'll be reporting this to Dr. Arkham." He turned on his heel and left the cafeteria.

Once Fitz was gone, Amber slowly sank back into her seat. "Did you really mess with his water?" Joan asked.

Amber shook her head. "No, it was the Joker…but I knew about it and I didn't want to stop him."

Joan couldn't help but chuckle. "You little sneak. I wish I had thought of that. But…" Joan furrowed her brow. "Why did you take the blame?"

"I couldn't take away their New Year celebration. Especially when I knew about the prank and even encouraged it. It would have been wrong."

Joan let out a breath. "Guuuurl, you are getting too soft for those patients…but it was nice. I don't think Dr. Arkham is going to fire you, but he will probably have to discipline you just to appease Dr. Fitz so he won't go and complain to his supervisors." Joan then laughed and put her chin on her fist, leaning her elbow on the table for support. "But it's really just _awful _that Bernard Fitz isn't going to take you out for coffee," she joked.

Amber shrugged. "Eh. I hate coffee."

Joan's giggles instantly ceased. "We can't be friends anymore."

Amber pretended to gasp and put a hand over her heart like she was hurt. "Joan!" she whispered in fake shock.

"It's unforgivable."

Amber started to slowly, inch by inch, lean closer and closer towards Joan. "But you wuuuuve me," she whined in a childish voice.

"No, no, nope, stop," Joan said, trying not to laugh as leaned in the opposite direction. "Stop it."

"Jooooan, we tha bestest fwiends! You know you luuuuve me," Amber continued to then jumped up, feeling a little brave, and started singing to Joan like a crooner.

"_**It's not unusual to be loved by anyone  
>It's not unusual to have fun with anyone<br>but when I see you hanging about with anyone  
>It's not unusual to see me cry,<br>oh I wanna die."**_

Amber spun in a tiny circle and started snapping her fingers, still singing to Joan as if they were in love.

_**"It's not unusual to go out at any time**_  
><em><strong>but when I see you out and about it's such a crime<strong>_  
><em><strong>If you should ever want to be loved by anyone,<strong>_  
><em><strong>It's not unusual it happens every day, no matter what you say<strong>_  
><em><strong>You find it happens all the time<strong>_  
><em><strong>Love will never do what you want it to<strong>_  
><em><strong>Why can't this crazy love be mine?"<strong>_

By this time her little performance had attracted some attention, especially from Amber's little group. "She's actually really good," Ivy commented to Dent.

"Yeah, real good," Tommy Tetch agreed.

Dent only grunted and slouched in his seat. "I hate musicals."

"Yet you like ballet?" Ivy egged.

"Shut up! That was only once and it was for a girl!"

"_**It's not unusual, to be mad with anyone  
>It's not unusual, to be sad with anyone<br>but if I ever find that you've changed at anytime  
>It's not unusual to find out that I'm in love with you<br>whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh!"**_

"Stop iiiiit!" Joan laughed, trying to hide her face. Amber plopped back in her seat and nearly jumped when she heard scattered applause coming from some of the guards and orderlies. A few patients here and there were also clapping. Now Amber buried her face in her hands, turning bright red. Both Joan and the young nurse laughed.

"Nurse Amber." It was Dr. Arkham. "May I speak with you in my office?"

Amber's smile slowly faded and she nodded. She silently stood and followed Dr. Arkham, passing her patients on the way out. She and the Joker exchanged eye contact before she quickly looked away. When she was gone, the inmates all stared at one another.

"Did she just take the blame for us?" Chelsea asked.

"I think that's what just happened," Katherine answered.

The Joker remained quiet.

"Puddin', did you hear what they were sayin'?"

"Mostly."

"Is that what happened?"

"Yep."

Edward Nigma made a bridge of his fingers and rested his chin on them. "Darling girl, if she remains single much longer I'll start romancing her myself," he commented jokingly.

"The heck you will!" Three voices yelled at once; two of those belonging to Katherine and Katlyn 1, the other belonging to the Joker.

"Amber in trouble?" Caleb asked nervously.

"That's what happens when you associate with criminals," Crane remarked.

"She didn't have to do that-she could have let us take the blame… but why didn't she?" Jervis stroked his chin. "Hmm. 'Curiouser and curiouser.'"

"I know whyyy," Katherine twittered, earning a glare from the Joker. She went on anyway. "It's because she likes you, clown boy."

"Would you just shUUUuuuut UUUp about that?" the Joker snapped.

"Ha ha ha! You sounded funny!" Katelynn 2 giggled.

The Joker eyed her with crazed frustration. "Zip it!"

"I feel kinda guilty. I got this feeling in my stomach," Harley admitted.

"Nah, Harl, that's just the cafeteria food," the Joker chuckled.

Harley frowned. "I'm serious, Mistah J! She stuck her neck out for ya."

"She needs to learn that sticking your neck out for others only results in her head being cut off."

"OFF WITH HER HEAD!" Jervis suddenly shouted, jumping to his feet. He cringed and sheepishly scratched the back of his neck. "Uh…sorry about that. Compulsion, you know."

….

"I'm suspended?" Amber asked incredulously.

"It was the punishment that Dr. Fitz asked for. Due to his position, I had to agree."

"For how long?"

"Three days."

"Three days? All this for a little prank?"

"The damage done to my pride was no little thing," Dr. Fitz said as he just now entered the office. Amber could have throttled him then and there. "I could have suggested a longer period but then…" he gave her his charming grin, "But then I'd be deprived of your charming company, darling."

"Trust me, you're gonna wish you had suspended me for longer when I get back."

"Tsk, tsk, tsk, Nurse Amber. Such spite. Perhaps a few days to yourself will clear your head. When you get back we can discuss why you feel such hostility to me over coffee. Until then, darling." With that, Dr. Fitz left the room.

"I hate coffee!" Amber shouted at the closed door.

"Ahem." Dr. Arkham gained her attention.

Amber sighed. "I have to leave now, don't I?"

"I'm afraid so."

Amber gave another sigh. "You'll make sure my group makes it to that New Year party, right?"

"Of course."

"Thanks."

The young woman turned to go.

"Nurse Amber…"

"Yes, sir?"

"Just between the two of us… that prank… I would have gone with blue."

Amber suppressed a laugh. She gave a firm nod. "Dually noted, sir." She left the office, hiding her smirk from Dr. Fitz as she passed him by in the hall.

"Nurse Amber, Nurse Amber, Nurse Amber," Dr. Arkham chuckled with a sigh. "Most Likely To Be Unforgettable." He picked up his water bottle from his desk and unscrewed the cap. He lifted the bottle to his lips and paused. He lowered the bottle and gave it a long, thoughtful look. He placed the cap back on and threw the bottle away…just in case.

**(So there it is! My New Year chapter. I couldn't get it all done on New Year's Eve ** **like I wanted but I still got it out on New Year's Day! *does a happy dance* I hope you liked it! And as I said before, I love your input and suggestions! I love you all so much! *blows a kiss* Mwah!)**


	17. House Sitting

**(Soooo much college stuff to doooo and I don't wanna do iiiit! I've also got a play I'm going to be in this April. It's called **_**Cyrano de Bergerac**_** and I LOVE it. So that's going to be more on my plate. Which brings me to the Song Suggestion for this chapter; 'Over My Head' by Lit. It perfectly describes my life right now and Amber's current predicament with her job. I also have another song you need to listen to; 'Remains of the Day' by Danny Elfman from **_**The Corpse Bride**_**. I hope you like this chapter.)**

Chapter Seventeen

(House Sitting)

Her name was Jennifer Gilbert, and she had been assigned as Nurse Amber Johnson's substitute while she was on her three day suspension. She was a few years older than Amber, twenty-seven, and had been in nursing longer too. She figured the job would be difficult but nothing she couldn't handle. She had no idea how wrong she was.

**Day One**

**In the Recreation Room**

Harley was amusing herself with braiding Ivy's long, red hair. Ivy didn't mind very much, it kept her friend occupied and she could read her new garden magazine in peace. Well, as much peace as you can get in an insane asylum. She was reading an interesting article on how to prolong the life of roses when she heard…

"You look like Mardi Gras spit up on you!"

"My clothes are colorful!"

"They're a toddler's attempt at dressing up!"

Ivy groaned as the argument between Katherine and the Joker escalated. Ever since Nurse Amber had left the day before, the Joker and Katherine had been going at each other none stop; even during the New Year's party that Amber had 'sacrificed' herself for them to go to.

"Would the two of you please just shut up?" Ivy whined. She _whined_! This is what she was reduced to!

Katherine and the Joker pointed at one another.

"She started it!"

"He started it!"

Crane was sitting in the space beside Ivy, also reading a book. He rolled his eyes and turned a page. "It's no use, Miss Isely."

"I don't see you doing anything," Ivy snapped.

Crane flinched. "Now don't snarl at _me_. I'm not the one getting into an argument over color coordinating clothes."

Ivy heaved a sigh and tossed the garden magazine onto the table in front of the sofa. Harley inspected the braids she'd made in Ivy's tresses and giggled. "Hey, Red; how about I do your hair like that Princess Leia from _Star Wars_?"

Ivy whipped her head around to glare at Harley. It was a silent glare but one that carried its message across. _"DON'T! YOU! DARE!" _Crane did his best to stifle his chuckles but Ivy caught him.

"You think that's funny?" she hissed.

"Honestly?" Crane tried to compose himself… failed. "Yes." He buried his face in his book and received a slap on the arm from Ivy. "Ouch!" he yelped, but still couldn't quite stop his chuckles.

Harley grunted. "Be still, Red, or you're gonna end up lookin' like Leia without me even meanin' to!" Ivy sighed once more and folded her arms over her chest; letting her friend continue playing with her hair.

Chelsea, Tommy, and Jervis were putting a puzzle together. None of them were quite sure what the picture was supposed to be yet. Chelsea squinted at the pieces that were already connected but the image just didn't make sense to her. She huffed and put her cheek in her hand. "I got nuthin'," she confessed.

Jervis was pondering the puzzle as well. "It looks like a bunny."

Chelsea's brow furrowed. She glanced over the pieces again and then looked back at Jervis with a "What the heck?" expression on her face. "How does _this _look like a bunny?"

"Well… does that not resemble a rabbit tail from this angle?"

Tommy and Chelsea craned their necks to look at the incomplete picture from Jervis' angle. After a few seconds, Chelsea shook her head. "I don't see it."

"What do you see?" Tommy asked, picking up two more pieces and seeing if they fit together. They didn't.

"I see a mess."

Both Tetchs chuckled.

"Well it doesn't help any when the asylum loses the puzzle box it was originally in and replaces it with a plain white box!"

The Riddler sauntered over and stood behind Chelsea, scrutinizing the puzzle on the table. "Oh. I've worked this one before."

"Really? What is it?"

"Bunnies."

Chelsea's jaw dropped and Jervis sat up straighter in his seat. The girl looked at him in disbelief and he smiled at her. "Never doubt the Hatter when it comes to rabbits and bunnies."

Chelsea grabbed a couple of colored markers from Katelyn 1 as she was coloring at the other end of the table. "Hey!' Katlyn 1 whined.

Chelsea waved her hand absent-mindedly at her. "You'll get it back in a minute." She grabbed the top of the plain box and set it down in front of her.

"What are you doing?" Katlyn 1 asked.

"I'm going to draw what this puzzle is on the box like a proper puzzle box is supposed to have!" Chelsea then began to sketch a bunny on the lid.

The Riddler chuckled and moved on to sit in the chair across from Two-Face. Harvey Dent frowned as he stared at someone over the Edward's shoulder. "Well look who it is," he said. Of course everyone turned to look. It was Dr. Fitz. He was smiling his million dollar smile and walking towards their group like he wasn't responsible for sending their favorite nurse away for three days.

"I wonder what kind of news he's about to tell us," Nigma said.

"What makes you think he's got news for us?" Harvey questioned.

"Why else would that man come near us?" Edward countered. Harvey shrugged and turned his attention back to the British doctor.

Fitz cleared his throat and gripped the clipboard he held in his hands, tightly. "I have some news to tell you-."

"You're pregnant!" the Joker squealed like a joyful woman. The group snickered as Dr. Fitz's ears turned red; either from embarrassment or anger.

"No," he said firmly. "No, I'm not pregnant."

"Such a shame, doc. Well, you still got time."

Dr. Fitz fixed the Joker with a stare that was probably intimidating to other people but it did nothing but amuse the Joker.

"Uuuh, are you trying to engage me in a staring contest, doc? Cause I gotta tell ya, you won't win going like that."

Fitz gritted his teeth and sighed. _"Get back to the subject, Bernard." _

"Due to Nurse Johnson's temporary absence, you are without a nurse to oversee your activities and giving you your meds. So I took it upon myself to find a substitute for Nurse Johnson until her return."

Everyone's ears perked up at that word. The one word every school student hears that sets off a chemical in their genes and releases wild behavior and mischief. _Substitute_. What kid didn't try and do 'something' to a substitute teacher? Well, these people were no different.

"Amber come back?" Caleb asked timidly.

Dr. Fitz sighed. "No. Not for another two days." _"Didn't I just say that?"_

"Oh… Caleb miss Amber." The young man hung his head. Katherine had a rare moment of sisterly love and put an arm around his shoulders.

Fitz cocked his head at that. Did a mentally unstable patient just say that he _missed _his nurse? "Well… uh… Let me introduce you to your new nurse for the next three days; Nurse Gilbert."

She must have been standing behind him the whole time cause she appeared by stepping to the side from Fitz. The doctor waved his hand with a flourish like he was a magician revealing a magic trick.

The Joker yawned long and loud. "That's…a uuuh…nice trick, doc. But how about I show you a _real _magic trick, hm? I can make that new nurse disappear…"

Fitz visibly stiffened and Nurse Gilbert gulped audibly. The Joker giggled. Fitz turned to Nurse Gilbert and whispered, "If you need any assistance, page this number," he handed her a card with his pager number on it along with security's number.

"Uh, don't I get a walkie talkie?" she asked.

Fitz exhaled through his nose and eyed the group before him. "Unfortunately, Nurse Gilbert, our supply of radios has mysteriously disappeared since yesterday."

The Joker grinned innocently at the two medical personnel. "Now _that _is a magic trick." He giggled with his mouth closed.

Fitz handed Nurse Gilbert another number. "And if you need a different kind of assistance, this is Nurse Amber Johnson's cell phone number."

The Joker jolted straight in his seat. "How did _you _get her number? She hates you!"

Fitz gave him that annoyingly, dazzling grin; showing that he had successfully gotten all the purple dye out of his mouth. "When you're someone of a higher authority in the work place, you're access to information isn't as limited." He gave a wink and turned to go.

"I reeeeeally don't like that guy," the Joker muttered.

"I've noticed," Nigma replied.

Nurse Gilbert inhaled deeply and tucked the cards into her scrub's pants pocket. "Alright, let's get this started…"

….

Amber was in the middle of reading Jules Verne's _Journey to the Centre of the Earth_ when the first call came. She was in the thirty-first chapter when her cellphone vibrated on the coffee table. She frowned at the device. She was lying languidly on the sofa and her cellphone was just out of reach unless she actually moved from her comfortable position.

She reached out her arm towards the phone but couldn't touch it. "Ugh." Amber gave an irritated huff and sat up, grabbing the cellular phone.

"Hello?"

"Miss Johnson?" asked a frazzled woman's voice.

"Yes, this is she."

"I'm Nurse Gilbert; I'm the one who's substituting for you until you get back-."

"Oh, that's nice. Thank you."

"Uh-Yes, ma'am-uh! I have a question concerning one of your charges-."

Amber stretched herself on the sofa and stifled a yawn. "Shoot."

"The one who thinks she's Batman-,"

"BATS!" came Caleb's familiar screech from the background.

"Oh no! Can somebody calm him down?"

"Nurse Gilbert?" Amber called, trying to reclaim the woman's attention.

"Yes?"

"You had a question about Katelynn 2?"

"Yes! Is there a special technique you use to make her stop singing this Ba- vigilante song she's come up with?"

Amber sighed and shifted in her seat. "Just start singing something from _Sweeney Todd_ and she'll stop."

"But… I don't know any _Sweeney Todd _songs!"

"Oooh. Huh… That's not good. Um… How about any songs from _Labyrinth_?"

"What-_Rinth_?"

"_Oh you gotta be kidding me…" _

"Do you know any musical songs?"

"I don't like musicals!"

"What the-! Are you kidding me?! You never saw a Disney movie?!"

"My parents didn't like that so many dealt with magic and sorcery-!"

"Oh for the love of the Phantom of the Opera! Put me on speaker phone!" Amber waited a few seconds for the nurse to do what she asked.

"Okay, it's on speaker, Nurse Johnson."

"Hey, Katelynn 2, can you hear me?"

"Who said that?!"

Yep. She could hear her alright.

"It's me, Amber."

"Nurse Amber?... I don't see you! Where are you?! Are you invisible? You discovered the Cloak of Invisibility, haven't you?!"

"…No. Katelynn, I need you to stop singing the… Is Caleb still there?"

"Yeah, he's curled up in a ball and whimpering."

"I need you to stop singing _That _song, okay?"

"But I looove it sooo much! _**Na na na na-!"**_

"Katelynn! Stop that right now! I got another song for you."

"What is it?"

Amber took a deep breath. She didn't exactly want to do this over the phone but what choice did she have? She started singing, making her voice turn smooth and jazzy.

"_**Hey! Give me a listen you corpses of cheer;  
>Least those of you who still got an ear<br>I'll tell you a story make a skeleton cry  
>Of our own jubiliciously lovely corpse bride!"<strong>_

Katelynn 2 let out a gasp and started singing along.

"_**Die, die we all pass away  
>But don't wear a frown cuz it's really okay<br>You might try 'n' hide  
>And you might try 'n' pray<br>But we all end up the remains of the day!"**_

Amber sat back in her sofa and kept singing into the phone. She could only imagine the look on Nurse Gilbert's face.

"_**Well our girl was a beauty known for miles around  
>When a mysterious stranger came into town<br>He's plenty good lookin', but down on his cash  
>And our poor little baby, she fell hard and fast<br>When her daddy said no, she just couldn't cope  
>So our lovers came up with a plan to elope."<strong>_

"_**Die, die we all pass away  
>But don't wear a frown cuz it's really okay<br>You might try 'n' hide  
>And you might try 'n' pray<br>But we all end up the remains of the day!"**_

She could hear Katelynn 2 singing the, "Yeah, yeah, yeahs," part of the song. It was a good thing Katelynn 2 and Amber shared a love for Tim Burton films.

"_**So they conjured up a plan to meet late at night  
>They told not a soul, kept the whole thing tight<br>Now her mother's wedding dress fit like a glove  
>You don't need much when you're really in love,<br>Except for a few things, or so I'm told  
>Like the family jewels and a satchel of gold;<br>Then next to the grave yard by the old oak tree  
>On a dark foggy night at a quarter to three<br>She was ready to go, but where was he?"**_

_**"And then?"**_

"_**She waited."**_

_**"And then?"**_

_**"There in the shadows, was it the man?"**_

_**"And then?"**_

_**"Her little heart beat sooo loud."**_

_**"And then?"**_

_**"And then baby, everything went black.  
>Now when she opened her eyes she was dead as dust<br>Her jewels were missin' and her heart was bust  
>So she made a vow lyin' under that tree<br>That she'd wait for her true love to come set her free  
>Always waiting for someone to ask for her hand<br>When out of the blue comes this groovy young man  
>Who vows forever to be by her side<br>And that's the story of our own corpse bride!"**_

It was quite on the other end… well she couldn't hear Caleb screaming anymore; she could hear Katelynn 2 singing the ending to 'Remains of the Day.'

"_**Die, die we all pass away  
>But don't wear a frown cuz it's really okay<br>You might try 'n' hide  
>And you might try 'n' pray<br>But we all end up the remains of the day!"**_

Once Katelynn 2 was only humming the song, Nurse Gilbert got back onto the phone, taking it off of speaker. "_How _did you do that?"

"You gotta know what they like."

"…That was a … _mildly _disturbing song."

"…You know nothing about Tim Burton, do you?"

"… Who?"

"Who hired you on as my substitute?"

"Doctor Bernard Fitz."

Oh yeah, she could hear the twitter pated tone in Nurse Gilbert's voice when she said the British doctor's name. It was like the man's sexiness completely masked his snobbishness. She rubbed her eyelids, screwing her face up in frustration. "Dr. Fitz?"

"Yes."

"Uh-huh… Nurse Gilbert, good luck."

"Thank you. I think that will be all."

Amber nearly busted out laughing. She held it in until she got off the phone. "God love her!" she wheezed.

…

A few hours later, Amber was just coming to the end of her book when her phone rang again. This time she had placed the phone closer and didn't have to move to pick it up.

"Hello?"

"Nurse Johnson."

Amber's eyes widened when she heard the British accent. "Dr. Fitz?"

"Yes, hello, darling."

"Why are you calling me? Oh no. Did they do something to Nurse Gilbert?"

"Well, aaah, yes and no. She's fine physically… but I wouldn't be wrong in saying that it's not so for her mentally. It's a rather draining task."

"I've been at it for a year; she's got to handle them for three days."

Dr. Fitz chuckled on the other end. As much as Amber hated to admit it, she really did _love _the sound of his voice. Hated him; loved the voice. "Now this is nice, right? Just casually talking to one another; no arguing, no glaring-."

"Why are you talking to me on the phone?"

"Can't a guy just chat?"

"Chat? That's why you cal… How do you even have my number?"

"Dr. Arkham provided it for me in case I needed to contact you about your charges."

"Are you calling me to talk about my charges?"

"No."

"Is there a meeting or an announcement I didn't know about?"

"No."

"Then why do I hear your voice on my phone?"

"Well, I realize that I may have over reacted over that prank you pulled on me."

"How is the Purple People Eater style coming by the way?"

"I am purple free."

"Darn."

"What was that?"

"Nothing," Amber quickly replied. She sat up and fiddled with the corner of a pillow.

"Anyway, I was wondering if there was a chance you and I could sit down and have a civilized talk with each other. Maybe have a bit to eat while we're at it…"

Amber shaped her right hand to look like a gun and placed it to her temple, silently pretending to shoot herself. "You're asking me out?"

"Smart girl. So shall we say, eight tomorrow night?"

"Uh-no-."

"Wonderful. Dress nice. I'll pick you up at-."

"No! I'm not letting you pick me up-!"

"Alright then, we'll meet each other at the Blue Moon Restaurant. Remember, eight o'clock. Good-bye, darling."

"No! I'm not going-!" ***Click***

Amber groaned and buried her face in the sofa pillows. "Whyyyyy? Why me? Why me? I'm not even _that _pretty! Why can't he go chase after gorgeous girl and leave me and my pretty self alone!" She hugged the pillow to her chest and looked over at the opposite side of the sofa. A brightly colored, stuffed animal owl was there, looking at her with big eyes. It was just for decoration, but Amber ended up talking to it more often than she would admit. "Is it too much to ask, Hooty? Hm?" The owl provided no answer. Amber sighed and flopped back down onto the cushions. "Whyyyyy, God? Why?"

Now she had a _date _with Dr. Fitz… how the heck had she managed to do that? Would she go? …Yeah, it would be too mean for her to not show up and leave him there waiting. Either she was too nice or she was defective.

Picking up the stereo remote from the table, Amber pointed it at the sound system and clicked Play/Shuffle. 'Over My head' by Lit began to play.

"_**I'm in over my head!  
>They wanna try and build me up<br>So they can tear me down  
>I wish that I could be back there<br>But I'm right here right now**_

_**They've taken everything that I've had to give and  
>They say it's over but, man, I'm still here livin'<br>I don't know what to do, I think that maybe**_

_**I'm in over my head  
>Stuck in the red<br>Somethin' they said  
>Makes me think that I'm in over my head<br>Over my head  
>Over my head!"<strong>_

**(Well, what did ya think? How do you think the date is going to go? What do you think should happen? Got any suggestions about what our little Arkham Gang should do to the Substitute Nurse? Got any stories about something you've done to a substitute that you think I should add? Leave a review or a private message! Hopefully I'll have another chapter out before I get too busy with rehearsals! I love you all; this story wouldn't be what it is without you!**

**By the way; do any of you have any SONG SUGGESTIONS for me to listen to for this story? I'd greatly appreciate it!)**


	18. What is Going on?

**(Me: "Hey look! I updated a thing!"  
>Joker: *coughs* Chapter! *coughs*<br>Me: "Yeah! A chapter!"**

**So, back in Chapter 14, ****MoonRose91 ****asked for more of Amber's backstory. Considering Amber is based off of someone I know in real life, I had a bit of trouble changing it to be as true to the Real Amber but not revealing her private life for obvious reasons. **

**Scrambled-Dry**** wanted to have some of the gang argue over the song, "One Way or Another." **

**GeekyGothGal**** wanted them to use the ever so annoying "Why?" argument. **

**Thank you guys so much for your suggestions! They really helped me out! Also, I wanted to let my Readers know, that just because I don't use your suggestion immediately, doesn't mean I'll never use it. I just have to wait for the **_**right **_**moment to come. With that in mind, don't be discouraged from sending me anymore suggestions!**

**I'm still so ooberly happy- yes, yes I said 'ooberly'- that I have so many readers who love this fic! I hope I can continue to bring on more Comedy Gold! Enjoy!)**

**[Song used in this chapter: 'Countdown' by Beyoncé.]**

Chapter 18  
>What is Going On?<p>

**Day Two  
><strong> 

"You're hiding the last puzzle piece from me, I know it! So hand it over!" the Riddler shouted.

The Joker remained in his relaxed position, lounging on the sofa in the rec room for the patients. His hands were linked beneath his head and his legs were crossed at the ankle. A grin wormed its way onto his face. "I still don't know what you're talking about, Eddie," he replied innocently.

The Riddler's face was beginning to turn bright red. He stood over the Joker's lounging form, his hands clenched into tight fists by his sides. "You witless, dense, catastrophic twat! Give me back that puzzle piece!"

The Joker yawned and made a dismissive gesture. "Uh, hey, Ed; d'ya mind moving a little to the left? Yer blocking the TV. I can't see Bugs Bunny making a fool out of Elmer Fudd."

Edward didn't move. "Clown!" he warned.

"Question Mark?" the Joker drawled.

Edward grasped at the top of his head, pulling at his red hair. This made Katherine and Katlyn 1 worry he'd pull out his hair. "I'll give you to the count of three to give me back the piece," he hissed, trying to keep his temper from sky rocketing.

"Aaaaw," the Joker cooed, "does Edward not wike it when a pwuzzle pwiece is missing? Dows it make him go …" the clown's eyes glinted mischievously, "_nutty?"_

Edward ground his teeth as the overwhelming desire to pummel the Joker deep into the sofa came upon him. Yes. Yes, an unfinished puzzle _did _make him anxious. And when it was within his power to complete it but was being stopped…. Well… not pretty.

"And what a shame that Nurse Amber isn't here to come to your rescue," the Joker jeered.

"I don't rely on Nurse Amber to settle my problems!"

"Oh really? Not at all? I seem to recall a situation-,"

"I do not need her here to help me! Besides, if she was here, she'd side with me."

The Joker made an unflattering noise with his mouth. "Phfft! Plu-leaz!"

"She would! She knows what an arrogant, ostentatious, buffoon that you are."

"And we all know that you're nothing but a little suck-up around her."

"I? A suck-up?"

"Yeees, _you_," the Joker responded, feigning a well-educated, high-society accent. "I bet you were a Momma's boy, weren't you? It's no wonder you're Amber's favorite."

"Ooooh, do I detect a hint of jealousy?"

The Joker's face changed from the look of one who has things going their way to the expression of someone on whom the tables have been turned. "Wha?"

"Oh! It is!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Not! Not! Not!"

"Are too! Too! Too!"

"…I still have your puzzle piece."

Edward's face quite accurately resembled the following text symbol face; O.o

"…..…Give me that piece!"

The Joker launched himself from the sofa and darted across the room, his right hand clutching the troublesome puzzle piece. "Finders keepers, Eddie!"

"Joker!"

As the Prince of Puzzles gave chase, Dr. Fitz walked into the room. He saw the two patients running around and the rest of the group sitting on the floor, watching. Well, some of them were watching. Chelsea and Katherine were currently arguing over which music artist sang 'One Way or Another' best; One Direction or Blondie?

"I don't care what you say! One Direction sang it better because they have Louis!" Katherine argued.

"But Blondie sang it first way before any of those boys were born!" Chelsea insisted. "So Blonde sang it better!"

"_If _they had had Louis then they would have sang it better, but they didn't! So they didn't!" Katherine gave a single, 'So _there_!' nod, not even caring if her last sentence made any since. Poison Ivy shook her head at the stupidity of the argument and sighed.

Dr. Fitz silently counted each other the patients and was pleased to find they were all accounted for. But where was Nurse Gilbert?

"Ahm…." He uneasily shuffled over to Harley Quinn, who was lying on her stomach with her legs held up in the air, crossed at the ankle. Her chin was resting in her hands. "Excuse me, Miss Quinzel?"

"It's Harley or Miss Quinn, take your pick," she replied without looking at him.

"Miss Quinn, where is Nurse Gilbert?"

Harley turned her head to look at him and a mysterious smile appeared. "Wouldn't you like to know?" she laughed.

"What have you done to her?" Fitz gasped.

"Keep yer shirt on your lean muscled torso, doc," Harley said in a playful voice. "We ain't seen 'er."

Dr. Fitz self-consciously folded his arms to block his torso from her sight. "What do you mean?"

"Sheez, I thought you Brits knew English better than us Americans. We no see Nurse Gilbert."

Harvey Dent joined the conversation. "We haven't seen her for hours."

Jonathan Crane adjusted his glasses and turned his un-amused gaze from the Joker and Nigma onto Dr. Fitz. "We were simply talking about all the nurses that had taken care of us in the past and how their time in Arkham …" Crane zeroed his cold, blue eyes on the doctor, "came to an end." He gave a rare, but creepy smile which suggested the conversation had been anything but pleasant.

"Then she up and scampered away like the white rabbit late for an important date," Jervis added.

"Yeah, left us in the middle of Arts and Crafts," Chelsea huffed.

"Not exactly the most stout of heart, is she?" Ivy purred.

Dr. Fitz's attention was diverted away from the group for a brief span of five seconds so he could leap out of the way of the Joker and Nigma as they zipped by.

"Ha ha Ha HA ha HA Ha hA! _**Never gonna catch me, never gonna catch me**_!" the Joker sang.

Dr. Fitz regained his balance and moved to a spot that was less in the way of any more passing-bys of the two men. He focused back on the group. "You deliberately scared that woman away!" he hissed.

Katherine gasped. "Now why would you accuse us of a thing like that?"

"Yeah! That is soooo hurtful!" Katlyn 1 whined.

"Oh don't play innocent with me," Fitz snapped.

To his horror, Harley got up and cozied herself up against him, batting her eyes. "Would you like it better if we act naughty?" She grabbed the lapels of his doctor's coat and pulled him close like she was going to kiss him.

Dr. Fitz's face drained of color and he stumbled backwards to get away. "Enough!"

"Oooh, Harley, looks like you just got the brush off," Katherine crowed.

"Eh," Harley shrugged. "He's not my type anyway."

Bernard Fitz regained his composure and straightened his coat. "Nor is she mine!"

"Does he even have one?" Katherine loudly whispered to Caleb. Caleb chuckled.

Fitz's brows lowered to form an angry frown. "I have a type! And she's going to meet me for dinner tonight!"

"She's probably not real," Katherine said, enjoying how frustrated Fitz was becoming.

"She is too! And as soon as I find Nurse Gilbert and bring her back to watch you lot, I'll be leaving to get ready to see my date." He turned and began to walk away.

"Good luck with your non-existent date!" Harley sang.

Dr. Fitz whirled around to face the group. "I'm going on a date with Nurse Amber Johnson!"

The groups' response was instant. Jaws dropped, eyes widened, and the Joker skidded to a stop so suddenly, Nigma had no time to react and plowed into the clown. Both men tumbled to the ground. The puzzle piece slipped out of the Joker's hand and landed in between him and Edward. Nigma lifted his head off the floor, shook it to get rid of the dizzy sensation and spotted the piece in front of him. He swiped it up and grinned with glee.

"Ha ha! Mine!" he cried. Then the realization of what Dr. Fitz said hit him with just as much force as colliding into the Joker. "Wait-! He said what?!"

The Joker was lying on the floor, but his eyes were fixed on the doctor. He could have shot lasers out of his eyes at the man with the look he was giving Fitz. He leaned his weight onto one elbow and used the other arm to point at Bernard. "Aaaah… wanna repeat that, doc? I think I misheard you."

"Nurse Johnson and I are going on a date tonight," Fitz answered, coolly. The _only _reason he was able to say it so calmly was because Lyle Bolton was watching the group.

"Oh," the Joker said, casually. That calm casualness was gone in a second flat. "HOW THE HECK DOES SOMETHING LIKE THAT HAPPEN!" In one swift move, the Joker had pushed himself up from the floor then used his long legs to carry him all the way to Fitz. "HOW!?"

Everyone else jumped to their feet as well. Edward forgot all about the puzzle piece and joined the gang. "Blackmail! It has to be blackmail! He's blackmailing, Amber!" he shouted.

"Blackmailing our nurse, eh? Wait til I get my hands on you-!" Two-Face growled, making a grab for the British man's throat.

Fitz was saved by Bolton and the security guards. They put space between the patients and the doctor and stood close by as Fitz caught his breath. "I did not blackmail her," he told them.

"Says you," Edward huffed.

"Whether you like it or not, I don't care. I'm not looking for the approval of any of you. I'm going on a date with Amber and that's that!" He looked each of them in the eye like a father scolding his children, and then turned on his heels towards the exit. "Now to find Nurse Gilbert…," he muttered, walking away. If he had looked over his shoulder, he would have seen the whole group share a conspiratol smile.

Dr. Fitz found Nurse Gilbert huddled in the corner of a broom closet.

…

Amber had paced back and forth in her apartment until she finally decided that it was doing her no good. The only way she'd be able to go through with this was if she talked with Joan. She called the slightly older woman and asked if she could spare some time for her. Joan said it was her day off and to come meet her at her apartment.

When Amber got to Joan's door, she could hear music coming from inside. She tried the doorknob and found it unlocked. Once the door was open, Amber could hear the music clearly now. Along with Joan's voice singing loudly.  
><em><strong><br>"Oh, killing me softly and I'm still fallin'  
>Still the one I need, I will always be with you<br>Oh, you got me all gone, don't ever let me go  
>Say it real loud if you fly<br>If you leave me you out of your mind!"**_

Amber padded into the apartment and stopped around the corner of the hallway leading into the living room. Joan was folding some towels and piling them on the couch, her back was facing Amber. The young nurse had to physically put her hand over her mouth to muffle her laughter as she watched Joan swinging her hips to the music._****_

_**"My baby is a 10  
>We dressing to the 9<br>He pick me up we 8,  
>Make me feel so lucky 7<br>He kiss me in his 6  
>We be making love at 5<br>Still the one I do this 4  
>I'm tryna make us 3<br>From that 2  
>He still the 1!"<strong>_

Joan finished folding the towels and now was free to dance how she pleased. And she surprised the heck out of Amber by dancing like a professional. She successfully pulled off a few of the moves Beyoncé did in her 'Countdown' music video. Joan's singing wasn't that bad either. She wouldn't be booed off stage, Amber was sure of that._****_

_**"Me and my boo and my boo boo riding  
>All up in that black with his chick right beside him<br>Ladies, if you love your man show 'im you the flyest  
>Grind up on it, girl, show 'im how you ride it,<br>Me and my boo and my boo lip locking  
>All up in the back because the chicks keep flocking<br>All that gossip in 10 years, stop it  
>London speed it up, Houston rock it!"<strong>_

Amber bobbed her head to the beat and planned on the best way to make her presence known. _****_

_**"Oh, killing softly and I'm still falling  
>Still the one I need, I will always be with you<br>Oh, you got me all gone, don't ever let me go  
>Say it real loud if you fly<br>If you leave me-!"**_

Now! Amber jumped out from her hiding place just as Joan twirled around to face her. She sang out, _**"You're out of your mind!"**_

Joan let out a scream and flailed her arms as she fell backwards and flipped over the back of the couch. Amber hugged her middle as she laughed good and loud.

"Amber!" Joan screeched once she sat up from the couch; hand over her wildly beating heart. "Don't _do _that!"

"But it's such fun." She ignored the frown Joan threw her way and went to her iPod's iHome. She tapped the screen to look at how many songs Joan had of the current singer who's song was still playing. What she found only made her smile. "I _knew_ you were a Beyoncé fan!"

Joan had now gotten off the couch and was readjusting the towels that she had landed on. "it's because I'm black, isn't it?"

Amber whirled around with a gasp, a hand pressed to her heart in feigned shock. "You're black? Oh my gosh! You've been black all this time? Joan, when were you going to tell me?"

Joan threw a towel at her. "You goof."

Amber caught the towel and brought it back to the couch. She helped Joan refold a few towels. "Sooo, Joan…. I didn't know you could dance."

Joan didn't miss a beat. "I'm black and a Beyoncé fan, ergo, I would _have _to be a fabulous dancer."

Amber couldn't hold back the giggle. "I can't dance worth a flip."

"I doubt that."

"It's true!"

"And why is that?"

"Because I'm white."

Joan gasped and dramatically fell back on the sofa, sparing the towels this time. "You're white?!" They both laughed and Amber helped Joan carry the towels to the bathroom and put them away. "I'm actually surprised that you can't dance. I mean, with how much you love music and all…"

"Oh I dance, but it's only when I'm alone in my apartment. I call it," Amber changed her voice to sound as if she were naming something amazing, "Dorky Dancing," she said, widening her eyes in mock wonder and slowly bringing her hand out in front of her as if words were forming along with the motion.

Joan smothered a chuckle as Amber shrugged. "Hey, it's how I stay so fit." She flexed imaginary muscles. "I dance so awful the fat doesn't want to have anything to do with me."

Joan rubbed her eyes, still trying to hold back a giggle fit. "Was there something you wanted to tell me? A reason you came over?"

Amber feigned paranoid confusion. Her eyes grew large as her head twitched back and forth like a watchful meerkat. "Was there?" After earning a giggle from Joan, she dropped the act and sighed. "Yeah… but you might want to sit down."

….

While Amber's explaining the situation to Joan, I'm sure you Readers would like to know what is currently going on with the Arkham Gang. Mayhem, my friends. Sweet and delectable, Mayhem.

Nurse Gilbert had reluctantly resumed her post as the substitute nurse and had joined the gang in the rec room. It would have been best if she hadn't.

"You can't call Nurse Johnson because you're not allowed to," Nurse Gilbert said to the Joker. He'd been bugging her to let him use a phone to call Amber and have a good talking to about the news Dr. Fitz had dumped on them.

"But why?" the Joker whined.

"Because that's the rules. High Security Patients like you are not to use the phone unless given special permission by the asylum."

"But why?" the Joker asked again, throwing a conspiratol glance at Harley. Harley grinned to show she understood.

"Because of security reasons."

"Why?" Harley piped up.

"Because that's how the rules were set up."

"Why?" Edward Nigma asked.

"Because."

"Why?" Caleb giggled.

"Because!"

"Why?" Katlyn 1 snickered, mischievously.

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"Man, you don't know anything, do you?" Katherine scoffed.

Nurse Gilbert buried her head in her hands. "I'm not paid enough for this!"

**(Sorry to cut this short, but I have to end this chapter here. Whoa! *ducks from random thrown items* Now hold on a minute! I have to stop it here if you want the next to be just as long. If I keep going I'm going to use up all my current material! **

**Well, the next chapter will have Dr. Fitz and Amber's 'date'. Please let me know how I did on this chapter! I'm still here! Let me know you are too! Love you guys. Until next time.) **


	19. She's a Brick House

**(Oh my gosh, you guys! Oh my gosh! 103 followers! 90 favs! 182 reviews! This is great! I never expected this fic to get that much attention! And as long as I keep getting this much attention and inspiration you can be sure that I'll keep dishing out chapters. Thanks for the suggestions, everyone! Keep 'em comin'! **

**Serena nightingale ****was the one who suggested the mischievous idea that the gang pulls on Nurse Gilbert.**

**MoonRose91****, I've finally added some of Amber's backstory. I realize I neglected to add that in the last chapter.**

**SerinSykes****, and everyone else who wanted Fitz's and Amber's date to go wrong, here ya go!) **

Chapter Nineteen

She's a Brick House

**Day Two (continued)**

Dr. Arkham was minding his own business (and by minding his own business I really mean minding everyone's business because he ran the asylum and the business of the people living and working in the asylum became his own business) when the sound of squeaky wheels reached his ears. He tried to ignore it, tried to carry on with paperwork and such of the like on his desk, but that darn squeaking was really taking his attention off his work. He got up, crossed the floor, opened the door to his office, and stuck his head out. There was no one outside. The squeaking had stopped just as he'd opened the door. Thinking that maybe he'd imagined it, Dr. Arkham closed the door and returned to his desk. About a minute later, the squeaking resumed.

He got up once again and repeated the earlier action with the same result. No one and no sound. He scratched his head as he sat down in his comfy, leather desk chair and had only glanced at the paperwork when the squeaks returned. He got up, walked to the door a bit more quickly, and threw open the door. Nothing. He took a little longer looking at the empty halls to make sure there was no one in sight before turning and walking back into his office; this time leaving the door open.

He'd only just sat in his chair when the squeaking came again, but louder and faster. He looked up in time to see someone sitting in a rolling chair roll into his office. Arkham gaped at what he saw. Nurse Gilbert tied to the chair and sporting some duct tape on her mouth, was glaring at him with narrowed, accusing eyes. He quickly stood up from his desk, banging his knee in the process and hurried to her side.

"Nurse Gilbert! What happened?"

His answer came in the form of muffled, angry mumbles. Arkham was just about to untie her when he noticed something else about Nurse Gilbert's unfortunate plight. Someone, along with others, had taken the liberty of writing on Nurse Gilbert in sharpie markers! He didn't have to think too hard on who the pranksters had been. _Joker Rulez!_, _Riddle Me This…_, _Save the Rain Forest!_, _Master of Fear!_, _Mad as a Hatter!_, _Bunnies!_, and _I Am Batman! _adorned her skin.

"I am extremely sorry about this, Nurse Gilbert," Arkham told her sincerely as he undid the bonds holding her to the chair. He was once again subjected to more angry mumbles and he was glad he couldn't understand what she was saying. He removed the tape in time to catch the last of her sentence.

"- I QUIT!"

…

In Joan Leland's Apartment

"Wait… come again?" Joan asked Amber as she watched the younger nurse continue to pace her living room.

Amber stopped pacing and flopped into the space next to Joan. She heaved a sigh and repeated herself. "I'm going to meet him at the restaurant."

"You're going?"

"I'm going."

"_Why?"_

"Because it would be rude not to go when I know he's expecting me."

Joan shifted around on the sofa so that her legs were tucked underneath her. "But if I recall, he was rude in the way that he cornered you into this shame of a date."

"Yeees, I know he was, the jerk, but I can't _not _show up."

"Why?" Joan's eyes widened. "You're not starting to fall for him, are you?"

Amber's voice came out high-pitched from surprise. "No!"

"Then _why_?"

"_Because."_

Joan wasn't taking that for an answer. She pointedly stared at Amber with a sarcastic look of expectancy. Amber sighed and let her head plop back against the sofa. "Because… I know what it feels like to wait for someone to show up and they never do. … It's awful."

Joan's face softened. "Oh, Amber, honey."

Amber shook her head. "No, I've never been stood up. I don't want you to get that impression. I've never really been on a date to be stood up at. What I'm talking about it…" She bit her lip and fiddled with her purity ring before shaking her head once more. "Nah, forget it. It's pathetic."

"Oh, nuh-uh! You're not going to leave me hanging like that; tell me!" Joan egged.

"Gnnaaaah," Amber sounded.

"Teeeell meeee!"

"I was never asked to go to a dance with a guy. But I'd end up going to the dances anyway with the hope that…" Amber screwed up her face, reluctant to go on because of how pathetic it would sound. "Maybe while I was there, some guy would see me and ask me to dance."

"Did it ever happen?"

Amber traced a picture in the sofa fabric, not looking up. "… That's what I meant about waiting for someone who never shows up."

Joan was quiet for a moment. She felt sorry for the young nurse. Joan had spent enough time with her to know that she was a funny, caring girl so for her to have never been on a date-wait!

Joan's head snapped up. "Whoaaa! Wait, wait, wait, wait! Hold up!" She looked Amber over and then tilted her head to the side with an expression of disbelief. "You've _never _been on a date before?"

"I never said that!" Amber said quickly. "I've been on a few."

"Oh. Well, how many?"

"Gaaaaah…" Amber hesitated.

"Amber, how many is a few?"

"Two and a half?"

"Two and a _half_? What?"

"The first two were with a guy I'd know for a little while. He'd just recently broken up with his girlfriend-."

"Oh my gosh. You were the replacement?" Joan asked with a shake of her head.

"He didn't even tell me when he got back together with her, just stopped contacting me."

Joan groaned and covered her face with one hand. "Oh, Amber, I'm almost scared to ask about the other date."

"Good, then we won't talk about it."

"But I have to know."

"Crud."

"Talk."

Amber heaved a frustrated sigh. "The third was, well….it…didn't really turn out well. We hadn't even ordered our food when I decided I didn't want to have a relationship with him. If I wasn't so… _me_, I would have walked out the door right then."

"What did he do?"

"He showed up hung over and slightly high."

Joan hissed like she'd been burned. "And how long has it been since you've been on a date?" Amber's green eyes lifted to the ceiling and squinted in thought. When she didn't answer within five seconds, Joan's eyebrows arched. "That long?"

"Uh… I think it's safe to say… about a year? The first time I went out on a date, I was eighteen."

"How old are you?"

"Twenty-two."

Joan blinked at that. Despite how silly Amber could be, she thought the young woman was older than that. At times, Amber showed a maturity that made Joan think her to be in her late twenties. Appearance wise, Amber had the kind of features that made her look a few years older or younger, making it difficult to guess her age.

"Well," Joan began. "Maybe this date will make it an even three, hm?"

Amber snorted with laughter and hit Joan over the head with a sofa pillow. "Hey, could you come by my place and help me pick an outfit to wear? I don't want to wear something that will give Fitz the wrong idea."

"Sure. Let me get my purse."

As she stood and walked to her bedroom, her thoughts strayed back to Amber's age. A twenty-two year old _girl_ was in charge of taking care of the most dangerous patients in Arkham Asylum. Her mind kept turning over to the Joker, the most dangerous of them all, and how his medical records estimated him to be in his late twenties to early thirties. It was like a nine year old being given the responsibility of keeping an adult in line. Joan didn't like the uneasy feeling she was getting over this. Amber was so young and to be given such a big responsibility… And what if _the Joker_ found out how old Amber was? _No one _likes being told what to do by someone significantly younger than themself.

And Joan had heard orderlies and other staff members talking about things they had witnessed between the Joker and Amber. Some whispered about the way he looked at her…

Joan didn't realize she had been standing in her room, holding her purse, and staring into space until Amber poked her head in the door way. "Helloooo? Joan?"

Joan snapped out of her thoughts. "Huh? Oh, sorry. Guess I kinda spaced out there."

"Well did you land back on Earth?"

"Shut up and march your skinny butt to the door so we can ruin your date with Fitz."

…

"It's simple. You call Amber back in," the Joker said.

Dr. Arkham blinked at the group of patients he had the guards gather in the rec room. All of them were staring at him as if they had done nothing wrong. After Nurse Gilbert had fled the asylum, Arkham called a meeting with the people responsible for her flight to discuss the recent issues that had occurred.

"I can't do that. She's suspended for at least another day."

The Joker leaned forward in his chair. "Buuut, uh, aren't _you _the head honcho that calls the shots around here? Can't you reel that pretty little thing back in here a day early?" He gave Arkham a cheesy grin.

"But-."

The Joker sighed loudly and slouched back in his seat, hands linking behind his head. "Ya know doc, I got a feeling that if Amber-."

"Nurse Amber," Dr. Arkham corrected.

"Not you too!" the Joker whined. "Fine! I have a feeling that if _**Nurse**_ Amber isn't back here soon-and I mean _really_ soon-then some more bad things might happen."

"Yes, I agree," Jonathan Crane chimed in. "Some people might find that they can't get a good night's sleep," he added darkly.

"I want Nurse Amber back! She sings with me," Katelynn 2 moped.

The Joker removed one hand from behind his head to motion at Katelynn 2. "There you go, doc. You can't take away the girl's singing buddy."

"If you think that I'm going to call Nurse Amber back just because you threatened me to-!" Dr. Arkham sputtered indignantly.

"What? Us? Threaten? Why, whatever do you mean, doc?" The Joker nudged the Riddler. "This guy thinks we're threatening him!"

The Riddler feigned a look of being aghast. "The nerve."

"I'll say," the Joker snorted.

Katherine stood up from her chair behind the Joker and put her hands on her hips. "We just want the waiting time to be drastically shortened, is all."

The Joker swung one arm behind him and felt around for Katherine. His hand clamped onto her orange uniform and pulled her back down onto her seat. "Ssh, Squirt; lemme take care of this. Sit down."

Katherine landed in her seat with an "Oomf!"

Dr. Arkham pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Alright, let's discuss this like reasonable adults."

There was silence for a brief moment as everyone blinked at the doctor. Then ….

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

…

The moment Amber arrived at the Blue Moon Restaurant, she nearly turned around to walk back to her car. It was a nice place. Like, mind your 'p's and 'q's kind of fancy. Amber was wearing a fitted red sundress that she'd worn to a beach wedding last summer. Her hair was straightened. That was Joan's doing. Amber wanted to leave her hair the way it always was; naturally wavy. But Joan was adamant.

"You gotta look at least a little made up. What if there's a cute guy at the restaurant who sees you? Hm? Don't you want him to think, 'Oh my! Who is that mysteriously, sexy woman sitting with that British douchebag?'"

Amber had promptly thrown a pillow at a giggling Joan and was satisfied when it met its target.

This was going to be awkward. Downright awkward. Groaning internally, Amber squared her shoulders and entered the building. She saw Bernard Fitz sitting at a table by the large windows. He hadn't noticed she was there yet. His attention was on the menu.

"_Last chance, Amber; flee!" _her mind said. She turned and took one step towards the doors…

"Excuse me? Can I help you?" the hostess asked. Amber looked over the woman's shoulder to see Fitz look up from the menu and spot her. She had no choice but to let the hostess take her to Dr. Sexy's - _Dr. Fitz's_ table!

"Well, well, well…" Fitz said as Amber drew nearer to the table with the hostess. "Don't you look…" His eyes scanned her not-so-impressive dress with some confusion. "You look very nice."

Amber tried to send a wordless message to the hostess with her eyes; _"Help me!"_ but either the woman had no telepathic abilities or she was ignoring Amber's plea on purpose. After all, why on Earth would any woman want to get out of a date with someone so handsome, right? Phfft!

"So?" Fitz said once the hostess was gone after telling them their waiter would be with them in a moment.

"So, I think we should decide what we want to order," Amber said, quickly and grabbed a menu to hide her face behind. Fitz frowned. He couldn't see her face. More importantly, she couldn't see _his _face.

"Ooh, chicken alfredo!" Amber squeed. It was one of her favorite dishes and she only got it when she went out to eat because she couldn't cook anything more complicated than grilled cheese sandwiches.

"Is that what you want, darling?" came Fitz's smooth voice from behind the menu. Amber wanted to throw a salt shaker at him and hope it would hit his perfect nose.

"No, doctor, I merely got excited over a dish that I have no intention of getting," Amber said with sarcastic sweetness. She needed to find a way to keep the menu in front of her at all times. She kept the menu open and set it on the table, providing a mini-wall between her and Fitz. She had to slightly slouch in her seat to remain hidden from his sight. That plan went out the window when the waiter took their order along with their menus. Amber gave a slight whine when she watched it disappear with the waiter. Now there was nothing to hide behind.

Fitz propped his elbows on the table and laced his fingers together, making a bridge for his chin to balance on. "Well," he said, smiling.

"If you keep saying that, I won't be one bit surprised if one eventually appears smack dab in the middle of the restaurant," Amber deadpanned.

"Heh heh heh," Fitz chuckled, the skin at the corner of his eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled.

"_Staaahp iiiiiit!" _Amber told her brain. Hormones were the worst thing to happen.

"So, Amber, let's start with a clean slate, hm? My name is Bernard Fitz. And you are?"

"Charlie Brown, ask me again and I'll knock you down."

Fitz blinked at her reply but then grinned. "Oh, you're being funny."

_No, I'm being serious!_ Ugh. "My name is Amber Johnson."

"Where are you from?"

_Hell. And guess what? I've been sent to bring you back!_ Honestly, the answers she came up with in her mind were far more interesting. "I've lived here all my life."

"Well, obviously I'm not from around here." Fitz chuckled at his own joke.

"Naaaah!" Amber gasped with more sarcasm than humor.

And so it went. Fitz ended up talking more about himself and making those remarks that were actually insulting. Amber pretended to listen sometimes as she focused on eating her food. Chicken alfredo was the food of the gods! It was when she took a sip from her drink that the conversation finally turned away from Fitz and to something else.

Amber made a face once she tasted the liquid in her glass and she tried-and failed- to subtly spit it back into the glass. Fitz tilted his head to the side. "Something the matter darling?"

"What is that? That's not the drink I had earlier."

"Oh, yes; I ordered you some wine when you finished drinking your previous glass. I asked you if you wanted wine and you said 'yes'."

Amber raised an eyebrow at that. "_How_ did I say it?"

Fitz blinked at her n confusion but complied with answering. "You nodded your head and said, 'Mm-hm.'"

Amber pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. "That must have been one of the moments I wasn't actually listening to you," she mumbled.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Um, I actually don't drink alcohol, so…" she inched the glass away from her. "If I could get something else…?" _Like a coke? Why don't these fancy smacy places serve Coca-Cola?_

Fitz called for a waiter and asked for another glass of water to be brought to their table. "You don't drink?"

"Of course I drink! I drink water, coke, orange juice, milk, Gatorade-."

"I meant alcohol."

"Nope. Hate it. Nasty stuff. I've only had a couple of sips since my twenty-first birthday."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why don't you drink?"

"Why should I? I just don't like it and plus, it's against my faith to drink. Well, at least to the point of drunkenness. I mean _Jesus_ drank wine, but it states in the Bible not to become _drunk_."

Fitz's face took on an all-knowing look that Amber wanted to slap for looking so smug. "Oh, so you're a Christian, huh?"

"Yeah. And I actually try to live it." She lowered her voice as she poked at her food. "Even when some people make me want to commit murder."

"Well, that explains it."

Amber's head snapped up. "Excuse me, explains what?"

"You. So what else do you not do?" His eyes fell on her purity ring. "Seriously?"

Amber's face felt hot with anger. "Yes. Seriously."

Fitz held out his hand to her, palm open. "May I see it?" Unbelievable, he was still trying to put the moves on her by getting her to hold his hand as he 'inspected' the ring. Amber could play this game too. She removed the ring from her finger and put it in his awaiting palm. She nearly snickered at the disappointment she saw on his face. He looked at the ring anyway, tracing the engraved words on the silver band; _True Love Waits_.

"And you _really_ believe this?" he asked, looking at her with a condescending smile.

"And you wonder why I don't like you." Amber shook her head and glanced at her plate which still had a good portion of chicken alfredo on it. It'd be a shame to waste the food… "Does this restaurant do left-over boxes?"

"Um, I think so… Why?"

"Because I want to leave."

"Come now, darling-."

"No! I'm not going to sit here and listen to you make veiled insults and dis my faith like that! Normally, I'd try to explain my beliefs to somebody, but you just-ugh! You are infuriating!"

"_**Carry on, my wayward son  
>There'll be peace when you are done<br>Lay your weary head to rest  
>Don't you cry no more!"<strong>_

Amber went completely still when she heard Kansas' music blaring from her purse. Fitz and Amber's eyes both looked at the noisy bag and then glanced around them as people stared. She gave an apologetic smile and quickly plunged her hand into her purse to find/maim/murder/turn off/silence/smash/eviscerate/destroy her phone. She was pretty sure the correct word was somewhere in that group. Once she found it, she glanced at the caller ID and decided to answer it. A welcome distraction.

"Dr. Arkham?"

"Nurse Amber, please return to the asylum as soon as possible. I can't take much more of this."

Amber's brow wrinkled when she thought she heard a group of people cheering in the background.

…

**(Okay, here's what's gonna happen, this 'date' isn't really over yet. More stuff is gonna happen when Dr. Fitz and Amber show up at the asylum together. The Joker's not going to like that sight. *evil smirk* But, anyway, what did you think of this chapter? I really wanna know because my creative juice was pretty low during these past few weeks cause of college staring back up.  
>I also have a question for you guys, although I know I've already posted it in my other story, <strong>_**Chaotic Lullaby**_**, I know that some of you may not read those stories so I figured I should post it on here too.  
><strong>**I'd like your help in a little matter, dear Readers! I want to write another fan-fic! I've posted a Poll on my page for you to vote which fandom I should write a fan-fic on.  
>The Options:<br>1). The Hobbit; where I will be writing in Smaug's point of view, who can shape shift into human form -modeled after the handsomely adorkable Benedict Cumberbatch- and it will also take place several centuries after all events in LOTR. It's like how he deals with living in modern times and how he must hide his true form from mortals. Until someone sees him changing shape… Better than it sounds.**

**2). A Sherlock BBC fan-fic; I was disappointed in the fact that Wiggins, the leader of the Baker Street Irregulars, was not included in the show, so I decided to come up with a story of my own for the loveable character. Wiggins will be homeless and will be incorporated into the storyline starting from the ending of The Great Game. Except in this story Wiggins is older and … a woman. Hey, they made Irene Alder a Brit instead of an American, I think I can take some liberties too!**

**3). A Rise of the Guardians fic; where Pitch Black, now weak from his defeat, must find the child who's nightmares had provided him enough strength to rise up against the Guardians and were so potent that they could restore his powers almost to full strength. Problem is, he stopped using that child's nightmares once his strength was regained and went on his own to plot against the Guardians. It's been nearly ten years since he last saw her and she's changed from child to woman. And she does not want to have another one of **_**his **_**nightmares. It's better than it sounds, trust me, I just can't reveal too much.**

**4). Or should I work some more on my Once Upon A Time fan-fic, **_**Out of These Waters**_**?**

**OR, is there another fandom that you really want me to try my hand at? I'm open to other options. It's just that I've already got two or three chapters already written for the ones I just mentioned, but please vote or Private Message me if there's a different fandom you want to suggest. I await to hear from you in votes, suggestions, or reviews!**

**I love you all! *blows kiss*)**


	20. The Nut House

**(I'm back! Did ya miss me? So, it's finally time to see how the Arkham Gang will react to seeing Fitz and Amber arriving together. What delightful chaos will come about this time?)**

**[I recently saw a musical called "I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change" by Joe DiPeietro & Jimmy Roberts. There's this song in it that seriously reminds me of Amber and Fitz's date. It's called 'Single Man Drought'. Give it a listen; it's funny.] **

**[I listened to 'Mayhem' by Imelda May while I typed up this chapter which made it become even funnier. So I suggest listening to that when you read this… to make it better, start the song when Fitz comes in.]**

**{****redpony**** suggested the idea that Amber forgets to put on her purity ring. Considering my friend Amber RARELY takes off her ring, it was difficult to think of a way for this to happen; but then I finally found a situation!}**

Chapter Twenty

The Nut House

Arkham had told her to meet him in the Rec. room. Most patients were in bed by this time of night and the room would be empty…except that it wasn't. All thirteen of her charges were with Dr. Arkham, along with fifteen armed guards and orderlies. The minute Amber walked into the room all thirteen patients happily leapt to their feet. "Nurse Amber!" they cheered, then did a double take at her appearance.

"Nurse Amber, we had no idea you were so pretty out of uniform," Tommy Tetch said with a smile. Amber screwed her mouth up as best as possible to hide the grin that wanted to appear.

The Joker looked a bit confused at the sight of her straight hair. "There's no…" He made a wavy motion with his hand. "There's no," again the hand motion, "in your hair."

"They're called waves, Puddin'."

"I liked the waves." Did the Joker seriously just pout?

"You look nice, chika," Chelsea said, giving a thumb up.

"Yeah; dress like that more often," Dent added. Crane merely looked Amber over and gave a nod of approval.

Dr. Arkham shuffled his feet a bit as he too took in Amber's appearance. "I'm sorry, Nurse Amber. You look like you were somewhere important."

Amber shrugged. "Eh, not really," she said, evasively.

"Oh no? Because it looks like you're dressed up for a date," the Joker said accusingly.

Dr. Fitz chose that moment to walk in, carrying Amber's take out box. "Darling, you forgot this in the cab."

"Stop calling me 'darling'," Amber hissed.

"You were on a date with him!" the Joker screeched.

Fitz flashed him a smug grin and a wink as he slung an arm over Amber's shoulders. "Told you so."

Amber pushed his arm off. "Quit it, would ya."

"How could you?" Dent whined.

"Oh my gosh, you guys, it's not like it was a real date!"

"You're dressed like that and you say it wasn't a real date?" Ivy questioned.

Edward caught a glimpse of the restaurant's name on the lid of the take out box. "You went to the Blue Moon and you say it wasn't a real date?"

"You know the Blue Moon restaurant?" Ivy asked with some surprise.

Edward moved to adjust his necktie then remembered he wasn't wearing one. "I might have been there once or twice with a few women-."

"You robbed the place with Echo and Query, didn't you?" Crane said, blandly.

"Eeeh-yeah, I might have," Edward muttered, scratching the back of his neck.

Katherine inhaled deeply. "I smell chicken alfredo. Is that chicken alfredo!"

"You said you didn't like him, but you went on a date with him?" Chelsea asked in disbelief.

"But you had her temporarily dismissed," Arkham said to Fitz. Fitz gave another pompous but perfect grin and shrugged. Everyone was talking at once and Amber was fed up with it.

"SHUT UP!"

"….."

"It was _not_ a date." She made eye contact with everyone. "Is that clear? I don't care what it looks like to you, it was not a date. I got cornered into meeting Fitz at a restaurant and I ate dinner with him. That's _it_."

Fitz shoved his free hand into his pants pocket as he waited. Something metallic was in his pocket. He felt the shape and remembered. At the restaurant, Amber had taken off her ring and given it to Fitz for him to look at. Then the call from Arkham came and they left in such a hurry, he'd forgotten to give it back. He pulled it out and tapped Amber on the shoulder. "Here's your purity ring, by the way."

"OH MY INSANITY!"

The wave of raised voices resumed. Amber glared daggers at Fitz. No one moved fast enough to stop the Joker from tackling Bernard Fitz but Amber did manage to grab her take out box before it hit the floor. The Joker gripped Fitz by the shirt, straddling the man as he barred his yellow teeth at him. "You sick playboy! You defiled my nurse! You should have kept it in your pants, man, cause now you're gonna-!"

A group of four guards pulled the Joker off of Fitz, but the clown wasn't backing down. He kept struggling to break free. He jerked his head around to look at a shocked Amber. "We let you out of our sight for two days and you go nuts!"

"It's not what it looks like!" Amber began and then frowned. "Why am I even defending myself to _you_?"

A hand was on her arm and she turned to see Nigma and his two girls behind him. "Did he force himself on you? Is that what happened?" he asked urgently.

"We could turn him into a eunuch for you," Katherine offered seriously.

"Snip! Snip!" Katlyn 1 added with a smile as she mimed a pair of scissors. Fitz's eyes widened and he backed away to stand closer to a particularly large guard.

"I'll give him nightmares for months!" Crane promised.

"Off with his head!" Jervis shouted.

"No; off with his dick!" the Joker yelled.

"Joker!" Amber snapped.

"What!"

"None of that crude language, please."

"Screw you, Amber!"

"I believe the doctor already did," Crane said.

"Crane!"

"Caleb no like Dr. Fitz!"

"Good brother," Katherine cooed.

"Batman is gonna kick his butt!" Katelynn 2 announced and began to march towards the doctor but was blocked by the large guard. "You cannot stop Batman from delivering justice!"

"Baaaaats!"

Katherine face palmed herself. "Well…so much for that."

In the midst of all the chaos, Amber calmly walked to a table, stepped onto a chair, then onto the table top. She took out a whistle from her bag and blew on it long and loud until all voices had ceased.

"Everyone, listen to me! I did not have sexual relations with that man!"

There was one lone snicker from a male orderlie who quickly cleared his throat to cover it up.

"The only thing that happened was that I took off my ring so he could look at it without holding my hand. That is _it_. That is _all_."

Harley raised a hand in the air and waited until Amber noticed her. "Sooo… the two of you didn't…" She made some vague gesture with her hands.

Amber blinked a couple of times before answering. "I have no idea what that means; but if you mean 'sex', then _no_. it did not happen. It never will."

"We'll see," Fitz muttered loud enough for all to hear. He let out a yelp when all thirteen patients collectively turned their heads to snarl and glare at him.

Nigma cleared his throat and stepped towards Amber. "If I may have a word with you, Nurse Amber?" He extended his hand out and waited. Amber placed her hand in his and let him help her off the table.

"_He's my gentleman in the group," _Amber couldn't help but think.

Edward motioned towards an empty corner of the room. "Mind if we talk over there?" Amber shrugged her consent. Once they were 'alone', Edward scratched the back of his left ear and chuckled. "Well, that escalated quickly."

"Ya think."

"Heh, heh, heh." He glanced back at the still arguing group, although they weren't as loud now. "But you can see where we came to that conclusion, right?"

Amber sighed and held up her ring for him to see. "Yeah. Never taking this off again."

"May I?" Edward asked, holding out his hand.

Amber paused and quirked an eyebrow at him. "Seriously?" she asked with a slight suspicious smile. He remained with his hand held out. "Oookay." She handed him the ring. She was surprised when he also took hold of her left hand and with an air or ceremony, placed the ring on her finger.

"With this ring, I thee-."

"Don't even go there, Edward."

Edward grinned. "Just thought I'd try to cheer you up a bit. You know, since Dr. Fitz is giving you a hard time."

Amber tossed a glare at Fitz who was currently using the large guard as a wall between him and Katlyn 1. The girl was still miming scissors snipping.

"The man is insufferable," Amber hissed with clenched teeth. "He parades around on his high-horse, waving his successful career in the air, and he makes those snide little remarks that are obviously designed to belittle me and my life; not to mention other people as well. The guy is a smug, pig-faced- well, not really pig-faced because let's face it, the man's a handsome prick- arrogant, pretty boy, jerk, who has no concept what humility means!"

The Riddler stood with his chin in hand, contemplating her words. "Hm. Sooo… I take it you don't like this man?" he deadpanned. Amber giggled and lightly punched his arm.

"Amber, stop flirting with Quiz Boy!" the Joker yelled from across the room.

"She can flirt with me if she wants to!" Nigma shouted back.

"I don't even know how to flirt!" Amber whined, unhappy that she was once again being dragged back into an argument.

"Looks like you do," the Joker accused.

"Oh my gosh! Lord!" Amber called, throwing her head back and looking up at the ceiling. "Help! Take me now! Just take me now, God!"

"Could we all just calm down and let me say what it was I called her here to say!" Dr. Arkham shouted over the raised voices.

Amber slumped in exhaustion and nodded. "Please do."

"You suspension has been lifted. You are to come back to work tomorrow."

For a moment Amber was quiet. She blinked a couple of times and turned her head towards her charges. "What did you guys do while I was gone?"

The group collectively chuckled. "We just missed you is all," Katherine said with a sly grin.

The young nurse put a hand to her forehead. "Oh that poor nurse." She looked at Arkham. "Nurse Gilbert's still alive, right?"

"Yes, but I doubt we'll ever see her again."

"But...why are they all out here, instead of in their cells? And why didn't you just tell me that over the phone?"

"They demanded that they see you being told to come back in the morning so there was no chance of a mistake being made."

Amber could only stare at her group of charges. After a brief moment of silence, a breathless laugh escaped her lips and she smiled. She ran a hand through her hair and shook her head. "Well, guys… congratulations, I'll be here tomorrow." And with that, Amber walked towards the door and with a final eye roll at Dr. Fitz, she left them so she could go to her apartment, rest, and return in the morning.

**(I'm sorry the ending is so rushed but I couldn't think of a good ending for this chapter and I didn't want to keep you guys waiting any longer. Thank you for being patient. I hope you enjoyed this update. Let me know your thoughts and you know the rest! *blows a kiss* Until next time!)**

**[For those of you who are curious for the results of which story I'll write next; the story that won was my The Hobbit story which will be titled Worth More Than Gold. Be on the lookout for the first chapter. I should have it uploaded before the end of this year.]**


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